Reality vs Romance Novels

This is a draft I wrote ages ago that I just discovered. I hope you find it interesting. If you think of anything i might have missed lemme know :)


1. Shower sex...not as easy as it sounds unless the girl is tiny and the guy is strong enough to pick her up and support her weight. Also issues with slipperiness. However experimentation can result in a few positions that are manageable for a few minutes at a time....

2. Timeframe. RN have these whirlwind romances that would honestly freak me out if it happened in RL, If we fell in mutual love in the space of a few days i would be terrified. Something that burns so hot initially is bound to burn out.

3. Strong hatred turned to love. Yeah right, admittedly some of the most passionate anger can be a disguise for lust but really strong feelings where the person has been badly hurt by the other person cannot be changed, especially in such short spans.

4. Multiple orgasms. The girl is often uptight or reserved in the beginning before being unleashed, turned into a sexfiend. Both partners can orgams repeatedly in a session of sex, everytime. In almost EVERY book this occurs. Frankly there is a large percentage of the female population that can't orgasm, or struggles to multiple.

Bucket List

So I've started making my own bucket list. I intend to finish it and make it look pretty then print it out and mark things off. So far I have 50 things. Here they are:

1.       See a hot air balloon festival and go up in one

2.       Go to wallmart

3.       Learn sign language

4.       Invent a lullaby

5.       Have a massive library with a sliding ladder

6.       Experience zero-gravity

7.       See the Northern Lights

8.       See stonehenge

9.       Travel through Venice on a gondola

10.   Learn sword fighting

11.   Learn how to shoot with lots of different guns

12.   Read every book written by Sherrilyn Kenyon

13.   Make a list of 100 books I want to read and read them all

14.   Collect my favourite books from my childhood

15. Buy every book on my book wishlist

16.   Meet Misha Collins

17.   Meet Matt Bomer

18.   Meet Jenson Ackles

19.   Join the Mile-High Club

20.   Pass on a family heirloom to your child. (We don't have any so I'd have to start my own tradition).

21.   Write a letter to each of your children telling them what you want them to know about your life and the lessons you've learned

22.   Have my own home with a fireplace

23.   Have a four poster bed

24.   Get a book published

25.   See someone reading my book

26.   Donate blood

27.   Own a small bookstore with comfy cushions to sit on.

28.   Write a novel in a month through NaNoWriMo

29.   Try Beignets at Cafe Du Monde

30.   Quit a job I hate

31.   Attend a Murder Mystery Dinner

32.   Have a whirlwind romance in a foreign country

33.   Meet Sherrilyn Kenyon

34.   Go Zorbing in New Zealand.

35.   Starburst

36.   Plant a tree

37.   Ride in a black 1967 Chevy Impala

38.   Watch all 8 Hp’s in a row without stopping

39.   Have a zen garden

40.   Go to a comedy festival in Montreal

41.   Visit Vancouver

42.   Tick everything of my ‘naughty list’

43.   Ride a mechanical bull

44.   Visit all the Disneyland/world’s : Orlando, Paris, Hong Kong, Japan, California, 

45.   Make a candle and keep it burning for someone I love

46.   Knit a quilt

47.   Develop my own herb garden and keep it alive!!!

48.   Take a roadtrip with friends

49.   Snuggle up in the arms of the man I love and watch fireworks

50.   Make a list of 100 things that make me happy and decorate it

If wishes were like flowers I'd like....

- Flowers. Noone's ever given me flowers before.
-Guys to be able to tell what your hints mean.
-People to be more thoughtful with their gift giving, not just relying on something predictable like alcohol as a gift, especially when the receiver barely drinks. For my 18th i got heaps of alcohol. I drank NONE of it, shows how much you know me people :/

-A claddagh ring for my birthday. I used to have one but my sis dropped my tv on it and smooshed it. I'd really love another one so that i could show the world in a teeny tiny way that my heart belongs to another. Plus the whole thing is a sign of friendship, love and loyalty and that seems like such a beautiful thing to me.
- To rediscover lost abilities. Namely baking, but also pool and drawing.
-My sis to have her baby, she's now 5 days overdue and i'm tired of waiting for the news that she's gone into labour!
-Starburst. This might only make sense to a few of my followers but it bothers me greatly that I have yet to achieve this. it seems that those who can don't appreciate or desire it nearly as much as those who cant, it seems to be one of those 'weak know the true value of strength' things (yeah i watched the captain america trailer earlier :P )

