Shame on me

So I've been completely slack with updating my blog, so to those actually checking up on it I'm sorry. I shall try to blog more often but we all know how life gets in the way of these things.

I have nothing particularly new or exciting to talk about, no new shows to contemplate or books I've read to dissect, frankly I've barely been reading at all. I've been rewatching old shows, onto season four of alias and just finished the first season of crossing jordan.

I'm really looking forward to christmas this year, for the first time in quite a few years. I get to spend the day with my family which is not usually fun but with my 6 month old nephew and my cousin's 2 week old baby girl it should be a different feeling to the day, plus I get to bring my wonderful boyfriend with me so I won't be the sole single gal there :P

So with the promise of more posts to come I'll leave you guys to your lives...

NaNo no more

So I've not really being enjoying Nano this year. My story is not good, in fact it's down right shit. I don't love any of it. And since I'm not having fun I've decided to pull out. No more NaNo for me. Here's one of the better bits from my story for old time's sake but aside from one or two scenes i saved the rest is getting deleted.

“Other people use machines but I think the best pasta can happen when you put the most love into it, when you use your hands rather than letting machines do the work. Roll it nice and thin and you can turn it into anything. Pasta dough is incredibly, what do you call it? Versatile? It can become ravioli, spaghetti, you can make it into shapes or fill it with anything. Pasta is only limited by your creativity and imagination. I’ve always thought of pasta to be similar to love, it is stronger when you bash it with a rolling pin, can fall apart quickly if you leave it in hot water too long, and can be whatever you make of it. Do you understand dear?”

“Boys too are like pasta, sometimes bashing them with pins is the best part. Sometimes they should be left in boiling water until they fall apart. I am so sorry my dear for what you went through, but not all men are like that. Some would rather die than hit a woman and have good souls. You will find someone who will make you realise nothing else matters but your love for him and his for you. You too have a good heart. I see it.”

NaNo Log Day 10

On par : 16666

Aim: 17000

Current wordcount: 16700

I'm having issues finding enough time and motivation to write. I'm not liking how my story is progressing, the plot is fine it's the writing that sucks. I've decided she's going to spend less time in venice and go to america next, probably renting out a car to do a road trip. She's going to make a few friends and figure out her calling. and somewhere in her future have a Skype conversation with the woman who set everything off. Should be nice and awkward.

This scene is a flashback of a conversation with Shane that she has whilst she's on a boat in venice. lemme know whatcha think

“Shane?”

“Yeah sweets?”

“You’re okay with me going right?”

“Of course I am. You need to be free, I get it. It’s okay.”

“Will you be alright without me?”

He shifted, looking away from the screen and turning towards me. His eyes were filled with speculation and his lips curved into a crooked smile of amusement.

“No Catherine. I will fall apart, my world will completely collapse without you. They might even be a zombie apocalypse.”

“You’re teasing me.”

“Yes. I am.” He smiled and I smiled back though only half-heartedly. Instead of feeling better I flinched inwardly, he would perfectly fine without me, like I would no longer exist. Like I didn’t matter. Some part of me wanted him to at least miss me.

“So you’re perfectly okay with me leaving? You won’t even miss me?”

“Is that what’s bothering you Caty? You think I won’t miss you?”

“Maybe. Leaving you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and you sound like you won’t even miss me.”

“Of course I’ll miss you, you silly goose. You’re my best friend. Who else can I tell all my naughty gossip too? Or read smutty novels in silly voices with? Who else can I bitch about the girls at work with, or perve on guys with? We’re soulmates of the friendship kind and if I thought it was good for you I’d do anything to keep you with me. But part of loving someone is letting them go when they need to and just hoping they find happiness.” It was the longest speech I think I’d ever heard him do, and quite possibly the most heartfelt. Tears welled up in my eyes and I fought them back, afraid crying would ruin the moment we were sharing.

“I love you too Shane.”

NaNo Log Day 7 - I said kiss me!

Word count to be on par: 11666

Aim for the end of tonight: 12000

Current wordcount: 11500

So I've been falling behind because of work and boyfriend this weekend, been trying to catch up today and if I can get further and further ahead during the week it shouldnt matter if I can't write much on the weekends. Now officially past the 1/5th mark and my story is getting fleshed out a bit. Catherine my FMC is currently in Venice having a one night stand with a sexy local called Daniel.

                                                                           ~~~

Sliding off the stool I put my empty glass back on the bar, I strode around the smooth wooden surface until I was behind the bar, face to face with Daniel.

“Kiss me.”

