All you need to know about me...

Merry Christmas y'all

So today I was woken up by my sister's face mere inches away from mine. Freaking scary sight to open your eyes to, creepy, which i suppose was her aim. But still... not nice.

But anyway... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! I hope all my followers have a great day filled with lots of love, good food and good company. I hope by the time the day is over you will have had one to remember forever :) Dont forget to thank santa :P

The future a.k.a The dreaded Where do you see yourself in five years?

Career. Most people have some kind of plan, a rough idea of what they want at least. But me? Not a frigging clue. I recently graduated my uni course, so I now have a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Criminology. Go me. But then it leaves wtf to do next year. The psych part of my course bored me and since I'd rather kill someone than do another unit of anything remotely connected to research or stats that means honours and fourth year are out....so you aren't looking at a psychologist. And the crim part? Meh, more interesting so I might do something in that field in the future. But tbh im clueless. I have no idea what to expect or what to do.

What I would love to do would be to open my own little boutique bookshop, a nice little place with space to read thats tucked away from the brunt of the world. Maybe with my own book on the shelves. But it's a dream I'll likely never fulfill. The rise of ebooks and online shopping has crushed bookshops. Why bother going out to buy a book when you can buy it online or read it on ur kindle or computer? And as for having my own book on shelves somewehere? Who'm I kidding? I'm not that good.

Love life. Hell the idea of introducing my bf to my sis or Dad freaks me out so much. Like it will make it real somehow. He seems so hesitant to introduce me to his friends,which I can't help but overthink. Ugh too many thoughts bothering me but for now I think I'll just do my best to enjoy the ride and have some fun, after all It's about time this angel let her hair down and her horns jut free. This year? I plan to be naughty.

As for the future of my love life I hope that it's full of adventure and passion, trust and support. I hope that I managed to tick many things of my 'list' and add many more along the way. But most of all I hope I learn how to feel more than lust for a guy. I'm afraid I'll never learn to love completely. That I won't be hugely disappointed by sex or love because I learnt everything I know from romance novels or tv. The idea that nothing is as great as I've read about scares the crap out of me. I want the epic romance, I don't want my love life to be boring!

Family. My sister's pregnant. God the idea of a baby in the house makes me cringe. I find myself breathlessly praying that her n her man stay together forever because the idea of her moving back in and me losing my space to a nursery makes me want to commit some crimes. Anything to get out of the house :P My Dad and I managed to have our first civil conversation in over 6 months yesterday so maybe things are looking up there. Perhaps we can head back to having a relationship though I think our father-daughter bond is too damaged to ever be repaired. Still he's the only Dad I have so I gotta make the effort right?

Hopes and dreams. I'm thinking about writing a kind of Bucket List. Not that i'm dying or anything but since I really don't have many hopes and dreams I think I really should create something to aspire to. I don't want to just exist.

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So what's on your bucket list? Plans for the future? Are you as scared of it as me?

Also I noticed I have a new follower. Hello!!!!

Pic Post

Wondering...

Do you ever stop to wonder 'God what am I doing?!' ??

Slip of the tongue cutting through the tale

Words and conversations can sound so epic on the page. Flowing with a humour and ease that just sounds awesome. You can sound so smart, witty or wise. But you know what, try saying it out loud and you sound like a tool. 

Soul Bound was written as a gift with myself and my friend as the main characters. Yesterday we actually read through the conversations acting them out. It was hilarious. But more importantly it made me realize something just in time for Soul Bound's first indepth round of edits. My conversations are either extremely cliche, simply bad, or too mortifying to ever be able to say out loud seriously. My entire story needs work. But you know what? Reading through it helped. Why did I never consider doing it before? 

So I think when each story reaches editing stage I might actually grab a friend or two and read through the talking. See how well the conversation truly flows. 

So tell me my genius writer buddies, when editing how do you decide what stays and what goes? What needs work and what sounds truly awful? 

Help?

So I'm making my own version of a cookbook. it's basically a collection of recipes i know and love and some I've yet to try. If anyone has any recipes that they adore and use a lot. Food they well and truly love and would like to share I'd appreciated hearing them so I can give them a shot :)

So this is a request to all my followers. Share your classics...please?

So you had a bad day...

So today I found out that a girl I thought was nice had been calling me fat behind my back, I'm not so much hurt by the fact that she thinks I'm fat; clearly she has her own body image issues that shes forcing onto me because it's easier. But I am bothered by her bitching. Having never done anything against her it confuses me as to why she felt the need to attack , i thought we were friends. Clearly we're not. I'm not one of those people that feels the need to monitor what I eat and bemoan every calorie. I like food and I eat what I want, whatever. Yeah I have days when I feel fat but I rarely hate myself the way she does. But you know what, I'm relatively happy. And I don't like it when people fuck with that. 

I also had another fight with my Dad over something that i said months ago. I'd hoped he'd have gotten over it. Clearly he hasn't. Yes I was in the wrong, but so was he. I shouldn't have to take full blame for the breakdown of our relationship. You don't care anymore then fine, whatever. But I'm sick of trying to fix it. So fucking sick of it so I give up. You'll either get over yourself and accept that you've been an absentee Dad and try n fix it or you wont. Up to you Dad. No wonder all my FMC have Daddy issues. 

I'm so tired. Work, a social life, and sleep, seems losing any of of these sucks. If I dont work then I have no money. If I dont have a social life I'm bored. If I don't sleep I'm cranky as hell and both work and my social life suffer. So I've decided sleep is important! Lots and lots of sleep in the next few days before I have work again methinks. 

Now what?