Can't touch this

Sometimes a girl just has to rant, so bare with me. I've recently been embroiled in a fight between myself and my boyfriends's mates. A heated debate turned into them attacking me and my friends who weren't even involved ending with me in tears and my bf deciding to not talk to his friends. Unfortunately his assholes of friends have decided that I am the enemy that must be eliminated and are consistently driving a wedge. His mate threatened me, demanded my bf 'sort out his bitch of a gf' and blamed me for absolutely everything, claiming that my guy is a bad friend and stating that 'he hopes he gets shot' when he gets deployed.

I feel like I've ruined a friendship, and am hurting my guy, despite the fact that I was the one attacked and not the attacker. I'm miserable over the situation and feel like a terrible person. Frankly I'm sick of them ganging up on me. So I've decided my attitude needs to change. I don't need them to like me as long as my bf still loves me. I didn't do anything wrong so I don't need to feel guilty. And ya know what, fuck them! Threatening my relationship, my friends, saying that you'll sic a warrant officer on me...makes you a fuckwit. Calling me names like fat slut, vile bitch, and stating that he can 'go and find a REAL woman once he's done' with me makes you a horrible person and a nasty bastard. And I'm not going to let you hurt me anymore. I'm not afraid, you CANT hurt me, and you CANT hurt my relationship unless i let you. And i fucking wont.

Somewhere only we know...

I've always wanted my own place. Some place I go for privacy, or to contemplate my thoughts, or just to read a book. Years ago I read this scene in a Harlequin story where this girl has her spot, it's under a tree on a golf course and she used to watch the guy she liked play golf there. years later she took him to that spot and shared it with him. It was such an intimate thing, sharing her secret place with this one guy, meant so much more than sex or saying I love you, it was real and honest. Ever since I read that Ive wanted my own spot. somewhere to go when the urge hits me. But i've never been able to find it.

Recently I've found myself wanting to discover a place with my guy, something thats ours. Somewhere only we know. Which coincidently is why im loving this song atm...

Somewhere only we know - Keane

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know


So tell me something, am I alone in this? Do you have a private spot to go? Do you want one? Or am I bonkers?

I want...Wednesdays

Everyone wants something. Whether you want a certain book, some time to yourself, or world peace, share what you want with “I Want….” Wednesdays.


I want (well would like, my mother raised me right after all :P ):

• This dress

http://www.victoriassecret.com/clothing%7Cclothing/features/dress-shop/date-night-dresses?ProductID=1265437016562

• My own Eden, a sanctuary style library with a sliding ladder and every book I could ever want to read on the shelves.
• A new camera....I dropped and broke mine and I kind of want to document this year for my scrapbooks.
• And on that note I want to complete my scrapbook :P
• A bigger bed. But bed shopping is haaaard, it feels like such a commitment that I want to make the right decision but I dont really think I know enough to do so! :/ Plus theyre expensive!

So tell me folks, what do you want?

The female thesaurus

So I keep seeing things about translating women... you know what I'm talking about, what women say and what they really mean. That kinda thing. So here's my crack at translating female behavior. Let me know if you think i'm wrong.

Sulking/Storming off/ Pouting = generally means you've fucked up, upset me and now I want you to prove how much you care by hugging or kissing me, chasing after me and generally begging for forgiveness.

Pretending to consider your/his friends as potential lovers. Saying you think someone's hot etc = trying to make you jealous. If your girl is trying to make you jealous then I suggest you kiss her senseless and tell her you love her and she's yours. She's TRYING to make you jealous in order to have you reassure her how much you love her.

Not texting for a period of time = She's waiting for you to text her. She's either afraid of coming across as clingy, waiting for you to show her how much you're thinking of her, or frankly can't think of anything interesting to say and is afraid to come across as boring.

Frequently commenting on your fb page, leaving hickeys in visible places, being overly affectionate in front of specific people, = marking her territory. this might sound stupid but if she's overly clingy in front of someone, eg one of her friends what she's really doing is telling them to fuck off coz you're taken. This especially occurs if she (or you) has one of those friends, everyone has one, who knows no boundaries...the boyfriend stealer who does it to feel better about herself.