“What?” He seemed thrown by my sudden boldness but I was finally ready to take charge. I wanted his lips on mine, and his hard body flush against my soft one, even if it was only for the one night. I wanted my first day in Venice to end with a truly spectacular bang that set up the atmosphere for the rest of the trip. Reaching up I wrapped my arm around his neck, ran my fingers through his dark silky hair and pulled him close for a kiss. Without any hesitation I rose up on my tiptoes and closed the gap between us until heat scorched between us.

I whispered into his lips “I said, kiss me.” He smiled against my lips, wrapped arms around my waist and tugged me closer pulling me off balance until I almost fell against his tight hard chest.

He pulled away grinning, in a deep husky voice almost like a growl he replied, “Then I shall do as you command.” Finally he kissed me, and everything spun in a whirlwind from there. The second our lips touched I felt his arms tighten around me as he lifted me easily onto the bar. My butt slid easily across the varnished surface as he moved between my legs. My ankles wrapped around his hips as he kissed my mouth, my jaw, my neck, dragging his lips across my tender flesh as I whimpered with pleasure. Rough hands shoved the material of my dress up my legs whilst his teeth scraped across the tender muscle where my neck met my shoulder, how he knew that was my secret weakness I had no idea but oh my god it was good. Pain mixed with pleasure until I could barely see straight through the haze of desire. I tried to concentrate enough to carefully unbutton his shirt but my hands were shaking and the teeny tiny buttons wouldn’t fit through the holes. Finally I just grabbed the edges and pulled sending buttons flying everywhere as they were ripped free from their stitching.

Nano Log Day 4

I'd fallen behind the past few days, life being hectic and such. Plus I'd gotten to a point in my story where I had no idea what i wanted to do next. but I'm back on top of it and up to date.
Par:6666
Aim by tonight: 8000
Current wordcount: 7070
Today's scene. Set in Venice.

“You look amazing.” The store assistant stood behind me, a cheery grin on her rosy cheeks. Tight blond ringlets were tight back loosely fighting vainly to be free. A name badge pinned to her light summer dress read Annie

“Thank you.”

“Hot date?” Here blue eyes twinkled as she teased me lightly, her American accent adding a twang to her girly voice. She was young but she smiled like she knew what I had planned for the night.

“Yeah. Sort of.”

“Sort of? He’s not hot or it’s not a date?”

“Oh he’s hot. Unbelievably hot.” I bit my lip, recalling the way his black jeans had snugly cupped his muscular biteable ass.

“His jaw will taste carpet at the sight of you in that dress. It’s stunning.” I giggled at how naughty her words could be taken, she blushed horrified and covered her mouth with her hand, tripping over herself to explain. “I meant his jaw will hit the floor, not you know...”

“It’s okay I know what you meant. Maybe I’ll get lucky and his jaw will do both.” We shared a giggle and my mind was made up. Even if this dress left me stranded in Venice I’d buy it, it was going to be so worth it. “I have to have this dress.”

“You should, and it’s on sale.”

“It is?”

“For you, yes. I can’t let anyone else walk out with that dress. It belongs to you!” Annie was being very flattering, probably had to encourage every customer to spend a small fortune or something but she really didn’t need to. I was going to buy this dress, and the shoes, and possibly even a gorgeous silver necklace with a dark jade pendent in the shape of a teardrop that would hang just above my cleavage. It felt strange, like it was calling to me. It wanted me to buy it. That sounds so strange when I think about it but it felt like this necklace was meant to be mine. I placed it next to the dress and shoes on the counter and Annie looked at strangely, a small frown on her brows.

“Jade. interesting choice, did you know Jade attracts love, balances the heart chakra, and...” she paused, studying my expression, “...it encourages healing.”

It was coincidence surely that the necklace I choose for my date would attract love and promote healing. I wasn’t sure I believed in the power of gemstones but this one held something special. Maybe it could help me heal from my past, move on, but even if it could, it couldn’t attract love. Love doesn’t exist. I thought i was in love. But I was just a pawn in his sociopathic game of revenge. I felt nothing but pity for his other woman though, she was with a sick twisted man and probably had no idea what he was intending to do. Or even what he was capable of. Maybe for me to properly move on I had to help her, had to get her to see Gary for who he truly was. She would know by know though, wouldn’t she? She would be wondering where he was otherwise wouldn’t she? And the Police would have talked to her, not that they seemed to be putting much effort into finding him. Guess I was just another case slipping through the cracks. He wouldn’t hurt me anymore, couldn’t I was ready for him this time. But he could hurt her.