So Nano is over. Finally. I managed to drag myself over the finish line by writing 20 000 words in four days. Which btw...seriously hard! And yeah I know my story sucks. And I know it needs a lot of work but you know what? I'm impressed with myself. i said I was going to do something and I did it. So I'm proud of myself.

It was hard, at the beginning of the month study for exams got in the way. In the middle of the month and towards the end work and a seriously hectic social life intervened. And yet I didn't have to give up anything and i still managed to get my work done. I feel...accomplished. So yay. My story isn't finished but for now I need a rest, Christmas is approaching fast n I have stuff to do, but once cards and presents are done I'll be committing to completing Chaos Unleashed. Maybe one day you'll see it on the shelves somewhere...under a penname of course.

So I'm finally able to blog regularly again, promise :P Sorry about my little hiatus! Forgive me?

Nano: Freaking harder than it looks!

So I hit 29 000 last night. Except I'm supposed to be at 37 000! I'm falling further behind every night no matter how hard I try. It's so much harder than it looks!!!!!!!!! Here's a taste of what I'm currently up to.

“So I have a choice. Join them or die?”

“No, you have a third choice, learn control and then hide. Hide in plain sight. Do your job everyday, go home, walk your dog and shag your wife. Do nothing unusual and they will never notice you.”

“My dog and wife?”

“Well to blend in that’s what it takes. A family. A job. Fit in and be free. Stand out and die.”

“not much of a choice...”

“You say that now, but be honest with yourself Blake. A wife, kids, steady job on the Force, isn’t that what you want from life? So just do it. The only difference is that now you have a secret that you can’t tell anyone. Not even your soulmate.”

“Well now that you have my future all planned out how will I know what my gift is?”

“You know how to meditate?”

“Do I look like I know how to meditate?”

“You look like you know how to do many things; run a mile, build a shelf, catch a killer. Meditation’s not one of them. Time to learn though. Unless you wanna take up yoga?”

-----    ------    ------    ------    -----   ------     ------     ------     -------     --------    -----   -----    -----

Or a scene from a few pages earlier....

“So I’m betting you don’t usually do that when you’re on the clock?”

“Nope. Maybe I should, although I think the other guys would be a tad freaked out.”

“Oh I don’t know Blake, I can’t be the only one to think of alternate uses for crime scene tape.”

“Oh?”

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

“Seems a bit excessive.”

“I always do things to extreme. Killing you with kisses so to speak.”

“So there’s kissing involved...”

“Oh please, there’s far more than kissing involved.”

“Now you have to tell me!”

“Or what? You’ll spank me?”

“How is it a punishment if you want it?”

“I could be a masochist...”

“Please you are far too sadistic for that.”

“Oh ouch. You wound me.”

“Liar.”

“Well in any case you should learn to be more innovative.”

“Like this?”

He grabbed her wrists in one large hand tying them to the headboard with his belt.

“Nice try, but amateurish my dear.”

Chaos easily wriggled free and laughing pulled him close for a kiss. It was playful, a gentle exploration unlike the previous passion-fuelled heated clash of teeth and tongue. She could taste herself on his tongue as he could no doubt taste himself on hers. Too soon he pulled away. Their eyes met and fear rose inside her. There were definite feelings here, something growing between them that wouldn’t be denied. But they had to be.

“You know there can’t be anything more than this right?”

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but my mother always said to try new experiences, and I don’t feel like giving whatever this is up yet.”

Not even halfway yet

So I'm way behind as a result of taking a few days off around exams. Catching up now though at 22 000 words when I should be at 27 000 so it's still achievable. Here's a conversation I wrote today.

“Blake and I are going to visit some of the places we knew he was last at. See if I can figure out where he’ll go next. Maybe the cop will see something we’ve missed.”

“Would you stop calling me the cop?!”

“Would you rather I call you by Isis’s nickname for you?”

“Do I want to know what it is?”

“You wouldn’t!”

“I would!”

“Well what is it?”

“Isis calls you Officer Dreamy. Probie preferred Officer Steamy.”

Isis gasped, heat spreading across her cheeks as she covered her face with her hands.

“I can’t believe you told him.”

“Hahaha well that’s flattering. You’re quite pretty yourself Doc.”

“Ah ah ahhh hands off cop. She’s far too young for you.”

“Yeah besides Kae wants you for herself!”

“Isis!!!”

“Well if we’re being honest might as well but you in the hot seat too.”

“Cow.”

“Payback’s a bitch.”

“Just like you.”

“Jerk.”

“Rat.”

“Hypocrite.”

“Girls are you going to have to play nice or will I have to separate you?”

“Don’t you want us together Officer? Or are we too much for you to handle?” Chaos smiled flirtily, running the backs of her fingers softly up his arm. Shivers raced across his skin and sparks flew between them at the contact. Oh yeah she was way overdue for some fun.

“Chaos play nice. The poor man doesn’t know how to handle you.”

“Oh I know how to handle her just right don’t you worry.”

Chaos bit her lip at the promise in his heated gaze. He would know exactly what to do to make her burn, hell just being this close to him and she was smouldering with need. Isis was pretending to fan herself as she faked a swoon.

“Ooh boy the heat you two are throwing off is enough to make a girl melt. Get a room!”

“We’re in a room Isis.”

“Ooh maybe I should leave you alone then.”

“ Normally I’d say fuck yes, hell I would be ripping his clothes off with my teeth and you could either join in or leave.”

“But?”

“We have work to do.”

“Fuck.” Blake groaned, expelling a heated rush of breath.

