Tuesday, October 12, 2010


So I've been feeling a little high strung lately, excessively emotional which is unusual for me, I'm usually kinda of emotionless. I'm not 100% certain whats wrong, i usually operate better under stress than normal situations, but I think there might be too much stress right now. trying to keep all these secrets and help everyone out and do my assignments and live my life. And it all just keeps crashing down on me.

I think i've figured out why its all affecting me so much. I'm bored. All the time. I'm so sick of being alone and so bored of just doing the same things day after day. i miss excitement, and fun. There's just something so wrong with feeling alone. I'm used to being alone and normally it doesn't affect me, i rarely feel lonely.  it's just there are times when everything is too much and all you want to do is crawl into someones arms, have them wipe away your tears and tell you that everything will be okay because you have them. But alas, it's times like these when it really hits you just how alone you are. There is noone to hold you. Noone to brush the tears off your cheeks. No one who can drive over to your house to tell you everythings okay even though its 2am. You are alone. And it sucks.

But my point is its the boredom that gives me the time to think about these things. Simply too much is going on in my head because there is too much time where i'm just thinking.  Maybe I need to get out more...


  1. This is one of the things that worries me with the idea of becoming a full time writer. What about colleagues? I am in many ways a pretty solitary soul, but I also enjoy company, perhaps especially at a workplace where you can catch up with friends over lunch. If I choose to make my home my place of work, I probably won't have that opportunity very often.

    That is "daytime alone", though, which is a very different feeling from what you're describing. I suppose it is true that the solution is to get out more (I could definitely do with that myself), though there are times I consider just giving up and simply becoming a cat lady. Come to think of it, that would probably solve the daytime alone problem too...

    Good luck!

  2. I often consider giving up and becoming a hermit, but the night time alone is bad enough that adding a daytime alone would crush my fragile sense of sanity.

  3. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....ill be a hermit with you!! dont be bored :(
    if you wish to crawl into my arms...it is acceptable :P i may also be available to brush away your tears...no funny stuff though! I would drive over to see you at 2am however it is most likely that i would be asleep but for you...i would :D

  4. I'm a hermit too as a writer. Sometimes you need a change of pace, luckily I still freelance for a newspaper too, so I talk to different people. Try a new hobby; get on an email list; talk on FB...And hey - you met all of us. ha! Sometimes exercise makes the big difference in how you feel... any walking groups by you? We all get a little 'crazy' sometimes. haa!

    Searching for a Starry Night