Mind changed :P

So I promised a two parter about the shows I watch but honestly i've changed my mind. Over the next couple of weeks there are a stack of new shows coming out and I've decided to kind of review them. I'll be starting with shows that are in the middle/towards the end of their first season and moving up to the newest ones.

So far I aim to talk about:
Alphas
Suits
Necessary Roughness
Ringer
New Girl
Secret Circle
Revenge

Well do you?

Do you ever want to just say fuck you all and walk away from everything? Leave all your responsibilities and the binding chains behind and just walk away?

Shows I watch

Part one of a two parter series :P These are some of the shows I currently watch, next up will be new shows that are coming out that i'd like to watch. 

Fuck this all

I'm freaking out. I think i'm gunna be poor. Don't wanna move, don't wanna downsize. Feel like everything spiralling away from me. My mum's broke. I want to help but it's just going to cost me so much. Wish I could just afford to move out but frankly i cant. Life sucks so much. I wish things were so different, just feel like crying. I guess I'm used to a certain lifestyle and the idea of having it ripped away from me sucks. Have to get used to wanting more than I can have, this fucking sucks.

I know this sounds like the whining of a rich brat who's parents suddenly went broke, very cliche. And yeah I know I'm old enough that i should maybe start supporting myself, but whilst i'm quite domesticated theres noway i can afford it. I just don't need this stress, and neither does she. My mum is way too sick to have to deal with this. And now im scared all the time. Scared it's going to send her into a huge spiral, make her worse which'd cost her more which'd stress her more! If she was healthy she wouldnt have to pay so much for her shrinks, she could hold a job, she could be sociable and happy. But she's not...so i guess i just have to deal. I can't deal with this.

Fuck.

He's making a list and checking it twice, gunna find out who's naughty or nice

Now Christmas may be four months away but that hasn't stopped me from beginning my Christmas shopping :P A few people already have their presents from me organised but most are still up in the air. See the thing about Christmas shopping is a lot of people leave it to the last minute...don't believe me? Look at the awful rush at the shops in December. Now my theory is if I spread it out I have less worry, i don't have to worry about things like postage delays, drain on my savings, or simple stress over what the hell to get the people I care about.

To me presents should show thought and effort. Some amazing presents I've given...not to toot my own horn, include a usb with photos from the last 20-25 years for my mum, a novel length story with my friend as the main character for her birthday, and tickets to an admittedly awful but totally appropriate play. Now this year I've planned out almost everyone's presents, there are only 2 or 3 people I haven't come up with anything for yet. But more importantly I've decided to follow the path set by many chefs and foodies and do hampers with sweet treats inside.

 Now my question to you guys is what should i put in the hampers? Suggestions would be awesome. And do you think it's okay to do one for my boyfriend's family or is that strange?

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain - Mark Twain

Today I was watching the latest episode of Warehouse 13 in which the characters, via a videogame, face their worst fears. This seems to be a common theme in tv shows with a paranormal element. Characters are often required to face their fears. Buffy's Nightmare epsiode required the citizens of Sunnydale to face their fears...Buffy becoming a vamp, Willow singing in public, Xander was terrorised by a clown whilst Giles went blind. Stargate Atlantis's Doppelganger episode killed of characters through scaring them to death. Charmed had an episode, can't remember the name, but after a run in with too much of the Sandman's sand the girls dreams came to live and they had to face what the were afraid of in order to make it go away. This theme even shows up in cartoons! The Powerpuff girls, Hercules, Lilo and Stitch (the show), and even Ducktales explored a person's worst fears manifesting.

So what's the point of all this you may ask? Well it got me thinking, what is my worst fear? Why does this scare me? What are the most common and what are some of the worse fears of the people around me.

The most common worst fears, according to the net are, in no particular order:

• Gaining weight
• Being alone 
• Germs
• Rejection
• Snakes and Spiders
• Speaking in public
• Getting old
• Death
• Permanent injury resulting in helplessness (paralysis, sudden blindness etc)

I asked a few people what they fear. To hide their names i'll use numbers instead :P

1. Snakes and Losing the one he loves

2. Death without making an impact on the world. 

3 Spiders

4. Spiders and drowning

5. Dying alone. 

Now it may seems like I've been dodging the whole personal aspect of what I'M afraid of, but trust me, I haven't forgotten. I'm getting to it, i promise :P

I'm afraid of the usual bugs and creepy critters. At night if there's something in my room i get incredibly paranoid its touching me. I don't know why, it's stupid because honestly what is a fly going to do to me? But there's something about insects that makes my skin crawl.

I'm afraid of doing new things alone, I admit I'm a complete chicken. Seriously. I don't mind new things so much I'm just absolutely terrified of doing them alone. So i guess that's partially being alone as well.

I'm afraid of people. There's a lot of cruelty and hatred, pure evil in this world and I fear it touching me or anyone I care about which is why strange noises freak me out, i always immediately think there's someone in the house and it bothers me greatly. I'm afraid my friends will never find anyone who will appreciate their strength and passion or treat them the way they deserve. I'm afraid my mum will never be happy again. I'm afraid everyone will achieve their dreams and that I will never find my bliss. I'm afraid my future kids will have a Dad like mine and will feel the same rejections and abandonment I did.

I'm afraid of becoming blind because I love to read and watch tv and would never be satisfied with an audiobook. I fear breast cancer because i doubt I'd be able to catch it in time and if I had to have a mastectomy I would look incredibly lopsided. I'm afraid one day I'll wake up and realize I'm agoraphobic and can't leave the house. I'm afraid I don't have the same emotions or feel the same as other people. I'm afraid my violent nature will end up costing me more than I can afford yet it's an instinctive behavior I can't stop. I'm Afraid I'll never orgasm. 

As you can see I'm plagued by fears. But enough about me. What are you most afraid of?

What I'm reading right now...

My main book I'm reading is one I've read before, a sizzling paranormal romance novel by Sydney Croft aka larissa Ione called Riding the Storm. It's the first in the Agency of Covert Operatives series. Haley Holmes, the main character is sent by her agency to lure Remy Begnaud to her agency before ITOR the rival agency gets to him. Remy can create weather when he's aroused or emotional and this book is heavily filled with sexual content. it literally has a sex scene every few pages. I love it.

I'm also reading Dragon Wytch by Yasmine Galenorn. The fourth of the Sisters of the Moon series this book focuses on Camille, a rather sensual and promiscuous witch. Set in Seattle Camille has two main boyfriends and owes a dragon shifter a week of um...service? Not sure how else to put that to be honest. Along with her sisters Menolly, a vampire and Delilah a tabby cat shifter the half fae women seek to prevent their enemy shadow wing from getting the third spirit seal. There's also a Prince Unicorn with a precious gift that vanishes and Fae creating mayhem amongst the full blooded humans. I like this series but it's quite slow each book focusing on the sisters. This is Camille's second book and I still find it hard to swallow how attractive and sexual she's meant to be, it's a bit much.

I'm almost halfway through Twitterature by Alexander Aciman and Emmett Rensin. A birthday present from a friend It basically consists of classic books such as the Iliad and Hamlet retold through twitter updates with each book taking up one or two pages. Interesting and funny i'm getting a relative understanding of the plot of books i've never read before in a short period of time.

The final book I'm rereading David Eddings' Magician's Gambit. The third in the Belgariad series I have been reading this one in a while and whilst I truly love this one i only get around to reading a few pages a day because of everything else going on. I want to finish rereading this series as I think David Eddings is an impressive and underrated author with an incredible array of novels. This story follows Belgarion and his companions on their quest to find the Orb of Aldur.