“Later perhaps.” Chaos met his gaze noting the shared intensity, oh yeah they weren’t going to last much longer before they got all naked and sweaty. His white-knuckled grip on the back of the chair betrayed him, he wanted her too. So hard the chair was creaking under his grip. 

Teaser Tuesday - Chaos Unleashed

So I'm way behind, but here you go, this is a scene where Chaos has just injured herself and Blake has taken her to her 'home' where Isis healed her. It's a thought/experiencing opening to a chapter rather than a conversation. Let me know what you think

Softness caressed her skin. There was no pain, she felt safe and comfortable where she was. Smiling gently her eyes flickered open. The soft first rays of the rising sun dappled the walls with yellow tinged warmth as the birds began their daily wakeup call. She was in her bed at headquarters, its supporting hardness a contrast to the squishy pillow she was currently wrapped around. Her cheek was pressed into the satiny material her arms holding it close as her knee rested on the end, she was stretched out on her side like usual but something felt off. Not in a bad way or any sense of wrongness, something just felt different. Rolling away from the wall she faced her eyes scanned her room. At the foot of her bed with his head resting on her mattress and his body slumped forward in a chair was Blake Sullivan.

Asleep he looked vulnerable, the strong protective facade melted away to show the man beneath the cop. The faded lines around his eyes and the dark circles beneath them seemed less obvious as he slept deeply, he seemed almost innocent. Yet even in sleep a frown creased his forehead and his mouth was tight. Chaos wanted so badly to kiss away his troubles and snuggle against him as he slept. She’d felt safe when she woke up. She never felt safe at headquarters. This wasn’t her home and never would be. So why had she felt safe? The only thing different was him. He made her feel safe. It had to be part of their bond, a side effect perhaps. It couldn’t be him. The very idea of her past and profession disgusted him. They were total opposites and once this was over she would take so much of his life from him, remove any idea that he’d ever met her. Wipe herself from his mind once more. So why did that idea hurt more than freeing her gift had? It couldn’t possibly be feelings...could it?

Oh yeah, she was so scrubbed if anyone found out about this. Feelings were bad. Other agents would try to use him against her, leverage his life for power. And GIRM? Well they would just eliminate him. Distractions from their mission were not tolerated. Whatever she felt for him, whatever was growing between them had to be snubbed out now. Terminated at the source. From now on she would give no inclination of her feelings for him. Strictly professional.

But he just looked so adorably sexy lying there. She wanted him on her bed more often. And hopefully in a more conscious state. Something about him screamed sex god and it wasn’t just his sheer hotness. He moved with the grace and power of a predator, and she was his willing prey. He spoke with the authority of someone who was used to being obeyed and wasn’t she just dying to let him dominate her. Let him decide what she can and cannot do. Order her to do the things she was yearning for with the confidence of an alpha male. She wanted an equal, someone to share the responsibility and power with. Someone who could take her crap and call her on it, dominate her but let her dominate him. A power play that could fuel her desire for years. And she sensed he was it. Blake was the first man who’d ever been challenging, Alpha enough that she hungered for his touch, the feel of his body moving against hers.

She craved the sensuality that dripped from him promising a pleasure beyond anything she’d ever seen or experienced. He moaned slightly in his sleep as he shifted against the bed and Chaos knew she wanted to hear him moan her name as she screamed his. Hear her name roll of his tongue like a loving caress or a groan of desperation. He was a toy she would give anything to play with.

So why couldn’t she? If she kept feelings out of it and trusted her team no one would have to know. One night. They could have one blissful night together and it would only be frowned upon if discovered. He wouldn’t be killed, and if she altered his memories she wouldn’t be scrubbed. One night together was all she could dare. She knew that it would be worth any consequence that followed and she had to experience the promise of his touch. The chemistry was burning her alive. Maybe if it ran out of fuel she could focus enough to get Probie back. Tonight. She needed him too badly to wait any longer. They were running out of time. She would seduce him into her bed for one night of no-strings attached, mutual release of desire tonight. It was all she could offer him. Not that he would remember any of it. And didn’t that just suck. 

Teaser Tuesday - Chaos Unleashed

This is a conversation between my FMC Chaos, and the 'Intern' with her team, Probie.

“Where was victim two found?”

“She was bound to one of those giant statues you see around.”

“Do I want to know what statue?”

“Some statue of a soldier on a chariot pulled by horses. The poor girl was found with legs stretched out tied to the horses leg and a chariot wheel. Her arms bound to the horse's mane and the soldiers neck”

“Hung?”

“Yep, the rope attached to the soldier’s outstretched arm.”

“And this statue?”

“In the middle of a busy shopping centre. How he got in, evaded cameras, carrying a girl, strung her up and left without getting caught I have no idea. Crazy he may be but you have to admit he is good.”

“You sound like you respect him.”

“In some aspects I do. The guy has skills. He’s a bloody good assassin. Shame he’s killing civilians and putting us all at risk. Stupid media.”

“So you respect him but you don’t respect what he’s doing?”

“Fuck no. The guy is a chauvinistic, jerktastic ass with stalker and sexual harassment tendencies. I want him dead with every fibre of my being. The very fact that he is a good assassin makes him a bad person.”

“Would you not describe yourself as a good assassin?”

“Oh I am damn good at what I do, and I have no illusions. I am not a good person, do not presume to think otherwise.”

NaNoWriMo milestone 1

Yes!!! I passed 10,000 words, kinda feels like a milestone! Next up 20,000! :D Although I do think when nano is over and i'm editing i'm going to have axe half my plot and rewrite the whole thing. I can already tell that pacing is a problem. Oh well gotta keep writing!

