Ink Poisoning

Shame on me

2011-12-19T23:00:00.000+08:00

So I've been completely slack with updating my blog, so to those actually checking up on it I'm sorry. I shall try to blog more often but we all know how life gets in the way of these things.

I have nothing particularly new or exciting to talk about, no new shows to contemplate or books I've read to dissect, frankly I've barely been reading at all. I've been rewatching old shows, onto season four of alias and just finished the first season of crossing jordan.

I'm really looking forward to christmas this year, for the first time in quite a few years. I get to spend the day with my family which is not usually fun but with my 6 month old nephew and my cousin's 2 week old baby girl it should be a different feeling to the day, plus I get to bring my wonderful boyfriend with me so I won't be the sole single gal there :P

So with the promise of more posts to come I'll leave you guys to your lives...

NaNo no more

2011-11-15T17:01:00.000+08:00

So I've not really being enjoying Nano this year. My story is not good, in fact it's down right shit. I don't love any of it. And since I'm not having fun I've decided to pull out. No more NaNo for me. Here's one of the better bits from my story for old time's sake but aside from one or two scenes i saved the rest is getting deleted.

“Other people use machines but I think the best pasta can happen when you put the most love into it, when you use your hands rather than letting machines do the work. Roll it nice and thin and you can turn it into anything. Pasta dough is incredibly, what do you call it? Versatile? It can become ravioli, spaghetti, you can make it into shapes or fill it with anything. Pasta is only limited by your creativity and imagination. I’ve always thought of pasta to be similar to love, it is stronger when you bash it with a rolling pin, can fall apart quickly if you leave it in hot water too long, and can be whatever you make of it. Do you understand dear?”

“Boys too are like pasta, sometimes bashing them with pins is the best part. Sometimes they should be left in boiling water until they fall apart. I am so sorry my dear for what you went through, but not all men are like that. Some would rather die than hit a woman and have good souls. You will find someone who will make you realise nothing else matters but your love for him and his for you. You too have a good heart. I see it.”

NaNo Log Day 10

2011-11-10T13:52:00.000+08:00

On par : 16666

Aim: 17000

Current wordcount: 16700

I'm having issues finding enough time and motivation to write. I'm not liking how my story is progressing, the plot is fine it's the writing that sucks. I've decided she's going to spend less time in venice and go to america next, probably renting out a car to do a road trip. She's going to make a few friends and figure out her calling. and somewhere in her future have a Skype conversation with the woman who set everything off. Should be nice and awkward.

This scene is a flashback of a conversation with Shane that she has whilst she's on a boat in venice. lemme know whatcha think

“Shane?”

“Yeah sweets?”

“You’re okay with me going right?”

“Of course I am. You need to be free, I get it. It’s okay.”

“Will you be alright without me?”

He shifted, looking away from the screen and turning towards me. His eyes were filled with speculation and his lips curved into a crooked smile of amusement.

“No Catherine. I will fall apart, my world will completely collapse without you. They might even be a zombie apocalypse.”

“You’re teasing me.”

“Yes. I am.” He smiled and I smiled back though only half-heartedly. Instead of feeling better I flinched inwardly, he would perfectly fine without me, like I would no longer exist. Like I didn’t matter. Some part of me wanted him to at least miss me.

“So you’re perfectly okay with me leaving? You won’t even miss me?”

“Is that what’s bothering you Caty? You think I won’t miss you?”

“Maybe. Leaving you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and you sound like you won’t even miss me.”

“Of course I’ll miss you, you silly goose. You’re my best friend. Who else can I tell all my naughty gossip too? Or read smutty novels in silly voices with? Who else can I bitch about the girls at work with, or perve on guys with? We’re soulmates of the friendship kind and if I thought it was good for you I’d do anything to keep you with me. But part of loving someone is letting them go when they need to and just hoping they find happiness.” It was the longest speech I think I’d ever heard him do, and quite possibly the most heartfelt. Tears welled up in my eyes and I fought them back, afraid crying would ruin the moment we were sharing.

“I love you too Shane.”

NaNo Log Day 7 - I said kiss me!