Leaving the store with my new purchases I wandered casually back to my room. It was getting late, stores were beginning to close, the crowd was thinning and their air had gotten considerably cooler. The dinner crowd began to emerge, all dolled up in their fancy clothes as the cafes and restaurants began to light their candles, music was switched to a slower more romantic pace, and waiters moved around setting places. Crisp cool air teased my skin cooling my body, a tantalising feeling I’d never paid attention to before. Dusk was setting in, the formless clouds a palette of pinks, greys and reddish oranges painted atop a canvas of dark blue sky. The stars were beginning to shine and I couldn’t help but feel I was in one of the most beautiful cities on earth. I’d walked further than I thought; my hotel seemed impossibly far away but for once I didn’t mind the exercise as it gave me the chance to think.

I wondered about the men in my life. What was Daniel doing at the moment...was he contemplating the possibilities of tonight? Wondering what was to come of the evening like I was? Or was it just another night for him? Was i another notch on his bedpost? Not that it mattered all that much but a girl gets curious every now and then. What was Gary up to? Was he hiding or still on the run, plotting my demise in some evil villain lair? Sleeping under bridges using newspaper for warmth whilst the rats nibbled his face? Secretly hoping for the bridge and rats option I sent out a silent prayer to the universe that even if he wasn’t in some hellhole that he wouldn’t harm another woman again. I didn’t believe in prayer, religion and faith seemed like complete crap to me, but it couldn’t do any harm.

And Shane. My wise-man, therapist, neighbourly sage, I hadn’t called him yet! He was probably worrying about me, thinking the worst. He was always rather over-dramatic. But he was really all I had. I should call him, I’d promised him all the goss and I’m pretty sure a hot date with a sexy Italian man qualified as gossip. 

NaNo Log Day 1

Current word count: 2680

Progress Report : So I had no clue what to write when I started at midnight. But now the rough formation of an idea has started. And I've been writing all day. I aim to get as much done this week as I can because exams are coming up and that will cut into my writing time. I'll also struggle to get much done on weekends coz of work and the bf. So I need to keep up the pace in order to finish in time. Aim to hopefully reach 3500 by tonight.

The first bit I wrote:

Sometimes you have a plan, a list of things to do and the idea of how to do it. But then again, if you’re a girl like me, your plan never quite works out the way you want it to. After all this wasn’t what I wanted. My hints to the guy of my dreams about a romantic trip away had fallen flat on its face. The plane tickets I’d found taped to the underside of his underwear drawer were first class to Fiji. Wonderful. But neither of the names on the tickets were mine. Not so wonderful. So who the hell was Vicki Linden? And why was she going to Fiji with my boyfriend?!

Teasing Taste of Things to come

Nano starts in just over two hours. Blank mind, blank slate. Vaguely concerning but here goes. Will be posting snippets of my writing here so keep an eye out. Just a little taste for my loyal followers, here's something I wrote recently.

The sound of attempted silence in the library was deafening as people shifted and pages rustled around her. She was bored by her work, the words in front of her blurring mindlessly, she’d read this page ten times already and still she had no idea what it said. She was decided, it was time to play. Her boyfriend sat next to her, comfortably absorbed in a book, he had no idea how uncomfortable he was about to get.

A sly grin spread across her lips as all sorts of naughty ideas sprung to mind. She was going to see just how far she could push the limits. Her eyes still on the page she pretended to read as her hand snaked out to rest on his knee. He didn’t even flinch as her fingers began to trace a soft torturously slow path along the seams of his jeans, moving higher and higher before slipping back down. Looking through her lashes she frowned, again no response. Pressing harder she began to scrape her nails across the material and was satisfied with a quiet growl.

“Having fun there?”

“Shh. No talking in the library remember.”

Grinning she blew him a kiss and turned the page. Beginning her pretend reading once more she shifted her chair closer and lay her hand directly atop his hardening cock. She squeezed lightly her nimble fingers unzipping him easily.

“What are you doing? We’re in public.”

“I know. And i think it’s fairly obvious what I’m doing.” 

Fresh Starts and Hard Pasts

So you may have noticed the new design? There are new bits and pieces around my blog so I'd love it if you took the time to have another look around, see what's changed, and let me know what you think?!

I needed a change, my life's been feeling a bit smothering and rut-ish lately and whilst it's only a super teeny tiny change it's a start. My sister's moving out next week into her own house so that should give me the freedom and space to move my stuff around until I figure out a new space. And it should free up an area to fit my guy's stuff in my room without it taking over, although I'm sure many of you know a guy who simply has to cover a room with their clothes and junk...