Updates

Hey guys, sorry I've been so slack with updating this. But with NaNoWriMo and studying for exams, and work, it's kind of slipped my mind. My bad. Forgive me?
Nano's going well, I tried to add a little widget that let you guys see my wordcount except I couldn't figure it out, it kept saying 0 which made me sad :P Still trying to give my male lead a name I like. Maybe you guys can help. meet Homicide Detective _______, he's tall and manly, with blue expressive eyes, spiky dark hair,  buff and sexy. He's strong and brave, unerringly observant, and fiercely protective. He desperately needs a good name!!

Studying...well it sucks. It's hard to concentrate and if i wanted to read this stuff id've gone to my lectures. As it is I can do well enough to pass the multiple choice its the short answer i worry about. I dont know anything in enough depth for it. :(

Work. So I may have gotten a new job, not sure yet. But hopefully I'll get enough hours to quit KFC, I want the permanent casual job, so that if i do quit I have a job after Christmas. So here's hoping I get it. Otherwise I'll have to see if I can convince Michelle to let me stop working at KFC then come back around march...

The Na's....Nano and Nablo

Out with the old and in with the new....

So This will be my final post for NaBloWriMo. Yay! I have successfully blogged everyday ^_^ admittedly most were crappy filler blogs because i actually am not that interesting and really have nothing to talk about, but still, go me!! So this is me, over and out.

NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow! Eeek! I'm feeling very unprepared, my idea was thought of months ago and hasn't been considered since, i haven't written anything in over a month and frankly I think i might be over my head. But regardless I'm going to do it. Even if it's crap, which it probably will be, I will have that winner badge! I will!!!  So since I'm gunna be focusing most of my energy on winning Nano and not failing my exams I won't be blogging much. Though I will blog at least once a week so check back :D

Case you didn't notice the pumpkin for NaBlo has officailly been replaced with the sticker for Nano. My background on my laptop has changed to this and I'm officially 'prepared' :P

Things I love about Christmas

Wrapping paper. So i'm a child at heart, I love wrapping things, unwrapping things, picking which wrapping paper to use....there are so many different types!

Christmas parties. Christmas gives us a reason to have more gatherings, and who doesn't love hanging out with friends?!

Giving presents that people love. When you give someone something that makes their face light up with joy, and you can see that they love it...awesome feeling.

Christmas decorations. Whilst admittedly the shops bring them out waaaay too early i cant help but love all the tinsel and baubles, all the pretty lights. And at home when people go into the effort to cover their homes in lights and have Santa's on their lawns. Amazing :D

Christmas trees. With piles of presents underneath, and little lights wrapped around. With branches laden with baubles and tinsel, little chocolates hanging underneath. A childish pleasure but one that should never be underestimated.

Things I hate about Christmas

Christmas carols= annoying jingles that get STUCK in you're head for days at a time

Present Shopping. Buying books for other people...i hate it. i know what I like but what about what they like? Then there's the awful question of what if they don't like the authors I adore? For example I love sherrilyn Kenyon's series, so I recommended them to friends but then I get concerned, it confuses me when people don't love the authors the same way I do. I mean I get that people have different opinions but it sucks when people don't love things the way i do, stupid differing opinons :(

And if you don't buy them books what do you get them? It's so hard to be personal/thoughtful/a totally awesome present giver when you are expected to give heaps of people presents. What if you don't know them well enough? And how much should you spend on a casual friend/bestfriend/ family member? What if you have no money. Then there's the horrible what if they spend more than me and i look like a cheapskate? Or what they spend so much less than you did and you feel underappreciated. I know it's about the thought not the cost in theory, but in reality if there's a drastic difference in price between presents it hurts a bit. Stupid I know but true nonetheless.

Family issues. Once my parents divorced Christmas began to suck. My mum and sister would fight all the time. My dad made it clear he didn't care if he saw us on Christmas or not. My Dad and my Mum couldn't talk to each other in order to decide what my sister and i would do. It all sucked, leaving me feel strained and battered, and a tad neglected.

Christmas Cards. People never send them anymore. Why not?! I love getting cards in the post and I send heaps but get 2 at the most :( Send more cards peoples!

Christmas In Australia. It's just not right. Too hot. Too many flys. Not enough snow and roaring fires like it's supposed to be, or used to be in England

Christmas isn't that far away guys, better get thinking about pressie shopping!!!

Life lessons

If you take one thing from today it should be this... BACK UP. I mean it. All your photos, music, writing, uni work. All of it. Back it up peoples! Because if you, for example drop your laptop, you will lose it all. And a lot of it you can never get back! So back it up, please!

When you lose something you've worked really hard on it can be devastating. So back up frequently to ensure ALL you're work is saved.

This is all.

Things I hate that you probably like...

So I keep seeing this list around so I figured I'd give it a shot.

*  Secret Millionaire - I hate it, but my mum loves it, call me a cynic but I hate all reality tv shows: Biggest Loser, American Idol, X factor, Survivor, Wife swap. Hate em all.

* Medical Dramas - aside from Hawthorne, shows like Grey's anatomy and private practice. Hate them!

*Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart. I hate you both. Kristen you are quite possibly the dullest trailer trash wannabe ever. And Rob, get a life and go shower. Also I DONT care if you're dating! Twilight related crap. Stephanie Meyer had a good plot, yes, but she is a shit writer. All this 'melodrama' over something so full of shit is ridiculous. Get over it tweenies.

* Twitter. It confuses me. And why is the NEWS on TWITTER?! seriously, is it necessary?