2011-11-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

Word count to be on par: 11666

Aim for the end of tonight: 12000

Current wordcount: 11500

So I've been falling behind because of work and boyfriend this weekend, been trying to catch up today and if I can get further and further ahead during the week it shouldnt matter if I can't write much on the weekends. Now officially past the 1/5th mark and my story is getting fleshed out a bit. Catherine my FMC is currently in Venice having a one night stand with a sexy local called Daniel.

~~~

Sliding off the stool I put my empty glass back on the bar, I strode around the smooth wooden surface until I was behind the bar, face to face with Daniel.

“Kiss me.”

“What?” He seemed thrown by my sudden boldness but I was finally ready to take charge. I wanted his lips on mine, and his hard body flush against my soft one, even if it was only for the one night. I wanted my first day in Venice to end with a truly spectacular bang that set up the atmosphere for the rest of the trip. Reaching up I wrapped my arm around his neck, ran my fingers through his dark silky hair and pulled him close for a kiss. Without any hesitation I rose up on my tiptoes and closed the gap between us until heat scorched between us.

I whispered into his lips “I said, kiss me.” He smiled against my lips, wrapped arms around my waist and tugged me closer pulling me off balance until I almost fell against his tight hard chest.

He pulled away grinning, in a deep husky voice almost like a growl he replied, “Then I shall do as you command.” Finally he kissed me, and everything spun in a whirlwind from there. The second our lips touched I felt his arms tighten around me as he lifted me easily onto the bar. My butt slid easily across the varnished surface as he moved between my legs. My ankles wrapped around his hips as he kissed my mouth, my jaw, my neck, dragging his lips across my tender flesh as I whimpered with pleasure. Rough hands shoved the material of my dress up my legs whilst his teeth scraped across the tender muscle where my neck met my shoulder, how he knew that was my secret weakness I had no idea but oh my god it was good. Pain mixed with pleasure until I could barely see straight through the haze of desire. I tried to concentrate enough to carefully unbutton his shirt but my hands were shaking and the teeny tiny buttons wouldn’t fit through the holes. Finally I just grabbed the edges and pulled sending buttons flying everywhere as they were ripped free from their stitching.

Nano Log Day 4

2011-11-04T15:06:00.000+08:00

I'd fallen behind the past few days, life being hectic and such. Plus I'd gotten to a point in my story where I had no idea what i wanted to do next. but I'm back on top of it and up to date.
Par:6666
Aim by tonight: 8000
Current wordcount: 7070
Today's scene. Set in Venice.

“You look amazing.” The store assistant stood behind me, a cheery grin on her rosy cheeks. Tight blond ringlets were tight back loosely fighting vainly to be free. A name badge pinned to her light summer dress read Annie

“Thank you.”

“Hot date?” Here blue eyes twinkled as she teased me lightly, her American accent adding a twang to her girly voice. She was young but she smiled like she knew what I had planned for the night.

“Yeah. Sort of.”

“Sort of? He’s not hot or it’s not a date?”

“Oh he’s hot. Unbelievably hot.” I bit my lip, recalling the way his black jeans had snugly cupped his muscular biteable ass.

“His jaw will taste carpet at the sight of you in that dress. It’s stunning.” I giggled at how naughty her words could be taken, she blushed horrified and covered her mouth with her hand, tripping over herself to explain. “I meant his jaw will hit the floor, not you know...”

“It’s okay I know what you meant. Maybe I’ll get lucky and his jaw will do both.” We shared a giggle and my mind was made up. Even if this dress left me stranded in Venice I’d buy it, it was going to be so worth it. “I have to have this dress.”

“You should, and it’s on sale.”

“It is?”

“For you, yes. I can’t let anyone else walk out with that dress. It belongs to you!” Annie was being very flattering, probably had to encourage every customer to spend a small fortune or something but she really didn’t need to. I was going to buy this dress, and the shoes, and possibly even a gorgeous silver necklace with a dark jade pendent in the shape of a teardrop that would hang just above my cleavage. It felt strange, like it was calling to me. It wanted me to buy it. That sounds so strange when I think about it but it felt like this necklace was meant to be mine. I placed it next to the dress and shoes on the counter and Annie looked at strangely, a small frown on her brows.

“Jade. interesting choice, did you know Jade attracts love, balances the heart chakra, and...” she paused, studying my expression, “...it encourages healing.”

It was coincidence surely that the necklace I choose for my date would attract love and promote healing. I wasn’t sure I believed in the power of gemstones but this one held something special. Maybe it could help me heal from my past, move on, but even if it could, it couldn’t attract love. Love doesn’t exist. I thought i was in love. But I was just a pawn in his sociopathic game of revenge. I felt nothing but pity for his other woman though, she was with a sick twisted man and probably had no idea what he was intending to do. Or even what he was capable of. Maybe for me to properly move on I had to help her, had to get her to see Gary for who he truly was. She would know by know though, wouldn’t she? She would be wondering where he was otherwise wouldn’t she? And the Police would have talked to her, not that they seemed to be putting much effort into finding him. Guess I was just another case slipping through the cracks. He wouldn’t hurt me anymore, couldn’t I was ready for him this time. But he could hurt her.

Leaving the store with my new purchases I wandered casually back to my room. It was getting late, stores were beginning to close, the crowd was thinning and their air had gotten considerably cooler. The dinner crowd began to emerge, all dolled up in their fancy clothes as the cafes and restaurants began to light their candles, music was switched to a slower more romantic pace, and waiters moved around setting places. Crisp cool air teased my skin cooling my body, a tantalising feeling I’d never paid attention to before. Dusk was setting in, the formless clouds a palette of pinks, greys and reddish oranges painted atop a canvas of dark blue sky. The stars were beginning to shine and I couldn’t help but feel I was in one of the most beautiful cities on earth. I’d walked further than I thought; my hotel seemed impossibly far away but for once I didn’t mind the exercise as it gave me the chance to think.

I wondered about the men in my life. What was Daniel doing at the moment...was he contemplating the possibilities of tonight? Wondering what was to come of the evening like I was? Or was it just another night for him? Was i another notch on his bedpost? Not that it mattered all that much but a girl gets curious every now and then. What was Gary up to? Was he hiding or still on the run, plotting my demise in some evil villain lair? Sleeping under bridges using newspaper for warmth whilst the rats nibbled his face? Secretly hoping for the bridge and rats option I sent out a silent prayer to the universe that even if he wasn’t in some hellhole that he wouldn’t harm another woman again. I didn’t believe in prayer, religion and faith seemed like complete crap to me, but it couldn’t do any harm.

And Shane. My wise-man, therapist, neighbourly sage, I hadn’t called him yet! He was probably worrying about me, thinking the worst. He was always rather over-dramatic. But he was really all I had. I should call him, I’d promised him all the goss and I’m pretty sure a hot date with a sexy Italian man qualified as gossip.

NaNo Log Day 1

2011-11-01T16:17:00.000+08:00

Current word count: 2680

Progress Report : So I had no clue what to write when I started at midnight. But now the rough formation of an idea has started. And I've been writing all day. I aim to get as much done this week as I can because exams are coming up and that will cut into my writing time. I'll also struggle to get much done on weekends coz of work and the bf. So I need to keep up the pace in order to finish in time. Aim to hopefully reach 3500 by tonight.

The first bit I wrote:

Sometimes you have a plan, a list of things to do and the idea of how to do it. But then again, if you’re a girl like me, your plan never quite works out the way you want it to. After all this wasn’t what I wanted. My hints to the guy of my dreams about a romantic trip away had fallen flat on its face. The plane tickets I’d found taped to the underside of his underwear drawer were first class to Fiji. Wonderful. But neither of the names on the tickets were mine. Not so wonderful. So who the hell was Vicki Linden? And why was she going to Fiji with my boyfriend?!

Teasing Taste of Things to come

2011-10-31T21:59:00.000+08:00

Nano starts in just over two hours. Blank mind, blank slate. Vaguely concerning but here goes. Will be posting snippets of my writing here so keep an eye out. Just a little taste for my loyal followers, here's something I wrote recently.

The sound of attempted silence in the library was deafening as people shifted and pages rustled around her. She was bored by her work, the words in front of her blurring mindlessly, she’d read this page ten times already and still she had no idea what it said. She was decided, it was time to play. Her boyfriend sat next to her, comfortably absorbed in a book, he had no idea how uncomfortable he was about to get.

A sly grin spread across her lips as all sorts of naughty ideas sprung to mind. She was going to see just how far she could push the limits. Her eyes still on the page she pretended to read as her hand snaked out to rest on his knee. He didn’t even flinch as her fingers began to trace a soft torturously slow path along the seams of his jeans, moving higher and higher before slipping back down. Looking through her lashes she frowned, again no response. Pressing harder she began to scrape her nails across the material and was satisfied with a quiet growl.

“Having fun there?”

“Shh. No talking in the library remember.”

Grinning she blew him a kiss and turned the page. Beginning her pretend reading once more she shifted her chair closer and lay her hand directly atop his hardening cock. She squeezed lightly her nimble fingers unzipping him easily.

“What are you doing? We’re in public.”

“I know. And i think it’s fairly obvious what I’m doing.”

Fresh Starts and Hard Pasts

2011-10-26T22:48:00.000+08:00

So you may have noticed the new design? There are new bits and pieces around my blog so I'd love it if you took the time to have another look around, see what's changed, and let me know what you think?!

I needed a change, my life's been feeling a bit smothering and rut-ish lately and whilst it's only a super teeny tiny change it's a start. My sister's moving out next week into her own house so that should give me the freedom and space to move my stuff around until I figure out a new space. And it should free up an area to fit my guy's stuff in my room without it taking over, although I'm sure many of you know a guy who simply has to cover a room with their clothes and junk...

Ran into someone recently from a fairly traumatic time in my past, he remembered me but not my name, and that hurt more than it should. His actions destroyed a part of me, left me feeling like complete and utter crap and he has the gall to forget my name?! I thought I was over it, but i'm not. I'm still angry and hurt and want more than anything to forget the damage he did. But I never will. And what makes it worse is that to everyone he seems a perfectly nice, attractive guy, but to me? He's the one who seduced me into thinking he was a sexy nice guy, and then tricked me in the dark, refusing to take no as a final answer. And he's the one who ripped my self-esteem apart with his final words "It'll be better with someone you love." You know what asshole? It is better but I'd rather not know what it's like on the other side thankyou very much. I'd rather not know what it's like to meet a guy who doesn't listen to 'I'm not going to have sex with you' who's you're a virgin and still decides when it's dark and you're distracted that it's okay to do that. God this wasn't supposed to turn into me bitching about that, I'm meant to be moving on. Forgive and forget right? Well I might forget but I'll never forgive!

So anyways, happy thoughts, I think i'm addicted to coke. But it's okay, it's diet :P Hehehehe

NaNoWriMo starts next week. Wish me luck and I hope some of you guys give it a shot too.....

NaNoWriMo take 2

2011-10-13T21:04:00.000+08:00

So I've decided to do NaNoWriMo again this year. I have no idea what i'm going to write so it will be completely fresh and possibly random. The idea of writing more than 1667 words a day on top of exams, work and a boyfriend is a scary, hard proposition but I'm gunna give it a crack and see what I can come up with.

So wish me luck

http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/chrixzy5

Update

2011-10-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

Left to review in this series include:
Unforgettable
Person of Interest
Prime Suspect
Free Agents
Up all Night

Also change of one of my reviews. Ringer: having watched more episodes, only one but hey not the point, i'm finding myself feeling bored and doubting whether it can make a whole season. Kind of lost by the conspiracyness and its losing its appeal. Hopefully it will pick back up but honestly i doubt it. Review changed from 4/5 to 3/5 :(

2 Broke Girls

2011-10-06T21:42:00.000+08:00

This show chronicles the lives of two waitresses in their twenties—Max, who comes from a poor working-class family (and works an additional job as a nanny to a Manhattan socialite), and Caroline, who was born rich but is now disgraced and peniless due to her father being caught operating a Ponzi scheme—working together at a Brooklyn restaurant.

Now I love Kat Dennings, she's a hilariously underrated actress with an 'im dead inside' wit and an acidic tongue. She really makes this show. Her roomie is a nitwit and very funny and the people she works with are amusing and admittedly one-dimensional. The characters could use rounding out but for a show that'll make you laugh and is just for giggles it doesn't particularly matter, I even like the fact they have a horse, Chestnut, he's adorably random... keep an eye out for a 'muddy' scene :P

3/5

Hart of Dixie

2011-10-06T21:30:00.000+08:00

Fast-talking New Yorker and brand new doctor Zoe Hart has it all figured out - after graduating top of her class from medical school, she'll follow in her father's footsteps and become a cardio-thoracic surgeon.

But when her dreams fall apart, Zoe decides to accept an offer from a stranger, Dr. Harley Wilkes, to work with him at his small practice in Bluebell, Alabama. Zoe arrives in this small Gulf Coast town only to find that Harley has passed away and left his half of the medical practice to her in his will. She quickly finds that Southern hospitality isn't always so hospitable

Now I wasn't expecting to love this show. But I'd seriously underestimated the allure of the Southern accent. This show deals with what to do when everyone hates you and you just have to get through it and hope it all works out. There's also some kind of love triangle though I'm thinking maybe its a square, or some other weirdass shape. She likes him, he likes her but is engaged to someone else who has a thing for someone else. Complicated but intriguing. One thing that irritates me though is Lavon Hayes, referring to himself, constantly in the third person, though he is a minor character so it doesnt detract too much from the show. Rachel Bilson is cute as she stumbles through her new life which is completely at odds to her old one.

My rating? Better than I thought it would be 4/5

Necessary Roughness

2011-09-24T10:08:00.000+08:00

A Long Island psychotherapist whose personal life unravels when she finds her husband cheating. Diving fully into her work, Dr. Dani Santino soon finds herself as the most sought-after therapist for high-profile clients. Athletes, entertainers, politicians and others living in the spotlight clamor for her unique brand of tough love therapy during their moments of crisis. Although her career is reenergized, it wreaks havoc on her life as a newly minted single mom of two teenagers

This show is light and funny as it follows Dr Dani and her trials working with sports stars. Her kids are naughty and sneaky, her husband's an ass, and her mum is completely psycho. But the team? Now they have issues that are really fun to watch her tackle whilst trying to deal with her obvious attraction to the team's assistant coach, and the less obvious attraction to Nico, a guy with a huge level of mystery and secrecy and a past that millimetre by millimetre is slowly revealed.

I really like this show , it's light and upbeat and i really recommend it.

4/5

Suits

2011-09-21T18:01:00.000+08:00

On the run from a drug deal gone bad, Mike Ross, a brilliant college-dropout, finds himself a job working with Harvey Specter, one of New York City's best lawyers.

Suits has just finished its first season and I have to say I'm really loving this one, already picked up for a second season this one is looking good and not just coz I think both of them are hot. Suits is one of those shows that you watch because you want to see more. You want to watch the triangle forming in mike's life. You want to see Harvey kick ass. Lewis is whiny and bossy which is amusing and Donna's has mysterious power. Suits has a pull to it that makes it one of those shows I watch first.

4/5

Ringer

2011-09-21T16:49:00.000+08:00

A young woman on the run from the mob poses as her wealthy twin sister to try and evade them, but soon discovers that her sister has a price on her head as well.

Having watched the pilot of this i find myself intrigued to see the rest of this show. The first episode was very intense and packed full of plot and information and i'm intrigued to watch the rest of it unfold more slowly. Sarah Michelle Geller was incredible playing both roles in a way that makes me really glad she's back on tv because she is an amazing actress. Playing on duplicity you have to remember not to assume one is the good twin and one the bad but instead consider the moral ambuigity. Plus the guys in this are pretty hot so i'm keen to watch on

4/5

New Girl

2011-09-19T20:14:00.000+08:00

This show stars Zooey Deschanel as Jessica "Jess" Day, a well-liked, bubbly, and adorable woman in her late 20s who is trying to get over her surprise breakup with her model boyfriend. She eventually finds a new place to stay when she moves in with three single guys: Nick, a bartender; Schmidt, a professional and modern-day casanova; and Coach, a former athlete turned trainer. Rounding out this unlikely bunch is Jessica's street-smart model friend Cece. Together, this group of friends try to help Jess learn a lot about love, life and mostly about herself, while at the same time learn a lot about themselves