Ran into someone recently from a fairly traumatic time in my past, he remembered me but not my name, and that hurt more than it should. His actions destroyed a part of me, left me feeling like complete and utter crap and he has the gall to forget my name?! I thought I was over it, but i'm not. I'm still angry and hurt and want more than anything to forget the damage he did. But I never will. And what makes it worse is that to everyone he seems a perfectly nice, attractive guy, but to me? He's the one who seduced me into thinking he was a sexy nice guy, and then tricked me in the dark, refusing to take no as a final answer. And he's the one who ripped my self-esteem apart with his final words "It'll be better with someone you love." You know what asshole? It is better but I'd rather not know what it's like on the other side thankyou very much. I'd rather not know what it's like to meet a guy who doesn't listen to 'I'm not going to have sex with you' who's you're a virgin and still decides when it's dark and you're distracted that it's okay to do that. God this wasn't supposed to turn into me bitching about that, I'm meant to be moving on. Forgive and forget right? Well I might forget but I'll never forgive!

So anyways, happy thoughts, I think i'm addicted to coke. But it's okay, it's diet :P Hehehehe

NaNoWriMo starts next week. Wish me luck and I hope some of you guys give it a shot too.....

NaNoWriMo take 2

So I've decided to do NaNoWriMo again this year. I have no idea what i'm going to write so it will be completely fresh and possibly random. The idea of writing more than 1667 words a day on top of exams, work and a boyfriend is a scary, hard proposition but I'm gunna give it a crack and see what I can come up with.

So wish me luck

http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/chrixzy5

Update

Left to review in this series include:
Unforgettable
Person of Interest
Prime Suspect
Free Agents
Up all Night

Also change of one of my reviews. Ringer: having watched more episodes, only one but hey not the point, i'm finding myself feeling bored and doubting whether it can make a whole season. Kind of lost by the conspiracyness and its losing its appeal. Hopefully it will pick back up but honestly i doubt it. Review changed from 4/5 to 3/5   :(

2 Broke Girls

 This show chronicles the lives of two waitresses in their twenties—Max, who comes from a poor working-class family (and works an additional job as a nanny to a Manhattan socialite), and Caroline, who was born rich but is now disgraced and peniless due to her father being caught operating a Ponzi scheme—working together at a Brooklyn restaurant. 

Now I love Kat Dennings, she's a hilariously underrated actress with an 'im dead inside' wit and an acidic tongue. She really makes this show. Her roomie is a nitwit and very funny and the people she works with are amusing and admittedly one-dimensional. The characters could use rounding out but for a show that'll make you laugh and is just for giggles it doesn't particularly matter, I even like the fact they have a horse, Chestnut, he's adorably random... keep an eye out for a 'muddy' scene :P

3/5

Hart of Dixie

Fast-talking New Yorker and brand new doctor Zoe Hart has it all figured out - after graduating top of her class from medical school, she'll follow in her father's footsteps and become a cardio-thoracic surgeon.

But when her dreams fall apart, Zoe decides to accept an offer from a stranger, Dr. Harley Wilkes, to work with him at his small practice in Bluebell, Alabama. Zoe arrives in this small Gulf Coast town only to find that Harley has passed away and left his half of the medical practice to her in his will. She quickly finds that Southern hospitality isn't always so hospitable 

Now I wasn't expecting to love this show. But I'd seriously underestimated the allure of the Southern accent. This show deals with what to do when everyone hates you and you just have to get through it and hope it all works out. There's also some kind of love triangle though I'm thinking maybe its a square, or some other weirdass shape. She likes him, he likes her but is engaged to someone else who has a thing for someone else. Complicated but intriguing. One thing that irritates me though is Lavon Hayes, referring to himself, constantly in the third person, though he is a minor character so it doesnt detract too much from the show. Rachel Bilson is cute as she stumbles through her new life which is completely at odds to her old one.

My rating? Better than I thought it would be 4/5

Necessary Roughness

A Long Island psychotherapist whose personal life unravels when she finds her husband cheating. Diving fully into her work, Dr. Dani Santino soon finds herself as the most sought-after therapist for high-profile clients. Athletes, entertainers, politicians and others living in the spotlight clamor for her unique brand of tough love therapy during their moments of crisis. Although her career is reenergized, it wreaks havoc on her life as a newly minted single mom of two teenagers

This show is light and funny as it follows Dr Dani and her trials working with sports stars. Her kids are naughty and sneaky, her husband's an ass, and her mum is completely psycho. But the team? Now they have issues that are really fun to watch her tackle whilst trying to deal with her obvious attraction to the team's assistant coach, and the less obvious attraction to Nico, a guy with a huge level of mystery and secrecy and a past that millimetre by millimetre is slowly revealed.


I really like this show , it's light and upbeat and i really recommend it.