* E-books. You've seen my rant so i wont elaborate.

* Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Black Eyed Peas.

*  Leggings as pants. Floral designs on clothes. Tshirts worn as dresses. People wearing heels to the shops or uni.

* South Park. Whiny voices, stupid plots. I'd rather have the worlds worst hangover than watch that.

* Random hookups at parties/excessive drinking. makes you look trashy. Plus you throw up everywhere. Get some class ppl, you CAN have fun without being so smashed that you can't walk straight.

Agree or disagree with my list? Anything you want to add?

NaBloWriMo

Is almost over! Bout 5 days left, and I will have successfully blogged everyday for an entire month! GO me! Just want you guys, my 'loyal' followers who totally haven't been commenting on my posts anything :P to know that come November i won't be posting as much, though teaser tuesday will be reinstated. :D

As for nanowrimo, I'm quite excited though I have no idea what I'll be writing about which terrifies me. I really want to win this, to prove that I can write, and maybe oneday get my work published.
So tell me guys, any of you doing NaNo this year? Whatcha writing about?

Pointless insights

So i've been staring at a blank screen trying to think of something for todays post. But honestly I have no idea. So instead of a boring post I think I'll just post a few pictures with ideas that mean something to me

 I wish someone would say something like this to me. To accept me for who I am, crazy violence and all. 

 Letters are underrated nowadays. All the focus on getting a letter, checking the post each day and taking the time to consider what to write is forgotten now. An email? It's boring and regular. I just like getting a letter in the post, I'll keep it for far longer than any email. So write me a letter peoples! 

Admittedly this means nothing but it's pretty hot. Definitely jealous though! MMmmmm

This was a quiz result i found whilst looking for supernatural pics. I couldn't find the quiz but thought the picture sums me up quite nicely. Admittedly I'd rather do Cas than be him. :P 

I hate you but I like your friend...

In some things...books, movies etc. I simply cannot stand the main character, but the minor characters? My Fav's. I thought I'd share a few with you

Lord Of The Rings. Hate Frodo, love Eomer.

Glee. Hate Rachel, love Brittany and Santana

Lie to me. Prefer Loker to Lightman.

And so on. Why is it these main  ones suck so bad? They're either whiny, annoying or simply dicks. And in Rachel's case all three. You just want to punch them or take them down a notch. And the minor characters, whilst smaller parts, are just hilarious, sexy, or have the best parts in the book/movie. 

Just me? Or do you prefer characters which, whilst given less screentime, are still way better than the main character?

Fashionably late..

Fashionably late: "Depending on the type/style of the event fashionably late can also range from 5 minutes (to a dinner date or a small gathering) to 45 minutes-1 hour (21st parties ) This time frame, or 'cushion', allows enough other people to have already arrived so that it is not only the birthday person and their parents in attendance and also conveys the possibility that you have come from a previous engagement" - Urban Dictionary


The whole idea of fashionably late bothers me. As someone who likes to be on time I hate it when other people aren't. 5-10 mins is okay but any longer and i'll start getting cranky. Whether its just for meeting up to go to the movies or going to a party being late bothers me. It's so annoying, the concept of fashionably late, because whoever is organising the party still has to be ready for whatever time they said the party starts even though most people wont turn up for ages. And those people who do get there ontime end up feeling like total losers because noone else is there. And those who organised the party? Still have that residual fear that no one is coming. Or that the party will suck for ages.


So i don't know why I thought of this today. Or why it even ended up as a rant in todays post. but what i do know is that ranting just makes me more annoyed instead of being the cathartic release of pent up aggression :/

My Bad

You may have noticed the quality of my blog posts getting progressivly worse recently? Well I certainly have.. So I just wanted to take this opportunity to apologize for how crap they are getting. I guess I've been getting bored, I'm blogging everyday so i've kind of been running out of stuff to talk about. Not only am I running out of stuff to talk about but I seem to be running out of time and energy. So my blog has suffered. My bad.

To make up for it I made cookies :D And a fruit crumble. But I ate them :/ Well not all of it :P but still who wants a cookie? :D

Also im having an xmen marathon ^^

Pet Peeves

Some things that annoy the crap out of me. Love to know which ones you agree with me on...

1. People who don't indicate if they're turning at roundabouts
2. Shops that don't advertise if they have an eftpos limit
3. Mosquito bites
4. Flat soft drinks when you get postmix in restaurants
5. People who use my name when ordering at KFC. It's creepy and makes me wonder if I know you. It can also verge on rude or disrespectful depending on the tone. Same goes for people whistling or yelling to get attention when I'm serving. I am not a fucking dog so will not serve you if you whistle at me!
6. Randoms who sit directly in front of, or beside, in an empty movie theater. Keep your distance unless it's packed, please!
7. Slutty/trashy preteens. Seriously. There's no need to dress like a streetwalker at 13! Put some clothes on and get some fucking class.
8. Journals that sound really helpful to an assignment but don't have fulltext online
9. People who overshare their lovelives via their facebook statuses. If they're in the other room go tell them you love them and their 'skills' rather than posting it via fb! Some things shouldn't be quite so detailed where unwitting friends can read it.
10. Flies. Ants. Basically any kind of bug. I hate them. They're noisy and randomly touch you in the night making your skin crawl and just generally disturb me.

Picture Post

NaNoWriMo Calenders

So these are all offered up on the NaNo forums, I really liked a lot of them so here are a few. Sharing is caring right? :P

Love on my mind but not in my heart

"You know, it's weird how you still love the person, you just stop needing them the way you used to" - Dawson's Creek


There's so much difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I love my friends, they're are great people who always know how to make everything okay or deal with my bitter bitchiness. I tell them I love them all the time because people need to hear that they are valued and cared about...