Having watched the pilot of this I have to say this is going to be a really good show. Jess is adorkable and really funny, randomly singing to herself and the guys whilst vaguely one-dimensional are going to be pretty interesting to watch develop into rounded characters. Really funny with moments that were priceless. Going to be looking out for this one :)

4.5/5

Alphas

2011-09-19T19:43:00.000+08:00

Dr Lee Rosen leads a team of "Alphas", human beings with enhanced abilities due to differences in their brain structure: Gary Bell, a highly functioning autistic with an ability to process information that rivals most computers; Bill Harken, a former FBI agent who can amp up his "fight or flight" reflex, giving him extraordinary strength for a brief period of time; Cameron Hicks, a former Marine sharpshooter with supernatural balance and aim; Nina Theroux, a beautiful woman who can reprogram other people's minds to do as she bids; and Rachel Pirzad, a sheltered Persian girl who can intensify one sense at the expense of the others. However, with said powers comes a price - for Gary, autism which makes him a child for all intents and purposes; for Harken, severe anger issues that cost him his job and family; for Rachel, struggling to overcome her parents shame at her "illness"; and Nina, never really knowing how those close to her actually feel. In any case, they've all come together for the common good with Rosen as their mentor, teaching them to further control their abilities with each passing day

Now this show is towards the end of its first season and I have to say I really like it. The characters could use more depth but a second season could allow for this expansion. Gary is my favorite with his issues and attitude, he can be quite funny and has a pretty cool ability. The team have to deal with their own issues, deal with the government who want to turn them into a tag-and-bag group for collecting and 'dealing' with Alphas, as well as dealing with Alphas who wont or cant control their gifts, and Red Flag, an organisation that seem to have their fingers in every pot. Its a show that is fast and actiony and I have to say one I shall pray for a second season too. The characters have interesting flaws and their interactions are what makes this show one worth watching :)

3.75/5

Mind changed :P

2011-09-17T22:00:00.000+08:00

So I promised a two parter about the shows I watch but honestly i've changed my mind. Over the next couple of weeks there are a stack of new shows coming out and I've decided to kind of review them. I'll be starting with shows that are in the middle/towards the end of their first season and moving up to the newest ones.

So far I aim to talk about:
Alphas
Suits
Necessary Roughness
Ringer
New Girl
Secret Circle
Revenge

Well do you?

2011-09-13T17:38:00.000+08:00

Do you ever want to just say fuck you all and walk away from everything? Leave all your responsibilities and the binding chains behind and just walk away?

Shows I watch

2011-09-12T23:03:00.000+08:00

Part one of a two parter series :P These are some of the shows I currently watch, next up will be new shows that are coming out that i'd like to watch.

Fuck this all

2011-09-08T23:29:00.000+08:00

I'm freaking out. I think i'm gunna be poor. Don't wanna move, don't wanna downsize. Feel like everything spiralling away from me. My mum's broke. I want to help but it's just going to cost me so much. Wish I could just afford to move out but frankly i cant. Life sucks so much. I wish things were so different, just feel like crying. I guess I'm used to a certain lifestyle and the idea of having it ripped away from me sucks. Have to get used to wanting more than I can have, this fucking sucks.

I know this sounds like the whining of a rich brat who's parents suddenly went broke, very cliche. And yeah I know I'm old enough that i should maybe start supporting myself, but whilst i'm quite domesticated theres noway i can afford it. I just don't need this stress, and neither does she. My mum is way too sick to have to deal with this. And now im scared all the time. Scared it's going to send her into a huge spiral, make her worse which'd cost her more which'd stress her more! If she was healthy she wouldnt have to pay so much for her shrinks, she could hold a job, she could be sociable and happy. But she's not...so i guess i just have to deal. I can't deal with this.

Fuck.

He's making a list and checking it twice, gunna find out who's naughty or nice

2011-08-31T19:09:00.000+08:00

Now Christmas may be four months away but that hasn't stopped me from beginning my Christmas shopping :P A few people already have their presents from me organised but most are still up in the air. See the thing about Christmas shopping is a lot of people leave it to the last minute...don't believe me? Look at the awful rush at the shops in December. Now my theory is if I spread it out I have less worry, i don't have to worry about things like postage delays, drain on my savings, or simple stress over what the hell to get the people I care about.

To me presents should show thought and effort. Some amazing presents I've given...not to toot my own horn, include a usb with photos from the last 20-25 years for my mum, a novel length story with my friend as the main character for her birthday, and tickets to an admittedly awful but totally appropriate play. Now this year I've planned out almost everyone's presents, there are only 2 or 3 people I haven't come up with anything for yet. But more importantly I've decided to follow the path set by many chefs and foodies and do hampers with sweet treats inside.

Now my question to you guys is what should i put in the hampers? Suggestions would be awesome. And do you think it's okay to do one for my boyfriend's family or is that strange?

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain - Mark Twain

2011-08-21T23:16:00.000+08:00

Today I was watching the latest episode of Warehouse 13 in which the characters, via a videogame, face their worst fears. This seems to be a common theme in tv shows with a paranormal element. Characters are often required to face their fears. Buffy's Nightmare epsiode required the citizens of Sunnydale to face their fears...Buffy becoming a vamp, Willow singing in public, Xander was terrorised by a clown whilst Giles went blind. Stargate Atlantis's Doppelganger episode killed of characters through scaring them to death. Charmed had an episode, can't remember the name, but after a run in with too much of the Sandman's sand the girls dreams came to live and they had to face what the were afraid of in order to make it go away. This theme even shows up in cartoons! The Powerpuff girls, Hercules, Lilo and Stitch (the show), and even Ducktales explored a person's worst fears manifesting.

So what's the point of all this you may ask? Well it got me thinking, what is my worst fear? Why does this scare me? What are the most common and what are some of the worse fears of the people around me.

The most common worst fears, according to the net are, in no particular order:

Gaining weight
Being alone
Germs
Rejection
Snakes and Spiders
Speaking in public
Getting old
Death
Permanent injury resulting in helplessness (paralysis, sudden blindness etc)

I asked a few people what they fear. To hide their names i'll use numbers instead :P

1. Snakes and Losing the one he loves

2. Death without making an impact on the world.

3 Spiders

4. Spiders and drowning

5. Dying alone.

Now it may seems like I've been dodging the whole personal aspect of what I'M afraid of, but trust me, I haven't forgotten. I'm getting to it, i promise :P

I'm afraid of the usual bugs and creepy critters. At night if there's something in my room i get incredibly paranoid its touching me. I don't know why, it's stupid because honestly what is a fly going to do to me? But there's something about insects that makes my skin crawl.

I'm afraid of doing new things alone, I admit I'm a complete chicken. Seriously. I don't mind new things so much I'm just absolutely terrified of doing them alone. So i guess that's partially being alone as well.

I'm afraid of people. There's a lot of cruelty and hatred, pure evil in this world and I fear it touching me or anyone I care about which is why strange noises freak me out, i always immediately think there's someone in the house and it bothers me greatly. I'm afraid my friends will never find anyone who will appreciate their strength and passion or treat them the way they deserve. I'm afraid my mum will never be happy again. I'm afraid everyone will achieve their dreams and that I will never find my bliss. I'm afraid my future kids will have a Dad like mine and will feel the same rejections and abandonment I did.

I'm afraid of becoming blind because I love to read and watch tv and would never be satisfied with an audiobook. I fear breast cancer because i doubt I'd be able to catch it in time and if I had to have a mastectomy I would look incredibly lopsided. I'm afraid one day I'll wake up and realize I'm agoraphobic and can't leave the house. I'm afraid I don't have the same emotions or feel the same as other people. I'm afraid my violent nature will end up costing me more than I can afford yet it's an instinctive behavior I can't stop. I'm Afraid I'll never orgasm.

As you can see I'm plagued by fears. But enough about me. What are you most afraid of?

What I'm reading right now...

2011-08-02T21:30:00.000+08:00

My main book I'm reading is one I've read before, a sizzling paranormal romance novel by Sydney Croft aka larissa Ione called Riding the Storm. It's the first in the Agency of Covert Operatives series. Haley Holmes, the main character is sent by her agency to lure Remy Begnaud to her agency before ITOR the rival agency gets to him. Remy can create weather when he's aroused or emotional and this book is heavily filled with sexual content. it literally has a sex scene every few pages. I love it.

I'm also reading Dragon Wytch by Yasmine Galenorn. The fourth of the Sisters of the Moon series this book focuses on Camille, a rather sensual and promiscuous witch. Set in Seattle Camille has two main boyfriends and owes a dragon shifter a week of um...service? Not sure how else to put that to be honest. Along with her sisters Menolly, a vampire and Delilah a tabby cat shifter the half fae women seek to prevent their enemy shadow wing from getting the third spirit seal. There's also a Prince Unicorn with a precious gift that vanishes and Fae creating mayhem amongst the full blooded humans. I like this series but it's quite slow each book focusing on the sisters. This is Camille's second book and I still find it hard to swallow how attractive and sexual she's meant to be, it's a bit much.

I'm almost halfway through Twitterature by Alexander Aciman and Emmett Rensin. A birthday present from a friend It basically consists of classic books such as the Iliad and Hamlet retold through twitter updates with each book taking up one or two pages. Interesting and funny i'm getting a relative understanding of the plot of books i've never read before in a short period of time.

The final book I'm rereading David Eddings' Magician's Gambit. The third in the Belgariad series I have been reading this one in a while and whilst I truly love this one i only get around to reading a few pages a day because of everything else going on. I want to finish rereading this series as I think David Eddings is an impressive and underrated author with an incredible array of novels. This story follows Belgarion and his companions on their quest to find the Orb of Aldur.

Reality vs Romance Novels

2011-07-20T21:22:00.000+08:00

This is a draft I wrote ages ago that I just discovered. I hope you find it interesting. If you think of anything i might have missed lemme know :)

1. Shower sex...not as easy as it sounds unless the girl is tiny and the guy is strong enough to pick her up and support her weight. Also issues with slipperiness. However experimentation can result in a few positions that are manageable for a few minutes at a time....

2. Timeframe. RN have these whirlwind romances that would honestly freak me out if it happened in RL, If we fell in mutual love in the space of a few days i would be terrified. Something that burns so hot initially is bound to burn out.

3. Strong hatred turned to love. Yeah right, admittedly some of the most passionate anger can be a disguise for lust but really strong feelings where the person has been badly hurt by the other person cannot be changed, especially in such short spans.

4. Multiple orgasms. The girl is often uptight or reserved in the beginning before being unleashed, turned into a sexfiend. Both partners can orgams repeatedly in a session of sex, everytime. In almost EVERY book this occurs. Frankly there is a large percentage of the female population that can't orgasm, or struggles to multiple.

Bucket List

2011-06-20T17:24:00.001+08:00

So I've started making my own bucket list. I intend to finish it and make it look pretty then print it out and mark things off. So far I have 50 things. Here they are:

1. See a hot air balloon festival and go up in one

2. Go to wallmart

3. Learn sign language

4. Invent a lullaby

5. Have a massive library with a sliding ladder

6. Experience zero-gravity

7. See the Northern Lights

8. See stonehenge

9. Travel through Venice on a gondola

10. Learn sword fighting

11. Learn how to shoot with lots of different guns

12. Read every book written by Sherrilyn Kenyon

13. Make a list of 100 books I want to read and read them all

14. Collect my favourite books from my childhood

15. Buy every book on my book wishlist

16. Meet Misha Collins

17. Meet Matt Bomer

18. Meet Jenson Ackles

19. Join the Mile-High Club

20. Pass on a family heirloom to your child. (We don't have any so I'd have to start my own tradition).

21. Write a letter to each of your children telling them what you want them to know about your life and the lessons you've learned

22. Have my own home with a fireplace

23. Have a four poster bed

24. Get a book published

25. See someone reading my book

26. Donate blood

27. Own a small bookstore with comfy cushions to sit on.

28. Write a novel in a month through NaNoWriMo

29. Try Beignets at Cafe Du Monde

30. Quit a job I hate

31. Attend a Murder Mystery Dinner

32. Have a whirlwind romance in a foreign country

33. Meet Sherrilyn Kenyon

34. Go Zorbing in New Zealand.

35. Starburst

36. Plant a tree

37. Ride in a black 1967 Chevy Impala

38. Watch all 8 Hp’s in a row without stopping

39. Have a zen garden

40. Go to a comedy festival in Montreal

41. Visit Vancouver

42. Tick everything of my ‘naughty list’

43. Ride a mechanical bull

44. Visit all the Disneyland/world’s : Orlando, Paris, Hong Kong, Japan, California,

45. Make a candle and keep it burning for someone I love

46. Knit a quilt

47. Develop my own herb garden and keep it alive!!!

48. Take a roadtrip with friends

49. Snuggle up in the arms of the man I love and watch fireworks

50. Make a list of 100 things that make me happy and decorate it

If wishes were like flowers I'd like....

2011-06-05T23:29:00.001+08:00

- Flowers. Noone's ever given me flowers before.
-Guys to be able to tell what your hints mean.
-People to be more thoughtful with their gift giving, not just relying on something predictable like alcohol as a gift, especially when the receiver barely drinks. For my 18th i got heaps of alcohol. I drank NONE of it, shows how much you know me people :/

-A claddagh ring for my birthday. I used to have one but my sis dropped my tv on it and smooshed it. I'd really love another one so that i could show the world in a teeny tiny way that my heart belongs to another. Plus the whole thing is a sign of friendship, love and loyalty and that seems like such a beautiful thing to me.
- To rediscover lost abilities. Namely baking, but also pool and drawing.
-My sis to have her baby, she's now 5 days overdue and i'm tired of waiting for the news that she's gone into labour!
-Starburst. This might only make sense to a few of my followers but it bothers me greatly that I have yet to achieve this. it seems that those who can don't appreciate or desire it nearly as much as those who cant, it seems to be one of those 'weak know the true value of strength' things (yeah i watched the captain america trailer earlier :P )

Can't touch this

2011-06-02T19:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes a girl just has to rant, so bare with me. I've recently been embroiled in a fight between myself and my boyfriends's mates. A heated debate turned into them attacking me and my friends who weren't even involved ending with me in tears and my bf deciding to not talk to his friends. Unfortunately his assholes of friends have decided that I am the enemy that must be eliminated and are consistently driving a wedge. His mate threatened me, demanded my bf 'sort out his bitch of a gf' and blamed me for absolutely everything, claiming that my guy is a bad friend and stating that 'he hopes he gets shot' when he gets deployed.

I feel like I've ruined a friendship, and am hurting my guy, despite the fact that I was the one attacked and not the attacker. I'm miserable over the situation and feel like a terrible person. Frankly I'm sick of them ganging up on me. So I've decided my attitude needs to change. I don't need them to like me as long as my bf still loves me. I didn't do anything wrong so I don't need to feel guilty. And ya know what, fuck them! Threatening my relationship, my friends, saying that you'll sic a warrant officer on me...makes you a fuckwit. Calling me names like fat slut, vile bitch, and stating that he can 'go and find a REAL woman once he's done' with me makes you a horrible person and a nasty bastard. And I'm not going to let you hurt me anymore. I'm not afraid, you CANT hurt me, and you CANT hurt my relationship unless i let you. And i fucking wont.

Somewhere only we know...

2011-05-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

I've always wanted my own place. Some place I go for privacy, or to contemplate my thoughts, or just to read a book. Years ago I read this scene in a Harlequin story where this girl has her spot, it's under a tree on a golf course and she used to watch the guy she liked play golf there. years later she took him to that spot and shared it with him. It was such an intimate thing, sharing her secret place with this one guy, meant so much more than sex or saying I love you, it was real and honest. Ever since I read that Ive wanted my own spot. somewhere to go when the urge hits me. But i've never been able to find it.

Recently I've found myself wanting to discover a place with my guy, something thats ours. Somewhere only we know. Which coincidently is why im loving this song atm...

Somewhere only we know - Keane

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know