4/5

Suits

On the run from a drug deal gone bad, Mike Ross, a brilliant college-dropout, finds himself a job working with Harvey Specter, one of New York City's best lawyers.

Suits has just finished its first season and I have to say I'm really loving this one, already picked up for a second season this one is looking good and not just coz I think both of them are hot. Suits is one of those shows that you watch because you want to see more. You want to watch the triangle forming in mike's life. You want to see Harvey kick ass. Lewis is whiny and bossy which is amusing and Donna's has mysterious power. Suits has a pull to it that makes it one of those shows I watch first.

4/5

Ringer

A young woman on the run from the mob poses as her wealthy twin sister to try and evade them, but soon discovers that her sister has a price on her head as well.

Having watched the pilot of this i find myself intrigued to see the rest of this show. The first episode was very intense and packed full of plot and information and i'm intrigued to watch the rest of it unfold more slowly. Sarah Michelle Geller was incredible playing both roles in a way that makes me really glad she's back on tv because she is an amazing actress. Playing on duplicity you have to remember not to assume one is the good twin and one the bad but instead consider the moral ambuigity. Plus the guys in this are pretty hot so i'm keen to watch on

4/5

New Girl

This show stars Zooey Deschanel as Jessica "Jess" Day, a well-liked, bubbly, and adorable woman in her late 20s who is trying to get over her surprise breakup with her model boyfriend. She eventually finds a new place to stay when she moves in with three single guys: Nick, a bartender; Schmidt, a professional and modern-day casanova; and Coach, a former athlete turned trainer. Rounding out this unlikely bunch is Jessica's street-smart model friend Cece. Together, this group of friends try to help Jess learn a lot about love, life and mostly about herself, while at the same time learn a lot about themselves

Having watched the pilot of this I have to say this is going to be a really good show. Jess is adorkable and really funny, randomly singing to herself and the guys whilst vaguely one-dimensional are going to be pretty interesting to watch develop into rounded characters. Really funny with moments that were priceless. Going to be looking out for this one :)

4.5/5

Alphas

Dr Lee Rosen leads a team of "Alphas", human beings with enhanced abilities due to differences in their brain structure: Gary Bell, a highly functioning autistic with an ability to process information that rivals most computers; Bill Harken, a former FBI agent who can amp up his "fight or flight" reflex, giving him extraordinary strength for a brief period of time; Cameron Hicks, a former Marine sharpshooter with supernatural balance and aim; Nina Theroux, a beautiful woman who can reprogram other people's minds to do as she bids; and Rachel Pirzad, a sheltered Persian girl who can intensify one sense at the expense of the others. However, with said powers comes a price - for Gary, autism which makes him a child for all intents and purposes; for Harken, severe anger issues that cost him his job and family; for Rachel, struggling to overcome her parents shame at her "illness"; and Nina, never really knowing how those close to her actually feel. In any case, they've all come together for the common good with Rosen as their mentor, teaching them to further control their abilities with each passing day

Now this show is towards the end of its first season and I have to say I really like it. The characters could use more depth but a second season could allow for this expansion. Gary is my favorite with his issues and  attitude, he can be quite funny and has a pretty cool ability. The team have to deal with their own issues, deal with the government who want to turn them into a tag-and-bag group for collecting and 'dealing' with Alphas, as well as dealing with Alphas who wont or cant control their gifts, and Red Flag, an organisation that seem to have their fingers in every pot. Its a show that is fast and actiony and I have to say one I shall pray for a second season too. The characters have interesting flaws and their interactions are what makes this show one worth watching :) 

3.75/5 

Mind changed :P

So I promised a two parter about the shows I watch but honestly i've changed my mind. Over the next couple of weeks there are a stack of new shows coming out and I've decided to kind of review them. I'll be starting with shows that are in the middle/towards the end of their first season and moving up to the newest ones.

So far I aim to talk about:
Alphas
Suits
Necessary Roughness
Ringer
New Girl
Secret Circle
Revenge

Well do you?

Do you ever want to just say fuck you all and walk away from everything? Leave all your responsibilities and the binding chains behind and just walk away?

Shows I watch

Part one of a two parter series :P These are some of the shows I currently watch, next up will be new shows that are coming out that i'd like to watch. 

Fuck this all

I'm freaking out. I think i'm gunna be poor. Don't wanna move, don't wanna downsize. Feel like everything spiralling away from me. My mum's broke. I want to help but it's just going to cost me so much. Wish I could just afford to move out but frankly i cant. Life sucks so much. I wish things were so different, just feel like crying. I guess I'm used to a certain lifestyle and the idea of having it ripped away from me sucks. Have to get used to wanting more than I can have, this fucking sucks.