"

Falling in love. Sharing your life with someone. Giving your heart to another person to the extent that losing them could potentially destroy you. It's such a crazy thing to do"

...But being in love? A completely foreign experience to me. The idea of letting someone into my heart, loving completely and trusting someone with my heart? Scary as hell. What's scarier though is the idea that I might never be in love.  I think the idea of being 'in love' is tossed around far too much these days, said far too easily and lacks meaning. Being 'in love' means far more to me than it appears,  its too meaningless now. :(


" I'm scared that I'm always going to be somebody's friend, or brother, or confidante, but never quite somebody's everything." - This I feel sums me up quite well. 



So to all my friends out there, I love you guys. And to any guy whom I might give my heart to, be patient, I will only say i'm in love if I'm certain I am.  

Mozzie Bites..

1.Bloody itch!!!
2. Always seem to come in groups. They cluster like they feel the need to feed next to each other...kinda like girls going to the bathroom together
3. Always look so ugly, Giant raised redness or weird scabby lumps if you scratch too hard
4. Itch constantly!
5. Always seem to be in awkward places...ankles, waistband region, upper thigh...
6. Annoy the hell out of me.
7. No, seriously, I wish I could exterminate the lot
8. Although that would probably be bad for the ecosystem...
9. But theyre just so itchy that I cant stand them.
10. The worst kind of bites. ;)

Inspiration

Some people inspire me more than others.

1. My friends...this is a given, but my friends give me the confidence to write, provoke new thoughts and ideas and encourage me to be myself. This comes through in my writing

2. Authors like Sherrilyn Kenyon and Larissa Ione, they inspire me to try to improve my writing. To be more like them but in my own way...

3. Supernatural. Shows like this inspire branching fan fics. Besides who doesnt love Dean and Cas?

4. My dreams. Weird i know, but my dreams are so random and vivid and i'd like to incorporate them more into my work. A small aspect of cabin fever came from a dream...

5.  Weirdly enough, not my family. In fact they tend to unwittingly crush any inspired thoughts, they dont care about my writing, and i could never show it them because of what i write.

so who inspires you?

Reclaiming my space.

Now I have a pretty small, rather weirdly shaped office. Having got my laptop I rarely use it anymore though. I am thinking that when i get back from my trip and have built my savings back up I might redo it. So this blog is basically me detailing my ideal space as a follow on from my previous post.

Chuck my current desk and buy a nice heavy desk. Im thinking this one from ikea which would give me space for my computer, hide all the cables, and give me storage space. if i put boxes in the squares then i can hide/store stuff.

THat would be pressed up against the wall with the window. lining the other walls would be my bookcases. I wouldnt need space for cupboards due to the storage space in the desk so in the free space I could either get a squishy chair/beanbag/ pile of cushions. Or i could just keep the space free. 

I would also get a new chair suitable for writing for long periods and comfy enough for watching tv in. Im thinking something like these...

 

But chairs are really something u gotta sit in to test out. I'd also want some new lamps, maybe new curtainy things, lights above my bookcases and just generally soften the room up.

So whatcha think?

Writing Needs

NaBloWriMo Writing prompt:  

Describe your ideal writing setting.  Now--tell us if that's where you do your writing.  In other words, does your current office/nook/den/whathaveyou meet the needs you have as a writer?

Ideal Setting: My ideal setting is hard i guess as I haven't really explored writing in other places. I think i would like a decent solid desk low enough to rest my wrists on but high enough to fit my legs under. A big squishy chair with arm rests and a supportive backrest. A space with enough light to see the keys but not too much to make the screen reflect. I would love a dark, comfortable office where I'm surrounded by books I love and can sit either comfortably in the chair or maybe, for when I'm feeling like a break, on a small sofa or pile of cushions.

What I have: I tend to write on my laptop in my bedroom. Lying flat across my bed or with the lappy on my lap. Both these positions suck, in the former my wrists and back/shoulders ache after a while. In the latter my lappy gets hot, or my arms are too close to my body to type easily. Even now i'm typing this sprawled across my bed despite the fact I have an office. I rarely use it though because my desk is crappy and my chair, whilst great for watching tv, is simply too squishy and big to comfortably type. I'm intending sometime next year after my trip away to start saving up for a new desk and chair so I can redo my office into a haven. 

Oh Castiel how I have missed thee...

I Love Supernatural. 

You're welcome....

Procrastination.

Now first of all let me just celebrate getting 15 followers, this may not be much to anyone else but it's pretty great to me. So thanks guys.
So there are various methods I like to use when I have an assignment looming or a task that specifically requires my attention that i really dont want to do. Here's a few of them...
1. Well to be honest this would be one of them. I'm really meant to have start work on my journal for human rights tonight but i'm procrastinating by blogging about procrastination.
2. Procrastibake. If I'm home alone procrastibaking is most often the thing ill turn too. Cookies, crumbles and those rice crispy things are my most popular choices.
3. Procrastibate. This is fairly self explanatory... Stress tends to arouse all aspects of my mind :P
4. Procrastiwatch. Basically i just watch tv. Reruns, entire seasons, its all fair game when theres something i have to do.
5. Facebooking. This is a classic unfortunatly. Though not much of a successful timewaster.
6. Reading
7. looking up pictures on sites like xanga for use as display pictures or backgrounds.

I dont tend to write as a form of procrastination. It almost seems disrespectful.
So do you guys have another methods of procrastination? Think I'm weird? Sound off in the comments :D

Bored.