So tell me something, am I alone in this? Do you have a private spot to go? Do you want one? Or am I bonkers?

I want...Wednesdays

2011-04-20T21:23:00.000+08:00

Everyone wants something. Whether you want a certain book, some time to yourself, or world peace, share what you want with “I Want….” Wednesdays.

I want (well would like, my mother raised me right after all :P ):

This dress

http://www.victoriassecret.com/clothing%7Cclothing/features/dress-shop/date-night-dresses?ProductID=1265437016562

My own Eden, a sanctuary style library with a sliding ladder and every book I could ever want to read on the shelves.
A new camera....I dropped and broke mine and I kind of want to document this year for my scrapbooks.
And on that note I want to complete my scrapbook :P
A bigger bed. But bed shopping is haaaard, it feels like such a commitment that I want to make the right decision but I dont really think I know enough to do so! :/ Plus theyre expensive!

So tell me folks, what do you want?

The female thesaurus

2011-04-17T20:59:00.000+08:00

So I keep seeing things about translating women... you know what I'm talking about, what women say and what they really mean. That kinda thing. So here's my crack at translating female behavior. Let me know if you think i'm wrong.

Sulking/Storming off/ Pouting = generally means you've fucked up, upset me and now I want you to prove how much you care by hugging or kissing me, chasing after me and generally begging for forgiveness.

Pretending to consider your/his friends as potential lovers. Saying you think someone's hot etc = trying to make you jealous. If your girl is trying to make you jealous then I suggest you kiss her senseless and tell her you love her and she's yours. She's TRYING to make you jealous in order to have you reassure her how much you love her.

Not texting for a period of time = She's waiting for you to text her. She's either afraid of coming across as clingy, waiting for you to show her how much you're thinking of her, or frankly can't think of anything interesting to say and is afraid to come across as boring.

Frequently commenting on your fb page, leaving hickeys in visible places, being overly affectionate in front of specific people, = marking her territory. this might sound stupid but if she's overly clingy in front of someone, eg one of her friends what she's really doing is telling them to fuck off coz you're taken. This especially occurs if she (or you) has one of those friends, everyone has one, who knows no boundaries...the boyfriend stealer who does it to feel better about herself.

List of Loves

2011-04-14T18:49:00.000+08:00

I love...

People who give awesome hugs. I'm talking the full on bear hug. Tight grip, two armed, full emotion. A proper hug that says 'i've missed you' or 'i had a good time lets hang out again'. Most people might not realize that there is a language inherent in the way you hug, its a form of communication!!!

Making lists and ticking things off. I have a little notebook that all the books by the authors I read are recorded in. I highlight which books I have an which ones I've read. And To do lists. Ticking things off makes me feel like I've accomplished something with me day. Love it.

Doing something that feels vaguely naughty...Reading sex scenes in public. Wearing sexy or matching undies. Kissing at work. Eating an entire packet of junk food in one go. Dancing in the nude (When home alone).

Snuggling up in bed with a good movie, food, drinks and a book whilst it's raining with absolutely no need to get out of bed. Making cookies at midnight. Belting out the words to a favored song. Having part of a story come together with little effort and without writer's block.

Being told you're loved. Snuggling in the warm arms of someone who cares about you. Best feeling ever.

Rantarama

2011-04-05T16:42:00.000+08:00

I hate.....

People who drive waaay under the speed limit when there is no valid reason drive me crazy. Today I got stuck behind a car doing 40km in an 80km zone when there was no-one in front of him and no possible way for me to overtake him. To some extent i understand driving below the speed limit but when people drive WAY under it's ridiculous and unfair to other drivers.

And speaking of driving, people who dont indicate when turning on a roundabout. It drives me insane when people look like they're going straight then turn right in front of you cutting you off. Ugh!!!

People who cancel plans with you minutes before you're supposed to meet up. If you gotta get out of plans with me give me ENOUGH warning that i can find something else to do so Im not left abandoned. :( Its mean

Hiccups...I get them so often and they can really hurt!

I seem to have developed this way of typing or writing which ends up with my letters all muddled. It gets all confusing and things never come out the way i intend to :( Its really frustrating!

Colour me talentless

2011-03-28T14:48:00.000+08:00

I wish I could draw, or sing, or even write better. I have this urge to draw something, I see it in my head but it will never come out on paper. I see a man pinning a woman to the wall. He has her hands pressed tightly above her head in one hand whilst the other is stroking her hair.Their thighs are intertwined with his thigh between hers pressing her against the wall. Their faces are mere inches away from each other. In my mind its both a mix of primal dominance and passion with just a hint of sweetness.Yet I just can't seem to figure out how to get it on paper. And that really bothers me.

As for singing, now I love belting out the lyrics to a song when im alone in my car, but truth is I'm awful. So bad I actually laugh at myself when im alone!!! I'm literally ashamed of how bad my singing is! But it's not going to stop me from turning the volume up super loud and singing my little lungs out (When i'm ALONE)

However I have taken some pretty cool photos this year, like this one of the Bayou

Smutty storytime

2011-03-27T16:52:00.000+08:00

The New York Times, December 1980:

"Women too have their pornography: Harlequin romances, novels of 'sweet savagery,' - bodice-rippers."

So lately I've been getting into historical romances, I blame S for lending me a book that started this whole thing... When Harry met Molly. This book was incredible, it was cute, quirky, funny but most of all it managed to do all of this and have scenes that were sexy as hell. Ones that make you bite your lip when you're reading it and consider ways to incorporate all the naughty things into your life. Because of this book I've began amassing a collection of historical romances trying to find some that are both cute and sexy without being overly predictable. I've found a few authors I like,Kieran kramer, Alexandra Hawkins, Michelle marcos, but would appreciate any recommendations...

I'm loving the bodice rippers and It's kind of influenced my backgrounds for my laptop.

My next one....

My Current one.....

The Met (i think) NY

2011-03-02T19:31:00.000+08:00

I like this photo, the crisp white snow, bright blue skies, the window panes crisscrossing the picture. Very clean.

Auckland flower

2011-03-02T15:21:00.001+08:00

Photo freebie

2011-03-01T18:26:00.000+08:00

Best beignets in N'Awlins

I'm back baby!

2011-02-26T22:40:00.000+08:00

I'm terrible! I havent been able to access my laptop for ages and then I went away for a month so was unable to update this! My bad! Forgives me? *puppy eyes*

My trip, well it was pretty amazing, i saw some really strange things, crazy people and genuine kindness (though a lot of fake kindness too) and had some incredibly hilarious moments that (and yeah i know I hate people who say this but in this case it really is true!) you had to be there to understand. Many in-jokes were spawned from this trip and I'm really glad i went. I also got ideas for random one off scenes whilst I was there, some I wrote...some I havent got around to yet. But i think once written theyll be pretty damn amazing, i'll show you them when I'm done. Promise

Coming home was still great though, to be back in my own bed, to not have to constantly think about tax or tips....to be able to sleep without snoring or construction...Bliss! And yeah to be back in the arms of my bf was great too, nice to feel missed after all. :P

Well the point of this post is simply to get on my knees and apologise to my followers and promise some treats to come...some snippets of writing and possibly photos of my exploration of america. Since I should probably get to bed as i have *sigh* work in the morning I'll wrap it up here with just this note...

My Dad doesn't deserve me. And this year is going to scare the crap out of me, stupid uni :(

Bye lovelies!

Is it that look in her eyes?

2011-01-05T01:24:00.000+08:00

http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&q=mine+lovers#/dqxiym

I found this on deviantart i think, and I really love it. The image screams possessiveness to me. holding him close and knowing he's yours. Having someone you care enough about that you'd fight to keep them and fear losing them? That's a possessive kind of love that I appreciate. Look at her, she's screaming at you to fuck off with her eyes because he is HER man and she won't share. Love it. And he's willing surrendering to the heat in her embrace. Because he's staking his claim too. She is his and he is hers. Beautiful.

You ever have those days when the innocence is all you want, the memories all you need? Speaking of....

http://alicexz.deviantart.com/

beautiful work. Captures the essence of the movies perfectly.

People need to know that they shouldn't have to change who they are to satisfy others. Who you are is amazing, you don't need to fit into others' ideas of perfection. Perfection does not exist. But you need to accept yourself before others can accept you. Or love you.

You have no idea how much she needs to know you think she's pretty or beautiful. It is so important to tell her how you feel. If she's put effort into feeling beautiful, tell her because otherwise she'll feel crushed, like her effort was wasted. And when her hair's a mess and she's merely in pjs or bumming round the house clothes, if you think she's looking adorabley cute. tell her! People really need to start telling things how they see them. Course if you think she looks ugly I probably wouldn't mention that, you might earn yourself a slap. What I'm saying is be honest but be smart, you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

And ladies, if he's looking damn fine, tell him! You might preen his swollen ego but sometimes men are far more sensitive and insecure than we believe. Turns out they need the boost just as much as we do, sometimes more. Never let your man (or friends) feel unappreciated, unattractive, or undesirable. Guys are more fragile than they appear.

Plus they can be kind of slow so if you want something, or they fucked up be blunt, just tell them coz they really have no idea what your hints mean, that's if they even notice. My new years resolution (aside from the one about being nicer to my sis) was to be more honest, not that i really have a problem with honesty, but I dont want to send mixed signals anymore. If I want something I'm going to say it, because im sick of misunderstood when I simply havent been clear enough.

All you need to know about me...

2010-12-26T14:19:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas y'all

2010-12-25T09:11:00.000+08:00

So today I was woken up by my sister's face mere inches away from mine. Freaking scary sight to open your eyes to, creepy, which i suppose was her aim. But still... not nice.

But anyway... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! I hope all my followers have a great day filled with lots of love, good food and good company. I hope by the time the day is over you will have had one to remember forever :) Dont forget to thank santa :P

2010-12-23T08:09:00.001+08:00

The future a.k.a The dreaded Where do you see yourself in five years?

2010-12-19T00:14:00.000+08:00

Career. Most people have some kind of plan, a rough idea of what they want at least. But me? Not a frigging clue. I recently graduated my uni course, so I now have a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Criminology. Go me. But then it leaves wtf to do next year. The psych part of my course bored me and since I'd rather kill someone than do another unit of anything remotely connected to research or stats that means honours and fourth year are out....so you aren't looking at a psychologist. And the crim part? Meh, more interesting so I might do something in that field in the future. But tbh im clueless. I have no idea what to expect or what to do.

What I would love to do would be to open my own little boutique bookshop, a nice little place with space to read thats tucked away from the brunt of the world. Maybe with my own book on the shelves. But it's a dream I'll likely never fulfill. The rise of ebooks and online shopping has crushed bookshops. Why bother going out to buy a book when you can buy it online or read it on ur kindle or computer? And as for having my own book on shelves somewehere? Who'm I kidding? I'm not that good.

Love life. Hell the idea of introducing my bf to my sis or Dad freaks me out so much. Like it will make it real somehow. He seems so hesitant to introduce me to his friends,which I can't help but overthink. Ugh too many thoughts bothering me but for now I think I'll just do my best to enjoy the ride and have some fun, after all It's about time this angel let her hair down and her horns jut free. This year? I plan to be naughty.

As for the future of my love life I hope that it's full of adventure and passion, trust and support. I hope that I managed to tick many things of my 'list' and add many more along the way. But most of all I hope I learn how to feel more than lust for a guy. I'm afraid I'll never learn to love completely. That I won't be hugely disappointed by sex or love because I learnt everything I know from romance novels or tv. The idea that nothing is as great as I've read about scares the crap out of me. I want the epic romance, I don't want my love life to be boring!

Family. My sister's pregnant. God the idea of a baby in the house makes me cringe. I find myself breathlessly praying that her n her man stay together forever because the idea of her moving back in and me losing my space to a nursery makes me want to commit some crimes. Anything to get out of the house :P My Dad and I managed to have our first civil conversation in over 6 months yesterday so maybe things are looking up there. Perhaps we can head back to having a relationship though I think our father-daughter bond is too damaged to ever be repaired. Still he's the only Dad I have so I gotta make the effort right?

Hopes and dreams. I'm thinking about writing a kind of Bucket List. Not that i'm dying or anything but since I really don't have many hopes and dreams I think I really should create something to aspire to. I don't want to just exist.

*** *** ***
So what's on your bucket list? Plans for the future? Are you as scared of it as me?

Also I noticed I have a new follower. Hello!!!!

Pic Post

2010-12-15T12:53:00.000+08:00

Wondering...

2010-12-13T23:39:00.000+08:00

Do you ever stop to wonder 'God what am I doing?!' ??

Slip of the tongue cutting through the tale

2010-12-13T23:18:00.000+08:00

Words and conversations can sound so epic on the page. Flowing with a humour and ease that just sounds awesome. You can sound so smart, witty or wise. But you know what, try saying it out loud and you sound like a tool.

Soul Bound was written as a gift with myself and my friend as the main characters. Yesterday we actually read through the conversations acting them out. It was hilarious. But more importantly it made me realize something just in time for Soul Bound's first indepth round of edits. My conversations are either extremely cliche, simply bad, or too mortifying to ever be able to say out loud seriously. My entire story needs work. But you know what? Reading through it helped. Why did I never consider doing it before?

So I think when each story reaches editing stage I might actually grab a friend or two and read through the talking. See how well the conversation truly flows.

So tell me my genius writer buddies, when editing how do you decide what stays and what goes? What needs work and what sounds truly awful?

Help?

2010-12-06T22:28:00.000+08:00

So I'm making my own version of a cookbook. it's basically a collection of recipes i know and love and some I've yet to try. If anyone has any recipes that they adore and use a lot. Food they well and truly love and would like to share I'd appreciated hearing them so I can give them a shot :)

So this is a request to all my followers. Share your classics...please?

So you had a bad day...

2010-12-05T19:18:00.000+08:00

So today I found out that a girl I thought was nice had been calling me fat behind my back, I'm not so much hurt by the fact that she thinks I'm fat; clearly she has her own body image issues that shes forcing onto me because it's easier. But I am bothered by her bitching. Having never done anything against her it confuses me as to why she felt the need to attack , i thought we were friends. Clearly we're not. I'm not one of those people that feels the need to monitor what I eat and bemoan every calorie. I like food and I eat what I want, whatever. Yeah I have days when I feel fat but I rarely hate myself the way she does. But you know what, I'm relatively happy. And I don't like it when people fuck with that.

I also had another fight with my Dad over something that i said months ago. I'd hoped he'd have gotten over it. Clearly he hasn't. Yes I was in the wrong, but so was he. I shouldn't have to take full blame for the breakdown of our relationship. You don't care anymore then fine, whatever. But I'm sick of trying to fix it. So fucking sick of it so I give up. You'll either get over yourself and accept that you've been an absentee Dad and try n fix it or you wont. Up to you Dad. No wonder all my FMC have Daddy issues.

I'm so tired. Work, a social life, and sleep, seems losing any of of these sucks. If I dont work then I have no money. If I dont have a social life I'm bored. If I don't sleep I'm cranky as hell and both work and my social life suffer. So I've decided sleep is important! Lots and lots of sleep in the next few days before I have work again methinks.

Now what?

2010-11-30T21:47:00.000+08:00

So Nano is over. Finally. I managed to drag myself over the finish line by writing 20 000 words in four days. Which btw...seriously hard! And yeah I know my story sucks. And I know it needs a lot of work but you know what? I'm impressed with myself. i said I was going to do something and I did it. So I'm proud of myself.

It was hard, at the beginning of the month study for exams got in the way. In the middle of the month and towards the end work and a seriously hectic social life intervened. And yet I didn't have to give up anything and i still managed to get my work done. I feel...accomplished. So yay. My story isn't finished but for now I need a rest, Christmas is approaching fast n I have stuff to do, but once cards and presents are done I'll be committing to completing Chaos Unleashed. Maybe one day you'll see it on the shelves somewhere...under a penname of course.