I know this sounds like the whining of a rich brat who's parents suddenly went broke, very cliche. And yeah I know I'm old enough that i should maybe start supporting myself, but whilst i'm quite domesticated theres noway i can afford it. I just don't need this stress, and neither does she. My mum is way too sick to have to deal with this. And now im scared all the time. Scared it's going to send her into a huge spiral, make her worse which'd cost her more which'd stress her more! If she was healthy she wouldnt have to pay so much for her shrinks, she could hold a job, she could be sociable and happy. But she's not...so i guess i just have to deal. I can't deal with this.

Fuck.

He's making a list and checking it twice, gunna find out who's naughty or nice

Now Christmas may be four months away but that hasn't stopped me from beginning my Christmas shopping :P A few people already have their presents from me organised but most are still up in the air. See the thing about Christmas shopping is a lot of people leave it to the last minute...don't believe me? Look at the awful rush at the shops in December. Now my theory is if I spread it out I have less worry, i don't have to worry about things like postage delays, drain on my savings, or simple stress over what the hell to get the people I care about.

To me presents should show thought and effort. Some amazing presents I've given...not to toot my own horn, include a usb with photos from the last 20-25 years for my mum, a novel length story with my friend as the main character for her birthday, and tickets to an admittedly awful but totally appropriate play. Now this year I've planned out almost everyone's presents, there are only 2 or 3 people I haven't come up with anything for yet. But more importantly I've decided to follow the path set by many chefs and foodies and do hampers with sweet treats inside.

 Now my question to you guys is what should i put in the hampers? Suggestions would be awesome. And do you think it's okay to do one for my boyfriend's family or is that strange?

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain - Mark Twain

Today I was watching the latest episode of Warehouse 13 in which the characters, via a videogame, face their worst fears. This seems to be a common theme in tv shows with a paranormal element. Characters are often required to face their fears. Buffy's Nightmare epsiode required the citizens of Sunnydale to face their fears...Buffy becoming a vamp, Willow singing in public, Xander was terrorised by a clown whilst Giles went blind. Stargate Atlantis's Doppelganger episode killed of characters through scaring them to death. Charmed had an episode, can't remember the name, but after a run in with too much of the Sandman's sand the girls dreams came to live and they had to face what the were afraid of in order to make it go away. This theme even shows up in cartoons! The Powerpuff girls, Hercules, Lilo and Stitch (the show), and even Ducktales explored a person's worst fears manifesting.

So what's the point of all this you may ask? Well it got me thinking, what is my worst fear? Why does this scare me? What are the most common and what are some of the worse fears of the people around me.

The most common worst fears, according to the net are, in no particular order:

• Gaining weight
• Being alone 
• Germs
• Rejection
• Snakes and Spiders
• Speaking in public
• Getting old
• Death
• Permanent injury resulting in helplessness (paralysis, sudden blindness etc)

I asked a few people what they fear. To hide their names i'll use numbers instead :P

1. Snakes and Losing the one he loves

2. Death without making an impact on the world. 

3 Spiders

4. Spiders and drowning

5. Dying alone. 

Now it may seems like I've been dodging the whole personal aspect of what I'M afraid of, but trust me, I haven't forgotten. I'm getting to it, i promise :P

I'm afraid of the usual bugs and creepy critters. At night if there's something in my room i get incredibly paranoid its touching me. I don't know why, it's stupid because honestly what is a fly going to do to me? But there's something about insects that makes my skin crawl.

I'm afraid of doing new things alone, I admit I'm a complete chicken. Seriously. I don't mind new things so much I'm just absolutely terrified of doing them alone. So i guess that's partially being alone as well.

I'm afraid of people. There's a lot of cruelty and hatred, pure evil in this world and I fear it touching me or anyone I care about which is why strange noises freak me out, i always immediately think there's someone in the house and it bothers me greatly. I'm afraid my friends will never find anyone who will appreciate their strength and passion or treat them the way they deserve. I'm afraid my mum will never be happy again. I'm afraid everyone will achieve their dreams and that I will never find my bliss. I'm afraid my future kids will have a Dad like mine and will feel the same rejections and abandonment I did.

I'm afraid of becoming blind because I love to read and watch tv and would never be satisfied with an audiobook. I fear breast cancer because i doubt I'd be able to catch it in time and if I had to have a mastectomy I would look incredibly lopsided. I'm afraid one day I'll wake up and realize I'm agoraphobic and can't leave the house. I'm afraid I don't have the same emotions or feel the same as other people. I'm afraid my violent nature will end up costing me more than I can afford yet it's an instinctive behavior I can't stop. I'm Afraid I'll never orgasm. 