So I've been feeling a little high strung lately, excessively emotional which is unusual for me, I'm usually kinda of emotionless. I'm not 100% certain whats wrong, i usually operate better under stress than normal situations, but I think there might be too much stress right now. trying to keep all these secrets and help everyone out and do my assignments and live my life. And it all just keeps crashing down on me.

I think i've figured out why its all affecting me so much. I'm bored. All the time. I'm so sick of being alone and so bored of just doing the same things day after day. i miss excitement, and fun. There's just something so wrong with feeling alone. I'm used to being alone and normally it doesn't affect me, i rarely feel lonely.  it's just there are times when everything is too much and all you want to do is crawl into someones arms, have them wipe away your tears and tell you that everything will be okay because you have them. But alas, it's times like these when it really hits you just how alone you are. There is noone to hold you. Noone to brush the tears off your cheeks. No one who can drive over to your house to tell you everythings okay even though its 2am. You are alone. And it sucks.


But my point is its the boredom that gives me the time to think about these things. Simply too much is going on in my head because there is too much time where i'm just thinking.  Maybe I need to get out more...

And they all lived happily ever after...

So today I finished my 'emergency' book. Its basically a book i always keep in the car for the times that i ditch uni and go hang out somewhere and read. It was yet another harlequin one, my emergency is always a harlequin one, dunno why. But anyway I finally managed to finish it. And once again it kinda made me angry. here's why:
1) The ending was too easy. After all the build up and the dramatic 'do they love each other'-ness, all the 'can they deal with their issues to fall for each other' tension. Then it just ended so fast with him deciding that revenge wasnt important anymore and her deciding that she loved him more than her career or her dad. and suddenly badabing badaboom they were deciding to get married and have babies. completely disregarding the fact he didnt want kids or anything. Romance endings are just TOO easy.
2) Too fast. Once again the story spanned about 2 weeks. In two weeks they met, they fought, they fell madly in lust, they had sex and decided they loved each other and wanted a future together. In real life relationships that are this intense this fast are doomed to die. And seriously what self-respecting girl wants to marry a guy you've only known 2 weeks?!
3) Blaze harlequins are the only ones I like. Simply because without the sex the rest are just lame.

Now don't get me wrong I love romance stories, but sometimes I think they portray something that simply diesn't exist. makes a girl feel that if she isn't caught up in a whirlwind romance with a proposal after 2 weeks then the relationship isnt going anywhere. The plots are too typical with no real twists. You know exactly how it will end after 2 pages, its sad and predictable. Predictable =boring

10 days in and i'm on a roll...

So it's ten days into NaBloWriMo and I've blogged everyday :D Yay. Kinda not feeling like posting anything meaningful right now so I may or may not come back later. Either way this totally counts towards todays blog.

New shows I'm Loving Right Now

So I honestly have no idea what i'm going to blog about today. So i might just mention a few of my new favourite shows
1. Hawaii Five-O.

Now with the seriously sexy Alex O' Loughlin as a main character i know i was going to love this remake of the classic Tv show. But its actually really good. Fast action with deep emotional connections and one helluva cast this skyrocketed up my top fav TV show list after the FIRST episode. That should demonstrate exactly how great this show is.

2. Nikita.

An ex-assassin trying to take down the rogue government agency that trained her, Nikita is a fierce fighter and has a rather interesting chemistry with Michael played by Shane West (from A Walk to Remember). Now this is another remake but i think of movie, not sure  but who cares? With the help of a pretty girl with a troubled past Nikita attempts to undermine Division at any cost. I like it. :)

3.No ordinary Family

A family who after a plane crash on a family trip develop superpowers and try to cope with old family issues and new ability issues. Each person in the family has their own problems to deal with, Dad think he isn't needed, Mum has too little time to be a part of family life, the kid with a learning disorder thinks he's stupid, and the girl just wants to fit in. All off this is brought sharply into focus with the inclusion of new abilities and crime solving. Its a sweet look into a family dynamic and I think it's only going to get better.

4. Hellcats

Directed by Tom Welling, this look into a law student who tries to stay in school by getting a cheer leading scholarship. It's funny and fresh with some really school moves and basically follows the cheerleaders as they try to maintain their funding + keep their scholarships by placing at some competition, whilst also struggling with infighting, family dysfunction, hectic schedules and love life drama. I really like it because its how the new girl joins the team and struggles to be accepted whilst remaining who she is and the pitfalls and rises that come with it.

5. Undercovers

                                      

Now I've only seen one ep of this, but I liked it and will be watching more. From what i gather two ex spies married and left the biz, instead opening a catering place. When an old mutual friend goes missing they're both called back to 'serve their country' (ugh how american) They have to deal with their past coming back to bite them as well as maintaining their marriage and completing missions. There also seems to be some kind of conspiracy. 

Wild child

"Every girl goes through a wild child phase, good girls are the worst" - Beckett (Castle)
This random quote from Kate Beckett on Castle prompted me thinking and thus todays post.
Now i would class myself as a good girl. I rarely drink, I'm not promiscuous, I'm generally well behaved. Okay so sometimes i can be a bitch but anyways the point is I would class myself as a good girl. i've been trying to think back and i don't think i've ever had a wildchild phase. I think i'm too self conscious to fully let go and go wild and that bothers me. I kinda wish I'd had a wildchild phase so i could've experience life more fully but alas, I didn't.