So I'm finally able to blog regularly again, promise :P Sorry about my little hiatus! Forgive me?

Nano: Freaking harder than it looks!

2010-11-22T14:11:00.000+08:00

So I hit 29 000 last night. Except I'm supposed to be at 37 000! I'm falling further behind every night no matter how hard I try. It's so much harder than it looks!!!!!!!!! Here's a taste of what I'm currently up to.

“So I have a choice. Join them or die?”

“No, you have a third choice, learn control and then hide. Hide in plain sight. Do your job everyday, go home, walk your dog and shag your wife. Do nothing unusual and they will never notice you.”

“My dog and wife?”

“Well to blend in that’s what it takes. A family. A job. Fit in and be free. Stand out and die.”

“not much of a choice...”

“You say that now, but be honest with yourself Blake. A wife, kids, steady job on the Force, isn’t that what you want from life? So just do it. The only difference is that now you have a secret that you can’t tell anyone. Not even your soulmate.”

“Well now that you have my future all planned out how will I know what my gift is?”

“You know how to meditate?”

“Do I look like I know how to meditate?”

“You look like you know how to do many things; run a mile, build a shelf, catch a killer. Meditation’s not one of them. Time to learn though. Unless you wanna take up yoga?”

----- ------ ------ ------ ----- ------ ------ ------ ------- -------- ----- ----- -----

Or a scene from a few pages earlier....

“So I’m betting you don’t usually do that when you’re on the clock?”

“Nope. Maybe I should, although I think the other guys would be a tad freaked out.”

“Oh I don’t know Blake, I can’t be the only one to think of alternate uses for crime scene tape.”

“Oh?”

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

“Seems a bit excessive.”

“I always do things to extreme. Killing you with kisses so to speak.”

“So there’s kissing involved...”

“Oh please, there’s far more than kissing involved.”

“Now you have to tell me!”

“Or what? You’ll spank me?”

“How is it a punishment if you want it?”

“I could be a masochist...”

“Please you are far too sadistic for that.”

“Oh ouch. You wound me.”

“Liar.”

“Well in any case you should learn to be more innovative.”

“Like this?”

He grabbed her wrists in one large hand tying them to the headboard with his belt.

“Nice try, but amateurish my dear.”

Chaos easily wriggled free and laughing pulled him close for a kiss. It was playful, a gentle exploration unlike the previous passion-fuelled heated clash of teeth and tongue. She could taste herself on his tongue as he could no doubt taste himself on hers. Too soon he pulled away. Their eyes met and fear rose inside her. There were definite feelings here, something growing between them that wouldn’t be denied. But they had to be.

“You know there can’t be anything more than this right?”

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but my mother always said to try new experiences, and I don’t feel like giving whatever this is up yet.”

Not even halfway yet

2010-11-17T00:34:00.000+08:00

So I'm way behind as a result of taking a few days off around exams. Catching up now though at 22 000 words when I should be at 27 000 so it's still achievable. Here's a conversation I wrote today.

“Blake and I are going to visit some of the places we knew he was last at. See if I can figure out where he’ll go next. Maybe the cop will see something we’ve missed.”

“Would you stop calling me the cop?!”

“Would you rather I call you by Isis’s nickname for you?”

“Do I want to know what it is?”

“You wouldn’t!”

“I would!”

“Well what is it?”

“Isis calls you Officer Dreamy. Probie preferred Officer Steamy.”

Isis gasped, heat spreading across her cheeks as she covered her face with her hands.

“I can’t believe you told him.”

“Hahaha well that’s flattering. You’re quite pretty yourself Doc.”

“Ah ah ahhh hands off cop. She’s far too young for you.”

“Yeah besides Kae wants you for herself!”

“Isis!!!”

“Well if we’re being honest might as well but you in the hot seat too.”

“Cow.”

“Payback’s a bitch.”

“Just like you.”

“Jerk.”

“Rat.”

“Hypocrite.”

“Girls are you going to have to play nice or will I have to separate you?”

“Don’t you want us together Officer? Or are we too much for you to handle?” Chaos smiled flirtily, running the backs of her fingers softly up his arm. Shivers raced across his skin and sparks flew between them at the contact. Oh yeah she was way overdue for some fun.

“Chaos play nice. The poor man doesn’t know how to handle you.”

“Oh I know how to handle her just right don’t you worry.”

Chaos bit her lip at the promise in his heated gaze. He would know exactly what to do to make her burn, hell just being this close to him and she was smouldering with need. Isis was pretending to fan herself as she faked a swoon.

“Ooh boy the heat you two are throwing off is enough to make a girl melt. Get a room!”

“We’re in a room Isis.”

“Ooh maybe I should leave you alone then.”

“ Normally I’d say fuck yes, hell I would be ripping his clothes off with my teeth and you could either join in or leave.”

“But?”

“We have work to do.”

“Fuck.” Blake groaned, expelling a heated rush of breath.

“Later perhaps.” Chaos met his gaze noting the shared intensity, oh yeah they weren’t going to last much longer before they got all naked and sweaty. His white-knuckled grip on the back of the chair betrayed him, he wanted her too. So hard the chair was creaking under his grip.

Teaser Tuesday - Chaos Unleashed

2010-11-16T11:52:00.000+08:00

So I'm way behind, but here you go, this is a scene where Chaos has just injured herself and Blake has taken her to her 'home' where Isis healed her. It's a thought/experiencing opening to a chapter rather than a conversation. Let me know what you think

Softness caressed her skin. There was no pain, she felt safe and comfortable where she was. Smiling gently her eyes flickered open. The soft first rays of the rising sun dappled the walls with yellow tinged warmth as the birds began their daily wakeup call. She was in her bed at headquarters, its supporting hardness a contrast to the squishy pillow she was currently wrapped around. Her cheek was pressed into the satiny material her arms holding it close as her knee rested on the end, she was stretched out on her side like usual but something felt off. Not in a bad way or any sense of wrongness, something just felt different. Rolling away from the wall she faced her eyes scanned her room. At the foot of her bed with his head resting on her mattress and his body slumped forward in a chair was Blake Sullivan.

Asleep he looked vulnerable, the strong protective facade melted away to show the man beneath the cop. The faded lines around his eyes and the dark circles beneath them seemed less obvious as he slept deeply, he seemed almost innocent. Yet even in sleep a frown creased his forehead and his mouth was tight. Chaos wanted so badly to kiss away his troubles and snuggle against him as he slept. She’d felt safe when she woke up. She never felt safe at headquarters. This wasn’t her home and never would be. So why had she felt safe? The only thing different was him. He made her feel safe. It had to be part of their bond, a side effect perhaps. It couldn’t be him. The very idea of her past and profession disgusted him. They were total opposites and once this was over she would take so much of his life from him, remove any idea that he’d ever met her. Wipe herself from his mind once more. So why did that idea hurt more than freeing her gift had? It couldn’t possibly be feelings...could it?

Oh yeah, she was so scrubbed if anyone found out about this. Feelings were bad. Other agents would try to use him against her, leverage his life for power. And GIRM? Well they would just eliminate him. Distractions from their mission were not tolerated. Whatever she felt for him, whatever was growing between them had to be snubbed out now. Terminated at the source. From now on she would give no inclination of her feelings for him. Strictly professional.

But he just looked so adorably sexy lying there. She wanted him on her bed more often. And hopefully in a more conscious state. Something about him screamed sex god and it wasn’t just his sheer hotness. He moved with the grace and power of a predator, and she was his willing prey. He spoke with the authority of someone who was used to being obeyed and wasn’t she just dying to let him dominate her. Let him decide what she can and cannot do. Order her to do the things she was yearning for with the confidence of an alpha male. She wanted an equal, someone to share the responsibility and power with. Someone who could take her crap and call her on it, dominate her but let her dominate him. A power play that could fuel her desire for years. And she sensed he was it. Blake was the first man who’d ever been challenging, Alpha enough that she hungered for his touch, the feel of his body moving against hers.

She craved the sensuality that dripped from him promising a pleasure beyond anything she’d ever seen or experienced. He moaned slightly in his sleep as he shifted against the bed and Chaos knew she wanted to hear him moan her name as she screamed his. Hear her name roll of his tongue like a loving caress or a groan of desperation. He was a toy she would give anything to play with.

So why couldn’t she? If she kept feelings out of it and trusted her team no one would have to know. One night. They could have one blissful night together and it would only be frowned upon if discovered. He wouldn’t be killed, and if she altered his memories she wouldn’t be scrubbed. One night together was all she could dare. She knew that it would be worth any consequence that followed and she had to experience the promise of his touch. The chemistry was burning her alive. Maybe if it ran out of fuel she could focus enough to get Probie back. Tonight. She needed him too badly to wait any longer. They were running out of time. She would seduce him into her bed for one night of no-strings attached, mutual release of desire tonight. It was all she could offer him. Not that he would remember any of it. And didn’t that just suck.

Teaser Tuesday - Chaos Unleashed

2010-11-09T18:56:00.000+08:00

This is a conversation between my FMC Chaos, and the 'Intern' with her team, Probie.

“Where was victim two found?”

“She was bound to one of those giant statues you see around.”

“Do I want to know what statue?”

“Some statue of a soldier on a chariot pulled by horses. The poor girl was found with legs stretched out tied to the horses leg and a chariot wheel. Her arms bound to the horse's mane and the soldiers neck”

“Hung?”

“Yep, the rope attached to the soldier’s outstretched arm.”

“And this statue?”

“In the middle of a busy shopping centre. How he got in, evaded cameras, carrying a girl, strung her up and left without getting caught I have no idea. Crazy he may be but you have to admit he is good.”

“You sound like you respect him.”

“In some aspects I do. The guy has skills. He’s a bloody good assassin. Shame he’s killing civilians and putting us all at risk. Stupid media.”

“So you respect him but you don’t respect what he’s doing?”

“Fuck no. The guy is a chauvinistic, jerktastic ass with stalker and sexual harassment tendencies. I want him dead with every fibre of my being. The very fact that he is a good assassin makes him a bad person.”

“Would you not describe yourself as a good assassin?”

“Oh I am damn good at what I do, and I have no illusions. I am not a good person, do not presume to think otherwise.”

NaNoWriMo milestone 1

2010-11-07T09:04:00.000+08:00

Yes!!! I passed 10,000 words, kinda feels like a milestone! Next up 20,000! :D Although I do think when nano is over and i'm editing i'm going to have axe half my plot and rewrite the whole thing. I can already tell that pacing is a problem. Oh well gotta keep writing!

Updates

2010-11-04T23:26:00.000+08:00

Hey guys, sorry I've been so slack with updating this. But with NaNoWriMo and studying for exams, and work, it's kind of slipped my mind. My bad. Forgive me?
Nano's going well, I tried to add a little widget that let you guys see my wordcount except I couldn't figure it out, it kept saying 0 which made me sad :P Still trying to give my male lead a name I like. Maybe you guys can help. meet Homicide Detective _______, he's tall and manly, with blue expressive eyes, spiky dark hair, buff and sexy. He's strong and brave, unerringly observant, and fiercely protective. He desperately needs a good name!!

Studying...well it sucks. It's hard to concentrate and if i wanted to read this stuff id've gone to my lectures. As it is I can do well enough to pass the multiple choice its the short answer i worry about. I dont know anything in enough depth for it. :(

Work. So I may have gotten a new job, not sure yet. But hopefully I'll get enough hours to quit KFC, I want the permanent casual job, so that if i do quit I have a job after Christmas. So here's hoping I get it. Otherwise I'll have to see if I can convince Michelle to let me stop working at KFC then come back around march...

The Na's....Nano and Nablo

2010-10-31T21:49:00.000+08:00

Out with the old and in with the new....

So This will be my final post for NaBloWriMo. Yay! I have successfully blogged everyday ^_^ admittedly most were crappy filler blogs because i actually am not that interesting and really have nothing to talk about, but still, go me!! So this is me, over and out.

NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow! Eeek! I'm feeling very unprepared, my idea was thought of months ago and hasn't been considered since, i haven't written anything in over a month and frankly I think i might be over my head. But regardless I'm going to do it. Even if it's crap, which it probably will be, I will have that winner badge! I will!!! So since I'm gunna be focusing most of my energy on winning Nano and not failing my exams I won't be blogging much. Though I will blog at least once a week so check back :D

Case you didn't notice the pumpkin for NaBlo has officailly been replaced with the sticker for Nano. My background on my laptop has changed to this and I'm officially 'prepared' :P

Things I love about Christmas

2010-10-30T18:32:00.000+08:00

Wrapping paper. So i'm a child at heart, I love wrapping things, unwrapping things, picking which wrapping paper to use....there are so many different types!

Christmas parties. Christmas gives us a reason to have more gatherings, and who doesn't love hanging out with friends?!

Giving presents that people love. When you give someone something that makes their face light up with joy, and you can see that they love it...awesome feeling.

Christmas decorations. Whilst admittedly the shops bring them out waaaay too early i cant help but love all the tinsel and baubles, all the pretty lights. And at home when people go into the effort to cover their homes in lights and have Santa's on their lawns. Amazing :D

Christmas trees. With piles of presents underneath, and little lights wrapped around. With branches laden with baubles and tinsel, little chocolates hanging underneath. A childish pleasure but one that should never be underestimated.

Things I hate about Christmas

2010-10-29T21:00:00.000+08:00

Christmas carols= annoying jingles that get STUCK in you're head for days at a time

Present Shopping. Buying books for other people...i hate it. i know what I like but what about what they like? Then there's the awful question of what if they don't like the authors I adore? For example I love sherrilyn Kenyon's series, so I recommended them to friends but then I get concerned, it confuses me when people don't love the authors the same way I do. I mean I get that people have different opinions but it sucks when people don't love things the way i do, stupid differing opinons :(

And if you don't buy them books what do you get them? It's so hard to be personal/thoughtful/a totally awesome present giver when you are expected to give heaps of people presents. What if you don't know them well enough? And how much should you spend on a casual friend/bestfriend/ family member? What if you have no money. Then there's the horrible what if they spend more than me and i look like a cheapskate? Or what they spend so much less than you did and you feel underappreciated. I know it's about the thought not the cost in theory, but in reality if there's a drastic difference in price between presents it hurts a bit. Stupid I know but true nonetheless.

Family issues. Once my parents divorced Christmas began to suck. My mum and sister would fight all the time. My dad made it clear he didn't care if he saw us on Christmas or not. My Dad and my Mum couldn't talk to each other in order to decide what my sister and i would do. It all sucked, leaving me feel strained and battered, and a tad neglected.

Christmas Cards. People never send them anymore. Why not?! I love getting cards in the post and I send heaps but get 2 at the most :( Send more cards peoples!

Christmas In Australia. It's just not right. Too hot. Too many flys. Not enough snow and roaring fires like it's supposed to be, or used to be in England

Christmas isn't that far away guys, better get thinking about pressie shopping!!!

Life lessons

2010-10-28T18:47:00.000+08:00

If you take one thing from today it should be this... BACK UP. I mean it. All your photos, music, writing, uni work. All of it. Back it up peoples! Because if you, for example drop your laptop, you will lose it all. And a lot of it you can never get back! So back it up, please!

When you lose something you've worked really hard on it can be devastating. So back up frequently to ensure ALL you're work is saved.

This is all.

Things I hate that you probably like...

2010-10-27T19:07:00.000+08:00

So I keep seeing this list around so I figured I'd give it a shot.

* Secret Millionaire - I hate it, but my mum loves it, call me a cynic but I hate all reality tv shows: Biggest Loser, American Idol, X factor, Survivor, Wife swap. Hate em all.

* Medical Dramas - aside from Hawthorne, shows like Grey's anatomy and private practice. Hate them!

*Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart. I hate you both. Kristen you are quite possibly the dullest trailer trash wannabe ever. And Rob, get a life and go shower. Also I DONT care if you're dating! Twilight related crap. Stephanie Meyer had a good plot, yes, but she is a shit writer. All this 'melodrama' over something so full of shit is ridiculous. Get over it tweenies.

* Twitter. It confuses me. And why is the NEWS on TWITTER?! seriously, is it necessary?

* E-books. You've seen my rant so i wont elaborate.

* Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Black Eyed Peas.

* Leggings as pants. Floral designs on clothes. Tshirts worn as dresses. People wearing heels to the shops or uni.