As you can see I'm plagued by fears. But enough about me. What are you most afraid of?

What I'm reading right now...

My main book I'm reading is one I've read before, a sizzling paranormal romance novel by Sydney Croft aka larissa Ione called Riding the Storm. It's the first in the Agency of Covert Operatives series. Haley Holmes, the main character is sent by her agency to lure Remy Begnaud to her agency before ITOR the rival agency gets to him. Remy can create weather when he's aroused or emotional and this book is heavily filled with sexual content. it literally has a sex scene every few pages. I love it.

I'm also reading Dragon Wytch by Yasmine Galenorn. The fourth of the Sisters of the Moon series this book focuses on Camille, a rather sensual and promiscuous witch. Set in Seattle Camille has two main boyfriends and owes a dragon shifter a week of um...service? Not sure how else to put that to be honest. Along with her sisters Menolly, a vampire and Delilah a tabby cat shifter the half fae women seek to prevent their enemy shadow wing from getting the third spirit seal. There's also a Prince Unicorn with a precious gift that vanishes and Fae creating mayhem amongst the full blooded humans. I like this series but it's quite slow each book focusing on the sisters. This is Camille's second book and I still find it hard to swallow how attractive and sexual she's meant to be, it's a bit much.

I'm almost halfway through Twitterature by Alexander Aciman and Emmett Rensin. A birthday present from a friend It basically consists of classic books such as the Iliad and Hamlet retold through twitter updates with each book taking up one or two pages. Interesting and funny i'm getting a relative understanding of the plot of books i've never read before in a short period of time.

The final book I'm rereading David Eddings' Magician's Gambit. The third in the Belgariad series I have been reading this one in a while and whilst I truly love this one i only get around to reading a few pages a day because of everything else going on. I want to finish rereading this series as I think David Eddings is an impressive and underrated author with an incredible array of novels. This story follows Belgarion and his companions on their quest to find the Orb of Aldur.

Reality vs Romance Novels

This is a draft I wrote ages ago that I just discovered. I hope you find it interesting. If you think of anything i might have missed lemme know :)


1. Shower sex...not as easy as it sounds unless the girl is tiny and the guy is strong enough to pick her up and support her weight. Also issues with slipperiness. However experimentation can result in a few positions that are manageable for a few minutes at a time....

2. Timeframe. RN have these whirlwind romances that would honestly freak me out if it happened in RL, If we fell in mutual love in the space of a few days i would be terrified. Something that burns so hot initially is bound to burn out.

3. Strong hatred turned to love. Yeah right, admittedly some of the most passionate anger can be a disguise for lust but really strong feelings where the person has been badly hurt by the other person cannot be changed, especially in such short spans.

4. Multiple orgasms. The girl is often uptight or reserved in the beginning before being unleashed, turned into a sexfiend. Both partners can orgams repeatedly in a session of sex, everytime. In almost EVERY book this occurs. Frankly there is a large percentage of the female population that can't orgasm, or struggles to multiple.

Bucket List

So I've started making my own bucket list. I intend to finish it and make it look pretty then print it out and mark things off. So far I have 50 things. Here they are:

1.       See a hot air balloon festival and go up in one

2.       Go to wallmart

3.       Learn sign language

4.       Invent a lullaby

5.       Have a massive library with a sliding ladder

6.       Experience zero-gravity

7.       See the Northern Lights

8.       See stonehenge

9.       Travel through Venice on a gondola

10.   Learn sword fighting

11.   Learn how to shoot with lots of different guns

12.   Read every book written by Sherrilyn Kenyon

13.   Make a list of 100 books I want to read and read them all

14.   Collect my favourite books from my childhood

15. Buy every book on my book wishlist

16.   Meet Misha Collins

17.   Meet Matt Bomer

18.   Meet Jenson Ackles

19.   Join the Mile-High Club

20.   Pass on a family heirloom to your child. (We don't have any so I'd have to start my own tradition).

21.   Write a letter to each of your children telling them what you want them to know about your life and the lessons you've learned

22.   Have my own home with a fireplace

23.   Have a four poster bed

24.   Get a book published

25.   See someone reading my book

26.   Donate blood

27.   Own a small bookstore with comfy cushions to sit on.

28.   Write a novel in a month through NaNoWriMo

29.   Try Beignets at Cafe Du Monde

30.   Quit a job I hate

31.   Attend a Murder Mystery Dinner

32.   Have a whirlwind romance in a foreign country

33.   Meet Sherrilyn Kenyon

34.   Go Zorbing in New Zealand.

35.   Starburst

36.   Plant a tree

37.   Ride in a black 1967 Chevy Impala

38.   Watch all 8 Hp’s in a row without stopping

39.   Have a zen garden

40.   Go to a comedy festival in Montreal

41.   Visit Vancouver

42.   Tick everything of my ‘naughty list’

43.   Ride a mechanical bull

44.   Visit all the Disneyland/world’s : Orlando, Paris, Hong Kong, Japan, California, 

45.   Make a candle and keep it burning for someone I love

46.   Knit a quilt

47.   Develop my own herb garden and keep it alive!!!

48.   Take a roadtrip with friends

49.   Snuggle up in the arms of the man I love and watch fireworks

50.   Make a list of 100 things that make me happy and decorate it

If wishes were like flowers I'd like....