Is it too late to embrace my inner wildchild?  I watched easy A today and in the beginning she had so much fun acting like a slut without actually being one. Am I too, i dunno chicken; reserved; scared; lazy; pick your own adjective. Can i go through a wildchild phase now? Should I? Is it really possible for me to change who I am? but would it be more fun? Or not worth it?

God. Stupid considerations. i don't know why i bother thinking about this because i think we all know i'm never going to change. It's too difficult and i hate being out of my element. Sometimes I wish I was more like my sister...Sometimes I'm glad i'm not

Shag, Marry, or Kill: the TV edition

A lot of TV shows have teams, groups or partners that are basically the main characters. So since I'm procrastinating I'm gunna pick a few and play a little game with myself, I'm sure you all know the game SMK. basically you're given three names and you have to say which you'd shag, which you'd marry, and which you'd kill.  I'll put an S, M, or K, in brackets next to whichever person I'd do the action to.

1. Psych.        Shawn (S) and Gus (K)
2. White Collar.        Neal (M), Peter (S), Moz (K)
3. Angel.         Angel, Spike (S), Gunn (K), Doyle (M), Wesley
4. Hawaii Five-O.      Steve (M), Danno (S), Chin (K)
5. Haven.        Nathan (M), Duke (S)
6. CSI Miami.     Eric Delko (K), Ryan Wolfe (S), Jesse Cardoza (M)
7. NCIS.      Gibbs(K), Tony (M), McGee (S)
8. The Mentalist.       Patrick Jayne (S), Wayne Rigsby (M), Kimball Cho (K)
9. Smallville.        Clark (M), Oliver (S), Lex (K)
10. NCIS LA.      Eric (M), Callen (K), Nate (S)


So you agree? or think I have issues and need therapy? Pick different people? Sound off in the comments below!

Movies I cant live without (3)

So in case you didn't notice I added something new to my blogs, a reaction bar, basically just click on it to say whether or not you think im full of shit or actually made some good points. Should help me figure out if i'm making sense :P Now to todays post...

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
Starring Dennis Quaid, jake Gyllenhaal, and Emmy Rossum
Sudden weather changes disrupt the world as we know it as the Earth is plunged into a new Ice age. A climatologist tries desperately to reach his son in New York.

Why I like it:
1) Well despite a period where i strongly avoided this movie (please don't ask) I've always loved it. It's my go to movie when I'm studying, I've seen it so many times I practically know all the words. Why? Who knows. Its uplifting and great to see other freeze whilst you're warmly in bed (not that i'm a horrible person). I've seen it so many times i can lose focus and still no what's going on.

2) Jake Gyllenhaal's performance. Well not only is he awesome and totally hot but he was cute in a young almost looks the age he's supposed to be way. Plus the moment where his friend is stating how much of a nerd he is and jake is asleepish he half smiles is so cute. Positively dreamy :) Plus he gets shirtless :P And it's cute to see him all jealous and love-struck

3)The semi happy ending depsite the death of millions tugs at the heartstrings and is so uplifting despite the political role reversal aspects of the final scene. I wont give away too much here.

4) The special effects are brilliant. It actually looks like a wall of water rushing towards NYC and it actually looks like people are being swept up. Brilliant if i do say so myself.

5) Love triangle. Whilst it's easily resolved once disaster strikes I actually really like the way she has no idea about jake's characters' feelings for her. How she completely misses the jealousy but his other friend just thinks it hilarious that his competition is richer and more attractive than him. Its a really funny scene in the school's cafeteria.

So I really recommend this movie, I'm gunna give it 4.5 stars out of 5!

Six Cartoon Characters I'd Totally Make Out With...

I saw this on a few other sites so I decided to do my version. So here it is:

1. Howl from Howl's moving Castle.
He just so beautiful and i love how easily he sinks into that pit of despair.  "I see no point in living if I can't be beautiful". Besides he has a sexy voice. It's definitely the voice though, otherwise he'd be too girly looking, but the deep sexiness of Christian bale's voice heads straight to the naughty places in my mind.

2. Danny Phantom, from Danny Phantom
I used to have a major crush on this guy and i have no idea why. I like his badassness when he's in his alternate form with the weird silver hair, plus his green eyes are awesome. but he's totally adorable in his normal form, dark hair, blue eyes, totally weird but great friends. He was cute.

 

3. Prince Eric from the Little mermaid
Dreamy blue eyes, dark wavy hair, tanned skin and chiseled features. Not to mention the muscles of a man who works for a living despite the fact that, being a prince, he doesnt have to. Besides who doesn't love a man who adores his giant fluffy dog and besides, the man can dance!

4. Ron Stoppable from Kim Possible

There was something about his dorky fun loving nature and sheer sidekickness that made him so appealing. Even though was constantly seen as the sidekick he actually had some skills of his own, some weird monkey fists thing. He was funny and upbeat despite the fact he couldn't get other girls to give him the time of day. besides he was voiced by a guy who was one of my fav characters (Eric) in Boy Meets World and I've always liked his voice.

5. Tarzan. Because, seriously, who wouldn't go there?! Mm chiseled features, floppy hair, ripped abs. The ability to swing from vines and talk to animals. I'd so go there!

6. Since I couldn't really pick i have a few characters from Xmen Evolution

Gambit...the badass Cajun with a cool power and a sexy accent

Angel, because he's a hot dude with wings

Avalanche, because he's absolutely adorable when pining over Shadowcat yet still has the swagger of a guy who thinks he's the man. besides he's actually a pretty nice guy despite the fact he's a member of the brotherhood.

Cyclops, just coz he's the 'cool' guy of the gang and who honestly doesn't want to make out with the cool guy at least once in their lives.