* South Park. Whiny voices, stupid plots. I'd rather have the worlds worst hangover than watch that.

* Random hookups at parties/excessive drinking. makes you look trashy. Plus you throw up everywhere. Get some class ppl, you CAN have fun without being so smashed that you can't walk straight.

Agree or disagree with my list? Anything you want to add?

NaBloWriMo

2010-10-26T22:07:00.000+08:00

Is almost over! Bout 5 days left, and I will have successfully blogged everyday for an entire month! GO me! Just want you guys, my 'loyal' followers who totally haven't been commenting on my posts anything :P to know that come November i won't be posting as much, though teaser tuesday will be reinstated. :D

As for nanowrimo, I'm quite excited though I have no idea what I'll be writing about which terrifies me. I really want to win this, to prove that I can write, and maybe oneday get my work published.
So tell me guys, any of you doing NaNo this year? Whatcha writing about?

Pointless insights

2010-10-25T21:42:00.000+08:00

So i've been staring at a blank screen trying to think of something for todays post. But honestly I have no idea. So instead of a boring post I think I'll just post a few pictures with ideas that mean something to me

I wish someone would say something like this to me. To accept me for who I am, crazy violence and all.

Letters are underrated nowadays. All the focus on getting a letter, checking the post each day and taking the time to consider what to write is forgotten now. An email? It's boring and regular. I just like getting a letter in the post, I'll keep it for far longer than any email. So write me a letter peoples!

Admittedly this means nothing but it's pretty hot. Definitely jealous though! MMmmmm

This was a quiz result i found whilst looking for supernatural pics. I couldn't find the quiz but thought the picture sums me up quite nicely. Admittedly I'd rather do Cas than be him. :P

I hate you but I like your friend...

2010-10-24T21:44:00.000+08:00

In some things...books, movies etc. I simply cannot stand the main character, but the minor characters? My Fav's. I thought I'd share a few with you

Lord Of The Rings. Hate Frodo, love Eomer.

Glee. Hate Rachel, love Brittany and Santana

Lie to me. Prefer Loker to Lightman.

And so on. Why is it these main ones suck so bad? They're either whiny, annoying or simply dicks. And in Rachel's case all three. You just want to punch them or take them down a notch. And the minor characters, whilst smaller parts, are just hilarious, sexy, or have the best parts in the book/movie.

Just me? Or do you prefer characters which, whilst given less screentime, are still way better than the main character?

Fashionably late..

2010-10-23T22:33:00.000+08:00

Fashionably late: "Depending on the type/style of the event fashionably late can also range from 5 minutes (to a dinner date or a small gathering) to 45 minutes-1 hour (21st parties ) This time frame, or 'cushion', allows enough other people to have already arrived so that it is not only the birthday person and their parents in attendance and also conveys the possibility that you have come from a previous engagement" - Urban Dictionary

The whole idea of fashionably late bothers me. As someone who likes to be on time I hate it when other people aren't. 5-10 mins is okay but any longer and i'll start getting cranky. Whether its just for meeting up to go to the movies or going to a party being late bothers me. It's so annoying, the concept of fashionably late, because whoever is organising the party still has to be ready for whatever time they said the party starts even though most people wont turn up for ages. And those people who do get there ontime end up feeling like total losers because noone else is there. And those who organised the party? Still have that residual fear that no one is coming. Or that the party will suck for ages.

So i don't know why I thought of this today. Or why it even ended up as a rant in todays post. but what i do know is that ranting just makes me more annoyed instead of being the cathartic release of pent up aggression :/

My Bad

2010-10-22T19:51:00.000+08:00

You may have noticed the quality of my blog posts getting progressivly worse recently? Well I certainly have.. So I just wanted to take this opportunity to apologize for how crap they are getting. I guess I've been getting bored, I'm blogging everyday so i've kind of been running out of stuff to talk about. Not only am I running out of stuff to talk about but I seem to be running out of time and energy. So my blog has suffered. My bad.

To make up for it I made cookies :D And a fruit crumble. But I ate them :/ Well not all of it :P but still who wants a cookie? :D

Also im having an xmen marathon ^^

Pet Peeves

2010-10-21T22:59:00.000+08:00

Some things that annoy the crap out of me. Love to know which ones you agree with me on...

1. People who don't indicate if they're turning at roundabouts
2. Shops that don't advertise if they have an eftpos limit
3. Mosquito bites
4. Flat soft drinks when you get postmix in restaurants
5. People who use my name when ordering at KFC. It's creepy and makes me wonder if I know you. It can also verge on rude or disrespectful depending on the tone. Same goes for people whistling or yelling to get attention when I'm serving. I am not a fucking dog so will not serve you if you whistle at me!
6. Randoms who sit directly in front of, or beside, in an empty movie theater. Keep your distance unless it's packed, please!
7. Slutty/trashy preteens. Seriously. There's no need to dress like a streetwalker at 13! Put some clothes on and get some fucking class.
8. Journals that sound really helpful to an assignment but don't have fulltext online
9. People who overshare their lovelives via their facebook statuses. If they're in the other room go tell them you love them and their 'skills' rather than posting it via fb! Some things shouldn't be quite so detailed where unwitting friends can read it.
10. Flies. Ants. Basically any kind of bug. I hate them. They're noisy and randomly touch you in the night making your skin crawl and just generally disturb me.

Picture Post

2010-10-20T21:45:00.000+08:00

NaNoWriMo Calenders

2010-10-20T10:49:00.000+08:00

So these are all offered up on the NaNo forums, I really liked a lot of them so here are a few. Sharing is caring right? :P

Love on my mind but not in my heart

2010-10-19T20:08:00.000+08:00

"You know, it's weird how you still love the person, you just stop needing them the way you used to" - Dawson's Creek

There's so much difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I love my friends, they're are great people who always know how to make everything okay or deal with my bitter bitchiness. I tell them I love them all the time because people need to hear that they are valued and cared about...

"
Falling in love. Sharing your life with someone. Giving your heart to another person to the extent that losing them could potentially destroy you. It's such a crazy thing to do"

...But being in love? A completely foreign experience to me. The idea of letting someone into my heart, loving completely and trusting someone with my heart? Scary as hell. What's scarier though is the idea that I might never be in love. I think the idea of being 'in love' is tossed around far too much these days, said far too easily and lacks meaning. Being 'in love' means far more to me than it appears, its too meaningless now. :(

" I'm scared that I'm always going to be somebody's friend, or brother, or confidante, but never quite somebody's everything." - This I feel sums me up quite well.

So to all my friends out there, I love you guys. And to any guy whom I might give my heart to, be patient, I will only say i'm in love if I'm certain I am.

Mozzie Bites..

2010-10-18T21:28:00.000+08:00

1.Bloody itch!!!
2. Always seem to come in groups. They cluster like they feel the need to feed next to each other...kinda like girls going to the bathroom together
3. Always look so ugly, Giant raised redness or weird scabby lumps if you scratch too hard
4. Itch constantly!
5. Always seem to be in awkward places...ankles, waistband region, upper thigh...
6. Annoy the hell out of me.
7. No, seriously, I wish I could exterminate the lot
8. Although that would probably be bad for the ecosystem...
9. But theyre just so itchy that I cant stand them.
10. The worst kind of bites. ;)

Inspiration

2010-10-17T17:40:00.000+08:00

Some people inspire me more than others.

1. My friends...this is a given, but my friends give me the confidence to write, provoke new thoughts and ideas and encourage me to be myself. This comes through in my writing

2. Authors like Sherrilyn Kenyon and Larissa Ione, they inspire me to try to improve my writing. To be more like them but in my own way...

3. Supernatural. Shows like this inspire branching fan fics. Besides who doesnt love Dean and Cas?

4. My dreams. Weird i know, but my dreams are so random and vivid and i'd like to incorporate them more into my work. A small aspect of cabin fever came from a dream...

5. Weirdly enough, not my family. In fact they tend to unwittingly crush any inspired thoughts, they dont care about my writing, and i could never show it them because of what i write.

so who inspires you?

Reclaiming my space.

2010-10-16T18:20:00.000+08:00

Now I have a pretty small, rather weirdly shaped office. Having got my laptop I rarely use it anymore though. I am thinking that when i get back from my trip and have built my savings back up I might redo it. So this blog is basically me detailing my ideal space as a follow on from my previous post.

Chuck my current desk and buy a nice heavy desk. Im thinking this one from ikea which would give me space for my computer, hide all the cables, and give me storage space. if i put boxes in the squares then i can hide/store stuff.

THat would be pressed up against the wall with the window. lining the other walls would be my bookcases. I wouldnt need space for cupboards due to the storage space in the desk so in the free space I could either get a squishy chair/beanbag/ pile of cushions. Or i could just keep the space free.

I would also get a new chair suitable for writing for long periods and comfy enough for watching tv in. Im thinking something like these...

But chairs are really something u gotta sit in to test out. I'd also want some new lamps, maybe new curtainy things, lights above my bookcases and just generally soften the room up.

So whatcha think?

Writing Needs

2010-10-15T14:15:00.000+08:00

NaBloWriMo Writing prompt:

Describe your ideal writing setting. Now--tell us if that's where you do your writing. In other words, does your current office/nook/den/whathaveyou meet the needs you have as a writer?

Ideal Setting: My ideal setting is hard i guess as I haven't really explored writing in other places. I think i would like a decent solid desk low enough to rest my wrists on but high enough to fit my legs under. A big squishy chair with arm rests and a supportive backrest. A space with enough light to see the keys but not too much to make the screen reflect. I would love a dark, comfortable office where I'm surrounded by books I love and can sit either comfortably in the chair or maybe, for when I'm feeling like a break, on a small sofa or pile of cushions.

What I have: I tend to write on my laptop in my bedroom. Lying flat across my bed or with the lappy on my lap. Both these positions suck, in the former my wrists and back/shoulders ache after a while. In the latter my lappy gets hot, or my arms are too close to my body to type easily. Even now i'm typing this sprawled across my bed despite the fact I have an office. I rarely use it though because my desk is crappy and my chair, whilst great for watching tv, is simply too squishy and big to comfortably type. I'm intending sometime next year after my trip away to start saving up for a new desk and chair so I can redo my office into a haven.

Oh Castiel how I have missed thee...

2010-10-14T15:24:00.000+08:00

I Love Supernatural.

You're welcome....

Procrastination.

2010-10-13T16:32:00.000+08:00

Now first of all let me just celebrate getting 15 followers, this may not be much to anyone else but it's pretty great to me. So thanks guys.
So there are various methods I like to use when I have an assignment looming or a task that specifically requires my attention that i really dont want to do. Here's a few of them...
1. Well to be honest this would be one of them. I'm really meant to have start work on my journal for human rights tonight but i'm procrastinating by blogging about procrastination.
2. Procrastibake. If I'm home alone procrastibaking is most often the thing ill turn too. Cookies, crumbles and those rice crispy things are my most popular choices.
3. Procrastibate. This is fairly self explanatory... Stress tends to arouse all aspects of my mind :P
4. Procrastiwatch. Basically i just watch tv. Reruns, entire seasons, its all fair game when theres something i have to do.
5. Facebooking. This is a classic unfortunatly. Though not much of a successful timewaster.
6. Reading
7. looking up pictures on sites like xanga for use as display pictures or backgrounds.

I dont tend to write as a form of procrastination. It almost seems disrespectful.
So do you guys have another methods of procrastination? Think I'm weird? Sound off in the comments :D

Bored.

2010-10-12T15:16:00.000+08:00

So I've been feeling a little high strung lately, excessively emotional which is unusual for me, I'm usually kinda of emotionless. I'm not 100% certain whats wrong, i usually operate better under stress than normal situations, but I think there might be too much stress right now. trying to keep all these secrets and help everyone out and do my assignments and live my life. And it all just keeps crashing down on me.

I think i've figured out why its all affecting me so much. I'm bored. All the time. I'm so sick of being alone and so bored of just doing the same things day after day. i miss excitement, and fun. There's just something so wrong with feeling alone. I'm used to being alone and normally it doesn't affect me, i rarely feel lonely. it's just there are times when everything is too much and all you want to do is crawl into someones arms, have them wipe away your tears and tell you that everything will be okay because you have them. But alas, it's times like these when it really hits you just how alone you are. There is noone to hold you. Noone to brush the tears off your cheeks. No one who can drive over to your house to tell you everythings okay even though its 2am. You are alone. And it sucks.

But my point is its the boredom that gives me the time to think about these things. Simply too much is going on in my head because there is too much time where i'm just thinking. Maybe I need to get out more...

And they all lived happily ever after...

2010-10-11T20:50:00.000+08:00

So today I finished my 'emergency' book. Its basically a book i always keep in the car for the times that i ditch uni and go hang out somewhere and read. It was yet another harlequin one, my emergency is always a harlequin one, dunno why. But anyway I finally managed to finish it. And once again it kinda made me angry. here's why:
1) The ending was too easy. After all the build up and the dramatic 'do they love each other'-ness, all the 'can they deal with their issues to fall for each other' tension. Then it just ended so fast with him deciding that revenge wasnt important anymore and her deciding that she loved him more than her career or her dad. and suddenly badabing badaboom they were deciding to get married and have babies. completely disregarding the fact he didnt want kids or anything. Romance endings are just TOO easy.
2) Too fast. Once again the story spanned about 2 weeks. In two weeks they met, they fought, they fell madly in lust, they had sex and decided they loved each other and wanted a future together. In real life relationships that are this intense this fast are doomed to die. And seriously what self-respecting girl wants to marry a guy you've only known 2 weeks?!
3) Blaze harlequins are the only ones I like. Simply because without the sex the rest are just lame.

Now don't get me wrong I love romance stories, but sometimes I think they portray something that simply diesn't exist. makes a girl feel that if she isn't caught up in a whirlwind romance with a proposal after 2 weeks then the relationship isnt going anywhere. The plots are too typical with no real twists. You know exactly how it will end after 2 pages, its sad and predictable. Predictable =boring

10 days in and i'm on a roll...

2010-10-10T16:18:00.000+08:00

So it's ten days into NaBloWriMo and I've blogged everyday :D Yay. Kinda not feeling like posting anything meaningful right now so I may or may not come back later. Either way this totally counts towards todays blog.

New shows I'm Loving Right Now

2010-10-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

So I honestly have no idea what i'm going to blog about today. So i might just mention a few of my new favourite shows
1. Hawaii Five-O.

Now with the seriously sexy Alex O' Loughlin as a main character i know i was going to love this remake of the classic Tv show. But its actually really good. Fast action with deep emotional connections and one helluva cast this skyrocketed up my top fav TV show list after the FIRST episode. That should demonstrate exactly how great this show is.

2. Nikita.

An ex-assassin trying to take down the rogue government agency that trained her, Nikita is a fierce fighter and has a rather interesting chemistry with Michael played by Shane West (from A Walk to Remember). Now this is another remake but i think of movie, not sure but who cares? With the help of a pretty girl with a troubled past Nikita attempts to undermine Division at any cost. I like it. :)

3.No ordinary Family

A family who after a plane crash on a family trip develop superpowers and try to cope with old family issues and new ability issues. Each person in the family has their own problems to deal with, Dad think he isn't needed, Mum has too little time to be a part of family life, the kid with a learning disorder thinks he's stupid, and the girl just wants to fit in. All off this is brought sharply into focus with the inclusion of new abilities and crime solving. Its a sweet look into a family dynamic and I think it's only going to get better.

4. Hellcats

Directed by Tom Welling, this look into a law student who tries to stay in school by getting a cheer leading scholarship. It's funny and fresh with some really school moves and basically follows the cheerleaders as they try to maintain their funding + keep their scholarships by placing at some competition, whilst also struggling with infighting, family dysfunction, hectic schedules and love life drama. I really like it because its how the new girl joins the team and struggles to be accepted whilst remaining who she is and the pitfalls and rises that come with it.

5. Undercovers