- Flowers. Noone's ever given me flowers before.
-Guys to be able to tell what your hints mean.
-People to be more thoughtful with their gift giving, not just relying on something predictable like alcohol as a gift, especially when the receiver barely drinks. For my 18th i got heaps of alcohol. I drank NONE of it, shows how much you know me people :/

-A claddagh ring for my birthday. I used to have one but my sis dropped my tv on it and smooshed it. I'd really love another one so that i could show the world in a teeny tiny way that my heart belongs to another. Plus the whole thing is a sign of friendship, love and loyalty and that seems like such a beautiful thing to me.
- To rediscover lost abilities. Namely baking, but also pool and drawing.
-My sis to have her baby, she's now 5 days overdue and i'm tired of waiting for the news that she's gone into labour!
-Starburst. This might only make sense to a few of my followers but it bothers me greatly that I have yet to achieve this. it seems that those who can don't appreciate or desire it nearly as much as those who cant, it seems to be one of those 'weak know the true value of strength' things (yeah i watched the captain america trailer earlier :P )

Can't touch this

Sometimes a girl just has to rant, so bare with me. I've recently been embroiled in a fight between myself and my boyfriends's mates. A heated debate turned into them attacking me and my friends who weren't even involved ending with me in tears and my bf deciding to not talk to his friends. Unfortunately his assholes of friends have decided that I am the enemy that must be eliminated and are consistently driving a wedge. His mate threatened me, demanded my bf 'sort out his bitch of a gf' and blamed me for absolutely everything, claiming that my guy is a bad friend and stating that 'he hopes he gets shot' when he gets deployed.

I feel like I've ruined a friendship, and am hurting my guy, despite the fact that I was the one attacked and not the attacker. I'm miserable over the situation and feel like a terrible person. Frankly I'm sick of them ganging up on me. So I've decided my attitude needs to change. I don't need them to like me as long as my bf still loves me. I didn't do anything wrong so I don't need to feel guilty. And ya know what, fuck them! Threatening my relationship, my friends, saying that you'll sic a warrant officer on me...makes you a fuckwit. Calling me names like fat slut, vile bitch, and stating that he can 'go and find a REAL woman once he's done' with me makes you a horrible person and a nasty bastard. And I'm not going to let you hurt me anymore. I'm not afraid, you CANT hurt me, and you CANT hurt my relationship unless i let you. And i fucking wont.

Somewhere only we know...

I've always wanted my own place. Some place I go for privacy, or to contemplate my thoughts, or just to read a book. Years ago I read this scene in a Harlequin story where this girl has her spot, it's under a tree on a golf course and she used to watch the guy she liked play golf there. years later she took him to that spot and shared it with him. It was such an intimate thing, sharing her secret place with this one guy, meant so much more than sex or saying I love you, it was real and honest. Ever since I read that Ive wanted my own spot. somewhere to go when the urge hits me. But i've never been able to find it.

Recently I've found myself wanting to discover a place with my guy, something thats ours. Somewhere only we know. Which coincidently is why im loving this song atm...

Somewhere only we know - Keane

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know


So tell me something, am I alone in this? Do you have a private spot to go? Do you want one? Or am I bonkers?

I want...Wednesdays

Everyone wants something. Whether you want a certain book, some time to yourself, or world peace, share what you want with “I Want….” Wednesdays.


I want (well would like, my mother raised me right after all :P ):

• This dress

http://www.victoriassecret.com/clothing%7Cclothing/features/dress-shop/date-night-dresses?ProductID=1265437016562

• My own Eden, a sanctuary style library with a sliding ladder and every book I could ever want to read on the shelves.
• A new camera....I dropped and broke mine and I kind of want to document this year for my scrapbooks.
• And on that note I want to complete my scrapbook :P
• A bigger bed. But bed shopping is haaaard, it feels like such a commitment that I want to make the right decision but I dont really think I know enough to do so! :/ Plus theyre expensive!

So tell me folks, what do you want?