Now I've only seen one ep of this, but I liked it and will be watching more. From what i gather two ex spies married and left the biz, instead opening a catering place. When an old mutual friend goes missing they're both called back to 'serve their country' (ugh how american) They have to deal with their past coming back to bite them as well as maintaining their marriage and completing missions. There also seems to be some kind of conspiracy.

Wild child

2010-10-08T21:09:00.000+08:00

"Every girl goes through a wild child phase, good girls are the worst" - Beckett (Castle)
This random quote from Kate Beckett on Castle prompted me thinking and thus todays post.
Now i would class myself as a good girl. I rarely drink, I'm not promiscuous, I'm generally well behaved. Okay so sometimes i can be a bitch but anyways the point is I would class myself as a good girl. i've been trying to think back and i don't think i've ever had a wildchild phase. I think i'm too self conscious to fully let go and go wild and that bothers me. I kinda wish I'd had a wildchild phase so i could've experience life more fully but alas, I didn't.

Is it too late to embrace my inner wildchild? I watched easy A today and in the beginning she had so much fun acting like a slut without actually being one. Am I too, i dunno chicken; reserved; scared; lazy; pick your own adjective. Can i go through a wildchild phase now? Should I? Is it really possible for me to change who I am? but would it be more fun? Or not worth it?

God. Stupid considerations. i don't know why i bother thinking about this because i think we all know i'm never going to change. It's too difficult and i hate being out of my element. Sometimes I wish I was more like my sister...Sometimes I'm glad i'm not

Shag, Marry, or Kill: the TV edition

2010-10-07T22:53:00.000+08:00

A lot of TV shows have teams, groups or partners that are basically the main characters. So since I'm procrastinating I'm gunna pick a few and play a little game with myself, I'm sure you all know the game SMK. basically you're given three names and you have to say which you'd shag, which you'd marry, and which you'd kill. I'll put an S, M, or K, in brackets next to whichever person I'd do the action to.

1. Psych. Shawn (S) and Gus (K)
2. White Collar. Neal (M), Peter (S), Moz (K)
3. Angel. Angel, Spike (S), Gunn (K), Doyle (M), Wesley
4. Hawaii Five-O. Steve (M), Danno (S), Chin (K)
5. Haven. Nathan (M), Duke (S)
6. CSI Miami. Eric Delko (K), Ryan Wolfe (S), Jesse Cardoza (M)
7. NCIS. Gibbs(K), Tony (M), McGee (S)
8. The Mentalist. Patrick Jayne (S), Wayne Rigsby (M), Kimball Cho (K)
9. Smallville. Clark (M), Oliver (S), Lex (K)
10. NCIS LA. Eric (M), Callen (K), Nate (S)

So you agree? or think I have issues and need therapy? Pick different people? Sound off in the comments below!

Movies I cant live without (3)

2010-10-06T18:09:00.000+08:00

So in case you didn't notice I added something new to my blogs, a reaction bar, basically just click on it to say whether or not you think im full of shit or actually made some good points. Should help me figure out if i'm making sense :P Now to todays post...

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
Starring Dennis Quaid, jake Gyllenhaal, and Emmy Rossum
Sudden weather changes disrupt the world as we know it as the Earth is plunged into a new Ice age. A climatologist tries desperately to reach his son in New York.

Why I like it:
1) Well despite a period where i strongly avoided this movie (please don't ask) I've always loved it. It's my go to movie when I'm studying, I've seen it so many times I practically know all the words. Why? Who knows. Its uplifting and great to see other freeze whilst you're warmly in bed (not that i'm a horrible person). I've seen it so many times i can lose focus and still no what's going on.

2) Jake Gyllenhaal's performance. Well not only is he awesome and totally hot but he was cute in a young almost looks the age he's supposed to be way. Plus the moment where his friend is stating how much of a nerd he is and jake is asleepish he half smiles is so cute. Positively dreamy :) Plus he gets shirtless :P And it's cute to see him all jealous and love-struck

3)The semi happy ending depsite the death of millions tugs at the heartstrings and is so uplifting despite the political role reversal aspects of the final scene. I wont give away too much here.

4) The special effects are brilliant. It actually looks like a wall of water rushing towards NYC and it actually looks like people are being swept up. Brilliant if i do say so myself.

5) Love triangle. Whilst it's easily resolved once disaster strikes I actually really like the way she has no idea about jake's characters' feelings for her. How she completely misses the jealousy but his other friend just thinks it hilarious that his competition is richer and more attractive than him. Its a really funny scene in the school's cafeteria.

So I really recommend this movie, I'm gunna give it 4.5 stars out of 5!

Six Cartoon Characters I'd Totally Make Out With...

2010-10-05T18:04:00.000+08:00

I saw this on a few other sites so I decided to do my version. So here it is:

1. Howl from Howl's moving Castle.
He just so beautiful and i love how easily he sinks into that pit of despair. "I see no point in living if I can't be beautiful". Besides he has a sexy voice. It's definitely the voice though, otherwise he'd be too girly looking, but the deep sexiness of Christian bale's voice heads straight to the naughty places in my mind.

2. Danny Phantom, from Danny Phantom
I used to have a major crush on this guy and i have no idea why. I like his badassness when he's in his alternate form with the weird silver hair, plus his green eyes are awesome. but he's totally adorable in his normal form, dark hair, blue eyes, totally weird but great friends. He was cute.

3. Prince Eric from the Little mermaid
Dreamy blue eyes, dark wavy hair, tanned skin and chiseled features. Not to mention the muscles of a man who works for a living despite the fact that, being a prince, he doesnt have to. Besides who doesn't love a man who adores his giant fluffy dog and besides, the man can dance!

4. Ron Stoppable from Kim Possible

There was something about his dorky fun loving nature and sheer sidekickness that made him so appealing. Even though was constantly seen as the sidekick he actually had some skills of his own, some weird monkey fists thing. He was funny and upbeat despite the fact he couldn't get other girls to give him the time of day. besides he was voiced by a guy who was one of my fav characters (Eric) in Boy Meets World and I've always liked his voice.

5. Tarzan. Because, seriously, who wouldn't go there?! Mm chiseled features, floppy hair, ripped abs. The ability to swing from vines and talk to animals. I'd so go there!

6. Since I couldn't really pick i have a few characters from Xmen Evolution

Gambit...the badass Cajun with a cool power and a sexy accent

Angel, because he's a hot dude with wings

Avalanche, because he's absolutely adorable when pining over Shadowcat yet still has the swagger of a guy who thinks he's the man. besides he's actually a pretty nice guy despite the fact he's a member of the brotherhood.

Cyclops, just coz he's the 'cool' guy of the gang and who honestly doesn't want to make out with the cool guy at least once in their lives.

So I saw this and figured I'd do it...

2010-10-05T15:32:00.000+08:00

1. If you could have a superpower, what would you have? Why?
Telekinesis. Because I'm super lazy so moving stuff with my mind would be pretty awesome, i wouldn't have to get up to change the DVD, sweeeeet.

2. Who is your style icon?
I don't have one.

3. What is your favorite quote?
What a person shows to the world is only one tiny facet of the iceberg hidden from sight. And more often or not, it's lined with cracks and scars that go all the way to the foundation of their soul - Sherrilyn Kenyon

4. What is the best compliment you've ever received?
You are a Goddess.

5. What playlist/cd is on your ipod/cd player right now?I'm developing a travlling playlist but atm mine would be songs like leann rimes, shakira, eminem, and kesha. really random songs that i love singing too.

6. Are you a night owl or a morning person?
Night owl. I love staying up late but at home, going out super late makes me feel guilty, like i should be in bed. I love sleeping and waking up late.

7. Do you prefer dogs or cats?Dogs. They're so friendly and cute and don't scratch when you pick them up.

8. What is the meaning behind your blog name?
Ink Poisoning is because I am a writer. Its the way books and writing influences me so much that ink flows through my veins, and I thought it sounded cool. The quote is one that seemed appropriate. You know much more quickly whether you have common interests if you read similar books.

9. What is one thing you like but am embarrassed to admit to?
Okay so this one I added myself. I like Dawsons Creek. I know it's terrible 90's but I've just started the second season and I love it. So cute and sweet and deals with issues that everynow and again actually affect my life. The current episode is along the lines of "we kissed, now what?" The awkward first date/second kiss scenario. And it's really quite funny. So shoot me.

Movies I can't live without (2)

2010-10-04T14:38:00.000+08:00

Toy Soldiers (1991)
When terrorists sieze control of a boarding school, a group of trouble-making boys decide to resist them. Stars Sean Astin, Will Wheaton, and a whole load of other people :P

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi704577817/ <-- watch the trailer.

Now the first time I saw this movie was one of those random on TV things where you just change channels and a movie is on, being bored you watch it. Years later and it stuck with me enough that i googled the plot until I found the name of the movie then instantly bought it. It's been one of my favorite movies ever since. I'm not sure why it's stuck with me so much but I think it's something to do with the way the boys fought back, maintained their youthful rebellion and refused to let the terrorists break their spirits. Besides their teenage pranks are quite funny, in one scene after being punished by a teacher the group of friends move every piece of the Dean's furniture outside. The Dean and the teacher have a conversation in front of the boys where theyre basically trying not to laugh/. I always smile during that scene. ALWAYS.

I know it's an old movie but it's pretty awesome. Besides I've always kind of thought a young Will Wheaton was pretty cute...

Handy Dandy skills for the modern single gal.

2010-10-03T17:49:00.000+08:00

Today's post is going to be more along the lines of a list. There are some things that I would love to be able to do. They might be generally useless but I would still love to have the knowhow. Whether to incorporate it into a novel or simply turn it into a party trick these would be so fun or interesting to know.

1. Pick a lock
2. Pick someone's pocket
3.Get into, and hot-wire, a car
4. Know sign language
5. Read someone's mind...mentalist style.
6. Make gravy. I can't help it, aside from IKEA gravy I simply suck at it!!!
7. Fly a plane
8. Hack into anyone's computer
9. Write a novel in under a month or two.
10. Interrogate as effectively as Brenda from The Closer...she's so good at it (yes I know it's a TV show)
So I'm starting to sense a theme here....Being a cat burglar would be pretty awesome though...Hmm maybe I shouldn't be trusted. :/

Movies I can't live without (1)

2010-10-02T15:56:00.000+08:00

There are a few movies that I really love. The ones that I watch when I'm studying or need cheering up. The ones that i seek out when I'm bored or sad. The next few posts I'm going to talk about a few of them to give you a glimpse into the twisted nuttiness that is me.

Today...Four Brothers

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0430105/
Four Brothers (2005) is the story of four fuckups brought together by one woman. After she is murdered they return home to find their mum's killer and tear up the streets of Detroit trying to find out why the sweet old lady was killed. Its the tale of four brothers struggling desperately to understand the hand they've been dealt and struggling through life with a fierce 'fuck-em-all" attitude. Stars Mark Wahlberg, Tyrese Gibson, Garrett Hedlund, and Andre Benjamin.

Why I love it:
1) Garrett hedlund's performance. As the youngest of the brothers the others rip on him a lot. He hides a brutal past. Adopted by Evelyn because his family hurt him he struggles to deal with the loss of the one woman he trusted to protect him. One of the early scenes where he's playing his guitar after clearly crying...so sexy, his voice becomes so deep. You just want to hug him. Not to mention the scene where he steps out of the shower to treat you to a nice glimpse of his butt. Very sexy...if only he'd turn around before putting the towel around him. And ***SPOILER**** When he gets shot...incredible. You suffer with him and feel his fear and pain as he tries desperately to hold on. One of the best d***h scenes I've ever seen.

2) It's funny. For a action/ drama movie it has some seriously amusing scenes. There's one where the brothers are talking and bobby is just sitting on the loo the entire time. It's quite funny.... "Just wait for me to wipe my ass Angel I'm coming with you!"Love it.

3)The way the brothers are willing to do anything to find out who killed their mother. To put everything on the line, fighting crooked cops, politicians, gangsters...all to have the chance to go up against the man running the local mob. It's so...heart wrenching.

4)The acting. it's bloody awesome. Unless some recent movies *cough* twilight *cough* the acting is actually good. The characters feel believable. You feel like you know them and understand their motivations. The actors are unbelievably good at their jobs we believe their body language, their language, their clothes. Everything fits our perception of the characters and their brutal lives.

5) I can't say this enough... Garrett Hedlund! That boy is fiine! MmmHHmMMmm

Keep an eye out for the next few posts...Serenity. The Day After Tomorrow. Harry Potter. Toy Soldiers.

Exhausted. But hey i had fun right?

2010-10-02T09:58:00.000+08:00

So last night I went out, and kind of got roped into drinking despite the fact I was driving...but dont worry I made sure I sobered up before I drove home). So now I've slept very badly and for a teeny weeny bit of time. I feel like crap, my head hurts and i've got that i'm hungry but feel sick...the tail end of a hangover feeling. But i'm not actually hungover. Not fair. really want to call in sick but I feel so bad about it that you know I'm going to end up going in working for a couple of hours then asking to go home. Maybe. If I can work up the guts. It's kinda of weird how chicken I can be sometimes.

But still, despite how late I got home, I actually had a really good time last night. I can't believe I'd forgotten how much fun Ride The Bus is, although not the new rules version :/

And yes this blog is pretty much just me whining. there really is no point to it except to be an actual post for Nanoblowrimo...

Also this guy is pretty cool, check out his blog...he has a free giveaway if that makes it more appealing...
http://seeingdreamingwriting.blogspot.com/2010/10/100-follower-giveaway.html

NaBloWriMo

2010-09-30T22:46:00.000+08:00

So I've decided to participate in this, despite have 5 major assignments due in the next 3 weeks. Basically the idea is to blog every day for the month of October. It doesn't matter what you write, so long as you actually write something. See the little pumpkin down the bottom of the page? yeah that's how you know I'm doing this...

I'm hoping it will be good practice for November's nano (the write 50 000 words in a month) so I'll probably be posting about story ideas and characters...so I would really appreciate any input on whatever I post.

So give me a chance and i hope I'll keep things interesting for you...

Teaser Tuesday - Cabin Fever

2010-09-28T21:14:00.001+08:00

This was ridiculous. Cassie had to do something to break this weird tension between the two of them. Dancing around each other was simply too stressful for the both of them. Since he clearly wasn’t brave enough to make the first move Cassie would clearly have to do it. Cassie waited until Parker exited his predictable secret hideaway to jump him. Finally she’d have him right where she wanted him.

One hard shove to his shoulders pushed Parker back onto the sofa. Cassie immediately straddled his thighs pinning him to the couch with her body. Cassie knew Parker wouldn’t risk hurting her so frustrated and a teensy bit power mad she pinned his arms above his head.

“What the hell?”

“You, Buster, are going to listen to me.”

“Buster?”

“You’re being an ass.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You’re dodging me. Acting all weird. It was just one kiss. Either get over it or kiss me again.”

“Get over it?”

“Do you have to get it out your system or something? Will sleeping with me help? I’ll take one for the team if I have to because you need to get your head on right! You’re putting us both in danger this way!”

“Take one for the team?!” Parker was angry. Alternating between insulted and excruciatingly horny, provoked by the way her thighs rubbed his and her offer to give herself to him, was not a comfortable place to be. Gripping her thighs tightly he lifted her, turning until she was lying crushed against the couch and he was pressing on top of her, lying between her thighs.

“You want me Cassandra. Don’t pretend this would be a hardship for you. You want me.” Proving his point he rubbed his hard length against her core eliciting a breathy moan from the girl beneath him.

“I want you.”

“Tough.”

“What?”

“You heard me Cassie. I’m not denying the attraction between us but this won’t happen. You hear me. We are not going there.”

“What? Not good enough for you?”

“You know that’s not it.”

“Do I? You kiss me then run off like you’re repulsed. You avoid me like the plague. And now you’re refusing to sleep with me? You’re clearly not gay so what is it?”

“Look Cassie, I like you. I really do, but this is a job. I don’t mix business with pleasure. It’s against the rules.” Her fire was seriously sexy, usually, when it was turned against him it kind of felt like she was scorching his chest. Intimidating as hell.

“Rules? Rules!” Incensed Cassie began punching his chest using the moves he taught her. Giving up she pushed him off the sofa and marched from the room.

Ugh! He was infuriating! Why he kept denying himself was beyond reason. A hedonistic see-want-get type of girl Cassie couldn’t see the virtues of self denial. They were trapped in this cabin together, two relatively attractive people with some serious chemistry, what did he think was going to happen? Before she returned home Cassie would seduce the hell out of him. Simple as that. That boy would be hers before the week was up.

Music is life.

2010-09-26T19:10:00.000+08:00

Music is life. Well no, it's not. But it's pretty damn awesome regardless. It fills in those awkward silences when you have nothing to say. It gives you a reason to move around or be quiet at parties. Hell it even gives you an excuse to get away from that creepy guy who's getting a tad too close...yeah you know the one I'm talking about. You just know when he starts getting a little too close that you can easily extricate yourself from his greasy grasp with a simple "Omg I love this song!" *dances* or "OMG I HATE this song, I've GOT to go change it" *flees*. Ahh music, you've saved us again.

And when you're trapped at work, doing the same thing day after day, stuck a little monotonous rut, then music barges in and takes your mind away on a little adventure. After all it's not like you can look away from your task to read for example, so music gives you something to think about as you quietly sing to yourself. Now I hadn't realized exactly how boring it can be without music at work. Our piece of crap CD player has finally decided to die, so for the past 2 weeks or so we've had no music at all. It's so boring! I find myself humming random songs over and over and over until someone mentions a different tune which then proceeds to stick its tiny little claws into my brain before another song barges it out of the way. Frustration and anger issues abound when there is no music!

Now finally we come to the issue that initiated this posting. Playlists.
Now I'm a kind of 'jam every song you like onto one list' kind of girl but I'm trying to make a holiday playlist for my trip to America next year. Or at least start developing the bare bones of it. Now my issue is, do I simply take songs about the places in going? As in songs with New York in the title? Or do I just have a few of those and then pad out the rest of the playlists with songs I love? Deciding what songs to pick is so damn hard, but I cant just download them all so I have to pick by name or googling the lyrics to see if it sounds cool. But that makes me worry, what if I miss out on some awesome songs because they had a name I passed over? Ugh decision making sucks.

So do you agree that music is awesome? And can you recommend any songs for my playlist?

Writing Wednesday

2010-09-22T19:32:00.000+08:00

So I found this site that gives you writing prompts. So each Wedsnesday I'm going to try to do one of them...Here's todays...
One day you wake up to find your dog/cat waiting for you at the side of your bed, sitting on your briefcase. Cocking its head, it tells you, in perfect English, that you won’t be going to work today. Why won’t your pet let you go to work, and what happens?

Pale light filters through the curtains landing painfully on shuttered lids. Cracking open the heavy lids, squinting against the light, I groan and roll away from the torturous rays that awoke me. As the last remnants of sleep left my bleary gaze I reached for the alarm to prevent it from snapping me alert with each cruel high pitched wail. Recognition tickled the back of my mind; I'm not alone. My hand smacked against the bedside table as I gasped, Oliver, my adorably dim-witted Labradoodle sat atop my leather briefcase, his tongue lolling out his mouth as he cocked his head.
"Ollie? How'd you get in here boy? Go on, out. Out."
"What do you mean out? Why do you never listen to me?!"
Surely I must still be dreaming. A dog shouldn't talk, especially not English. This had to be a dream. Dogs don't talk, not in this world. Rubbing my eyes I reached out touching his fur. Well he appeared real enough. Ollie sighed, a long suffering sound that didn't quite sound right coming from my dog.
"Yes Christina, I'm real."
"You can't be. Dogs don't talk."
"We talk all the time, you humans are too self absorbed to listen."
"I'm going crazy."
"You are not crazy. Now listen to me. You can't go to work today. Not today."
"Why not?"
"I'm guessing because I said so wouldn't work?"
"If I'm going to take the day off because my dog told me to i need a better reason Ollie. Why shouldn't I go?"
"I have no idea okay. Listen. You hear those barks? Dogs across Perth feel something is wrong today. Please. Listen to me."
After a quick internal debate I decided to stay home. Either I'd be safe or i was crazy and needed to rest. Acting like Dr Dolittle seemed like a good enough reason to play hookey, It's not like I loved my job anyway. I summoned up my best I'm-so-sick-I-can't-come-in voice and dialed my manager's number and informed his voice mail that I was too busy throwing up to come in.
"Okay Ollie. Done. Now what's going on?"
"I don't know."
Frustrated I yanked the blanket over my head and went back to sleep. Two hours later I was rudely awoken my my housemate's scream. She burst into my room and jumped onto my bed.
"Christina!! You're home! Why are you home? I'm so glad you're home!"
"Woah, what's wrong?"
"They're dead, they're all dead."
'Who?"
"Everyone you work with."
"What?!"
"Your building blew up, bomb, took out the entire block. It's all over the news! I thought you were dead!"
"A bomb? Oh my God. In Perth? Why would anyone blow up my building? Was in terrorism? Who would want to hurt us? Wait, they're all dead? Everyone?"
Sobs bubbled up my body as I thought of everyone I worked with. Sarah, the quiet one with a crush on Aaron the IT guy. Jessica, the bitch with an irrational grudge against me and Peter my gossip queen of a best friend. All gone. Even, Mr Andrews, my sociopathic manager with wandering hands syndrome. He might have been a perve but I didn't want him dead.

All gone. How could they all be gone. Hysterical sobs wracked my ribcage as my housemate's arms held me close to her chest. She rocked me like a child, letting me wail against her shoulder as grief curled around my mind, piercing my heart, punching holes of loss into my chest. My dog had saved my life. But many innocents had died today. And for what? One person's darkness?

Procrastination hour....

2010-09-22T13:36:00.000+08:00

So I just thought I'd share some things i happen to like watching in on the rare occasions when I'm drawn to youtube...

I cant tell you how much I love this video! The Sammy Song (Supernatural)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgycI-jwpp0

You've heard of the mysterious ticking noise? Well here's more from the HP Potter Pals...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_62292&v=oi4zAf3ghBc&feature=iv

I really wish I could draw like these people but I'll guess I'll just have to stick to writing!

I love Josh Thomas! He's so funny! "Get her now while her standards are low! It's like a good investment."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PegNNnokO0I

And finally for all you writers out there, this is great. It's helping me find what words I seriously overuse and compares your text to what out ther to identify things you overuse. It's easy to use and great when editing...
https://www.autocrit.com/autocrit/wizardformpage.php

Teaser Thursday - Soul Bound (adult themes....)

2010-09-21T18:32:00.000+08:00

Wrapping a towel turban-style around my hair and another around my torso I padded softly to the balcony. I stood in full view of the street as the cool Parisian air raised goose bumps on my damp skin. I watched as bright lights lit the dark night, tourists and locals mingling in the timeless mating dance of the lonely hearts. Rooted to the spot I watched a young couple giggle and grope as lust overcame them. Sneaking down an alley their intentions were clear. I contemplated looking away but knew deep inside that I’m not that moralistic.

I watched as his hand moved up her leg, tugging her short skirt even higher. They clung to each other as his hand slid under the material and the expression of sheer pleasure that overcame her was almost intoxicating. Sheltered by the dark balcony I slid a hand underneath the towel, gently massaging my breasts, playing with my nipple until tingles were radiating through my body. Sitting back onto the lone chair I held my towel up with my free hand. The girl had tugged his jeans down his legs and tanned buttocks were clearly visible. He lifted her up so her legs wrapped around his waist and my fingers fluttered down my stomach until they reached the part of me that needed some attention. Sliding a finger along my wet folds I had to hold back a gasp. It’d been too long. As the man in the alley began to move I watched, transfixed. Pumping my fingers inside me, matching the couple’s thrusts was incredibly hot. Here I was, getting off watching others, in the middle of Paris. I moaned quietly as my orgasm hit, biting my lip to keep as quiet as possible.

The couple yanked their clothes back on and walked off holding hands. My grip loosened on my towel as I kept stroking myself lightly. Cool air hardened my nipples to hard points as a loud wolf whistle rent the air.

“If you’re lonely ma Cherie I could keep you company”

Sheer humiliation twinged as I realised that as I’d been watching the couple someone else had been watching me. Yanking my towel tightly around myself I ducked into my room. I couldn’t get off that balcony quick enough.

“Where ya goin’ baby doll? I was enjoyin’ tha view!”

What's the name of the game?

2010-09-21T00:08:00.000+08:00

Now I often find I struggle to come up with a decent name for my characters. A name that embodies everything about them, fits perfectly and sounds just right? Impossible. Well for me at least. If a name doesn't come to me within the first stirrings of an idea then I often use sites for baby names, picking names based on how they sound or what they mean. Occasionally I even look at random name generators. Name Generators can come up with the funniest most random names though, for example behindthename.com came up with Hedwig Shaynah Agrippina Magda, and Abia Silvia Willy Malie.

Even if I can decide on a name I'm so uncertain that I'll often change the name repeatedly as I write it. For example In Cabin Fever my FMC's name had to begin with a 'C', don't ask why, and i decided on calling her Cassandra. Then mid-write I decided to call her Carina instead. Now I'm editing and changed it back to Cassandra because Carina doesn't quite sound right anymore. Am I weird? Or do you guys find it hard to decide on names for your characters?

I think the one name I was truly satisfied with was my male lead for Navigating Life Without Atlas, his name was Bennett Harlan. I liked it because I could get his friends to call him Ben but Maera could call him Harley. Harley just personified everything I wanted him to be. Rough, masculine, and just like the bike...well okay so he happened to have a motorbike as well.... But anyway that's besides the point. Calling him Bennett added depth to his character, admit it, you can practically see the primary school bullying with a name like that. Ans simplifying it to Ben or Harley added the masculine edge he needed. Besides allowing her to have her own pet name meant the relationship was special and when they had their major fight he could get angry at her and tell her not to call him it. Now I'm feeling kind of inspired to keep writing that story... i hate when things stall or get put on the back burner for better projects, don't you?

Well anyway i should probably try and get some sleep...will post a teaser later on tomorrow...any requests?

Procrastibaking...Sharing is caring time.

2010-09-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

So whenever i'm home alone and I have something important to do, or am simply bored, I cook. So I just thought I'd share a few recipes with you every now and then. This current one is one i found recently and have used twice in the past week...Tip though, under cook them and they're so yummy, chewy and sweet...10-12 mins is the best.

Chocolate Chip cookies

125g butter
½ cup brown sugar
1/3 cup caster sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
1 egg
1½ cups self raising flour
¾ cup Milk Chocolate Chips

Method

Preheat oven to 160ºC.
Cream butter and sugars until light and fluffy.
Mix in vanilla essence and egg.
Stir in flour until combined.
Add Milk Chocolate Chips.
Place teaspoons of mixture on greased baking tray and bake in moderate over for 10-15 minutes.

Teaser Thursday - Soul Bound

2010-09-16T13:28:00.000+08:00

[just my favorite conversation from soul bound, names removed to protect identities :P ]

Grabbing my phone from my desk drawer I pressed 2 and waited as the phone rang.

“Talk dirty to me”

“Hey girl, it’s me.”

“Oh yeah baby, you know I like it like that”

“Michael in the room? Why do you have to rib him so much? He’ll get you fired.”

Laughing she reverted back to her normal self, clearly Michael had left the room, probably red from embarrassment. For a police officer he was awfully easy to embarrass.

“He can’t get me fired, besides he probably enjoyed that as much as I did, although I’m betting for a completely different reason.”

“You are so bad.”

“Oh you know you love it. So anyway shugah the oracle is in, speak if you deign to hear the truth.”

“Oracle? Tad high n mighty dontcha think?”

“Hahaha fine. What’s up buttercup? Or are you just going to have a go at me till you feel better?”

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to have a go at you.”

“I’m just teasing, are you okay, you seem...cranky. Are you missing me too much? Coz I’ll be home tonight to keep you company.”

Man I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed my completely bonkers friend. My soul sister in many aspects she always knew exactly how to cheer me up. Although I had no idea what she was thinking sending Jackson my way.

“You. Me. Gossip sesh. Eden. Tonight.”

“Ooo sounds serious. Jackson came over then?”

“Lemme put it this way, you are going to need a lot of wine to stop me from killing you for this. How could you not warn me?!”

“How could you not call me the second he left?! I’ve been waiting for days, frankly I was starting to think he’d chickened out! Anyway, I’ll swing by Chi’s on the way home, you want your usual?”

“Yep. Sounds good. I’ll be home bout 6. You?”

“Shouldn’t be too late, I’ll see your sweet ass then.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. She was completely insane.

“Hey, before you go.”

“Yeah?”

“You think he’ll call?”

“You want my personal or professional opinion?”

“Both?”

“Professionally, he profiled as someone who gets what he wants, and since he almost had an embarrassing ‘man-reaction’ when he saw your photo it would appear he wants you bad. Personally, any man who’s seen my gun knows better than to fuck with me and not calling you would be fucking with me, and he seemed smarter than that. Besides he came off as more gentlemanly than that. ”

My mood completely lifted I smiled at her assessment of him. “Man-reaction?”

“Oh god. If I have to explain that one to you then it really has been too long since you got laid!” she sighed dramatically, you could almost picture her shaking her head in disappointment, “Good thing you have a hottie like Jackson Hunt in your future. Crap! Bossman is here, gotta go!”

Be my Muse?

2010-09-15T15:25:00.000+08:00

Do you seize the day and simply wing it? Or work from an outline? Now generally I wing it, writing simply what comes to mind. However I often worry that I'm forgetting important plot arcs that randomly come to me and my characters can lack depth. If i work from an outline though i feel restricted. Nano is soon and I worry that my idea isn't strong enough. I'm trying to plot out my characters and some plot arcs so i have a rough idea what to write about. I think i'm going to outline but not necessarily follow it, kind of like backup suggestions that can be changed ad my story develops.

Do you write in order...beginning to end? Or write scenes as they come to mind and jump back and forth until the story is complete? I tend to write completely out of order, jumping form one idea to the next, although sometimes i think this makes me lack coherence and depth to my stories. Besides it makes my pace suffer a bit. But writing in order tends to lead to writer's block when I can't figure out how the story should progress. But hey that's just me.

Admittedly I'm only writing this because I'm feeling a bit uninspired, usually i watch supernatural or read or even beg others for motivation. But atm? I'm feeling stuck. Now I wouldn't call it writer's block but I can't figure out how to fix the ending and pace of my cabin fever story, nor figure out my characters or story arcs for chaos unleashed (which will be my nano story). *Sigh* I hate it when my writing stalls...

So how do you write? And what inspires you? Be my muse? :P

Teaser Tuesday - Navigating Life Without Atlas

2010-09-14T16:28:00.000+08:00

Walking into the town’s dingy little pub was always an experience. Thick scents enveloped your skin as you walked through a dense cloud of smoke and beer. Darkness pressed in on you as the men of the town laughed and caroused. Walking to my regular spot I spotted Alyce and slid across the bench opposite her. Her beer was already half empty and the ice in my Diet coke had started to melt.

“I know I’m late. I’m sorry! I got held up at Akeley’s. Did I miss anything?”

Alyce laughed, a rich throaty sound that clearly meant she forgave my tardiness.

“Monsieur Peters tried to buy me a drink.”

I couldn’t help laughing as my gaze flicked to the portly Mr Peters whose infatuation with Alyce was the joke of the town.

“Again? That’s what, eight times now?”

“Nine. Maybe I should let him, He always looks like a puppy when I turn him down.”

“Ahh but if you say yes to a drink he’ll think you’re saying yes to...other things. And would you really want to wake up next to that?!”

“You never know. I like a man who’s shorter than me. Maybe he’s the one.”

“She had to say that as I took a sip. I laughed and swallowed at the same time. Coughing and sputtering, coke sprayed across the table, I tried to breathe only to succumb to the giggles once again. When air finally reached my lungs and I could speak without laughing or choking I looked up again.

“Alyce tell me you’re kidding.” She only looked at me smirking. “You have to be joking! Please dear Gods tell me you’re kidding.” Glancing back to Mr Peters who was now picking his nose I shuddered.

“Tell me you’re kidding or else I’m going to give him your number and tell him you’ve been a very bad girl who needs to be punished.”

She gasped feigning shock “You wouldn’t!”

“Try me!”

We laughed, both taking a long drink before resuming our conversation.

“Oh did I tell you Mrs Allen came in today?”

“Did she buy more?”

“Yep another five books!”

“My God five!!! The amount of ‘romance stories’ that woman reads I’m surprised Mr Allen can walk. She must have quite an encyclopaedia up there.”

“Ahh but maybe she reads them because he doesn’t provide what she wants. A woman her age has needs and I guess that’s one way of satisfying them! Besides who can begrudge her a little lady porn???”

“A woman her age shouldn’t be thinking about sex. She’s 73 thats nasty!”

Hysterical laughter broke out as Mr Allen entered the pub. Glancing at us strangely he simply shuffled to a stool and sat down. He ordered the looked at us again, eyebrows raised in such comic confusion that we couldn’t help laughing again.